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August 17th, 2009 by Dr. Phil

Helping Teenage Girls Survive Bullying

zEach week I get thousands of letters from you, and I’m always amazed how many of them are about girls who are being bullied by other girls. It’s a subject that almost never makes headlines in the news media. Occasionally, female bullying is fodder for such Hollywood teen comedies as Mean Girls. But the truth is that the girls in those movies are caricatures, created to get laughs more than anything else.

No one who writes me is kidding around. The stories I read from girls (or the parents of girls) who’ve been bullied range from heartbreaking to terrifying. That’s why I’m soon going to do a very important show on this topic. Here’s what I want to know: Are we at a point where girls bullying girls is getting as bad as — or even worse than — boys bullying boys?  And why is there such bullying in the first place? Is it hormonal? Psychological? Are girls that competitive? Is there some insecurity driving the bullying?

Let me hear from you, especially if you have your own bullying story. I’d love your input before we tape the show. If you agree, we might even use your story. Thanks.

239 Responses to “Helping Teenage Girls Survive Bullying”

  1. Paralee says:

    this is a reply to Dr.Phil and Gabriellea Nagy. I disagree with that. I was very quiet and i stayed to my self i had people start picking on me. I didn’t do anything to cause that person to do that. i didn’t say hey come pick on me cause the way i am. They did it because they like to judge others because they don’t have what they have. MY older kids where picked because the house we lived in needed to fixed up i had a junk car that got me from point A to point B well one day i was able to get the house fixed and got myself a nice car well than they started to come around because they thought we where rich. its all about people judging others. If they think that they cause don’t you think they need a friend to help them be strong and to talk to sometimes that makes a difference in a persons life i know i am 44 years old and you need positive people not people that teases or bullies because that just makes it worse like i said i’ve been through so many things in my life i wished i hadn’t. But it helped me to make myself a better person even from the support of my friends. But it was wrong for what my kids friends. It’s like this I’ll hang out with you if you have money or brand name clothes or shoes or you have nice things this is where people are wrong. It’s what is in the persons heart not what you have in material or money it’s not suppose to be that way. Or you kids just don’t have anything better to do but to bully others. It does’nt matter if a person is weak or strong it does not give them the right to just start bulling on those people you should help them to be strong because bulling makes a person even weaker than they all ready are. So we need to help them be strong.

  2. Tsukihime says:

    Enjoyed the show yesterday, thought it was so powerful you could have done a two part event and it STILL wouldn’t have been enough time to go over everything possible.

  3. Tina Hamilton says:

    I Just watched two shows on bullying… one dealt specifically with pre-teen girls. I can’t wait to sit and watch this show with my 8 year old daughter. I was bullied as a child, and later to impress friends… I joined in on bullying…for a short while, it just never sat right with me. As a parent you worry for your child and don’t want them to suffer from mean kids or bullies. My daughter was an outgoing child even from a toddler… and I was thrilled, but this has not kept her from being bullied. What I did, however, was gave her armor, if you will, as a tot on how to make friends. How to go up and approach other kids to play…how to introduce herself… how to include other kids, etc. We would go to the park alone, and I would encourage her to find a kid who maybe had no friends to play with and introduce herself to them and ask if they wanted to play. Because my daughter was alone, and the other child was also alone, you can take some of the intimidation and anxiety away from approaching another child. Also, I always encouraged her to join a group of kids, or even invite other kids to join her group. I believe we need to teach our kids their social graces, and making friends is a very important part of any kids life. SOME kids need A LOT of guidance, but ALL kids need SOME guidance! I also find it helpful that when my daughter is having a problem with kids at school or a kid, I call the parent and schedule a playdate, so the girls can play without outside influence. If the girls can have a good time together, find some common ground and interests, and become friends one-on-one; this can help relieve the bullying at school. If it’s a group of girls, I would ask her which girl she is having the most trouble with and start there!! I don’t proclaim that my child doesn’t have any bullying issues at school, but I try to do my part to guide her through the tough times, recognize the bully’s as insecure kids… not bad kids… try to build a foundation of friendship.. or atleast respect, and teach my child acceptance of all kids… sometimes even asking her to put herself into anothers shoes… “How do you think so and so… felt when no one would play with her?”… “What do you think you could do to help her feel better?” Explain that everyone wants and needs friends. I always try to be compassionate when kids are being mean to my child, but also point out to her to remember the experience and be careful not to treat other kids how she was treated, because she knows how awful that feels…. just some thought.. tina

  4. sandra mourfield says:

    i loved your show on bullying,i was not just bullied but beaten every day going to and from school starting in my third grade,i was beaten and bullied because i was white,but that’s another story,but in the same i was bullied.my mother didn’t do any thing to help,so i was on my own as were my brothers and sisters who were bullied and beaten every day,only one graduated out of 13 of us,im not exaggerating when i say every day,i was so scared to go to school because i knew i was going to be beaten and also see my siblings being beat,i tried to help my siblings but there were always gangs of the others,i never went to school in the beginning of the year,i would skip school,so later on the school didn’t even know i exsited,my mother didn’t know because she wasn’t getting any letters about me not being in school.to make a long story short,i ended up being an alcoholic and had low self esteem,i didn’t like myself,i always wanted to go to school and be some body,i tried going back later on but my grade level is third grade,not a coincident. my whole point is,my mother never stood up for me,she just said go on to school and tell some body,well that doesn’t work,i have two daughters who go to school now and one was being picked on,i went straight to the principal and demanded i see the parents of these girls who were bullying my child,and also see the girls who were bullying my child,the principal was as upset as i was,he ended up making the whole school attend a meeting in the lunch room about bullying.the bullying stopped for my child,i do understand that we have an exceptional principal who really cares,but i also talked to my girls about being self confident,and how to handle these bullies.the woman you had on your show about how to handle bullies really helped alot to,my girls just say,WHAT,HUH,WHO, when some one says something bad to them,it makes the bullies look stupid. i also told my girls to hold their head up high because they are somebody,dont lower your head to them bullies,look them straight in the eye,this gives you power,real power that the bullies dont have,and to put your self out there and make new friends and get their phone numbers and call them to come over and become real friends,and if they decide to go to the other side and start bullying,well they wasn’t worth having in the first place,always feel good about you,the bullies must not feel good about themselves if they have to find something bad to say to some one else,you also have to realize that who ever their parents are,well they must not like them selves either,to let their children be bullies,what a dysfunctional family it must be.
    i would like to know why this bullying has gone on for as long as it does,if it starts it has to be stopped now not later when they get into high school where its less likly to stop,my girls are in 4th and 5th grade now,it stopped last year,it will not happen again,i will be there to protect my children,with what ever i have in me,why dont the parents of the ones getting bullied stop acting like whimps and stand up for your child in any way you have to,and i mean what ever you have to do. and the parents of the bullies ought to be punished to,they are the ones who raised these bullies.
    for myself,im sobor today because the grace of god for 14 years,and stronger than ever,make your kids strong as you raise them,dont wait until its to late.

  5. Ms. Brown says:

    Gee, how can I be brief? I can’t, but I’ll try to cut the message down. Now… where do I start. Well, I believe the school system has a lot to do with the bulling and people getting away with it. What do the system do after finding out about the bullying? Well… I’ll tell you, if you’re poor, you become the problem and then are blackballed and band. Here my partial story but before I began, let me say that my son’s face was scratched horifically and the Principal said that he would not investigate the issue about extra kids being in the fight because he was satisifed with my son and the girl who scratched him being suspended. However, I told the Principal that I thought there were more girls in the fight as my son said that 2 held him down, 1 more hit him in the face with a ball, 1 more kicked and scratched him. However, the Principal said that he was satisifed with suspending the 2. I told the Superintendent and other high officials but they told me to take it up with the Principal and the Zone Individual told me that she will not override the Principals’s decision. I mean, they would not even go back to do an investigation. I wish I could show you the photo’s so that you could see my son’s face. He continually have nightmares which keeps us up every night. It’s really hard dealing with it and what makes it worse is the attitudes with the school individuals saying… let it go and leave it alone. Me and my friends have already been mistreated by one office person being very rude.

    Let me make it short.
    Last year my son was bullied not only by the students but Teacher. She repeated put him in front of the class to make an example out of him because the students had to retake a test. Being at a new school, I asked the Teacher and Principal if the children could know about the testing date before the actual test and… this became a real problem. In summary, I was told No. That what goes on in the Teachers class is between the Teacher, Student and Principal. This became a bigger issue and soon I and my friends were blackballed. Whenever we went to the school, staff in the hall would yell, ALERT, ALERT, PATROL ALERT… we were reprimanded, ridiculed, yelled at, embarrassed, etc. My son was picked on, teased, bullied, and the like and not just by the kids but the staff. Soon he became withdrawn and nervous. He started doing hand movements and could not sit still. My son is a very bright young man but this has truly changed his life and demeanor. He is not the same person and I continually try to bring him back but fear with the continued bullying and ignoring correct procedures, it will never be right.
    This year, he was scratched by a girl, while 2 others held him and 1 other three a ball in his face; however, he was suspended. I advised the Principal of the other parties but he felt that it was not necessary to suspend anyone except my son and the girl that scratched him.
    Long story short, if I can be brief, the school transferred him last year because of the bullying and blackballing and I feel the school system did not do their job in informing through the Chain-of-Command to make sure this did not happened in the new school. Instead, they’re trying to sweep the incident under the rug. The bullying started this year because a Teacher in the Cafeteria called my son a girl with breasts and the other kids copied her and mocked him. The problem got worse when the kids started calling him stupid and dumb on top of the girl issue.
    Tell me, where you go from here as no one in the school system will listen as they continually sweep issues under the rug and tell you to let it go. But how can you let it go when if it continues with your child having daily nightmares and nervous condition is out of control. Tell me… what does a Parent do?

  6. Rebekah C says:

    Hi Dr. Phil
    The guest you had on your show. As a kid I felt what she is feeling right now.

    As a kid I fell victom to verble abuse because of my looks. I have a birthmark that covers a large part of me face and go right through to my brain, and because of that I got teased. I got called name that where hurtful, I got spat on and the only way I knew how to defend myself was to back away from everything and everyone and build walls. I am almost 35 and to this day I’m still doing what I can to break thoughs wall down. I often held my feelings in for a very long time till I couldn’t take it any more and I would break down and cry for two sometimes three day. I felt like a basket case. It also didn’t help that I am a very shy person as it is. I was so shy that I had a very hard time talking to anyone, let alone my family. I cried I so shy. It wasn’t until high school grade 11 & 12 that I was realy able to stand up for my self. at that time I had someone try to bug me and I cleaned his clock right in front of a teacher and that teacher stood in my defence. I can say that that was the best feeling I ever had just to know that I can defend my self.

    All I can really say is that if there is anyone who feels like they are been teased don’t hold back for anything or anyone otherwise you will have a long and hevy row to whow and believe you me it is not fun.

    Rebekah C

  7. Ms. Brown says:

    Dr. Phil:
    I believe the laws in the school regarding bullying have to be updated and it should include all bullying as my son was subjected to all bullying — students, teachers, staff. We have laws against predators outside; however, we don’t have laws protecting our children at school. We send out children to school thinking it’s a wonderful learning place and the Teachers and Staff will take care of our children until they are back in our arms; however, this isn’t happening.
    My son said something interesting to me… When he was transferred to another school after being bullied, he was pushed down, held down, scratched and kicked. But because this school was a Tag and Magnet school, after listening to the brainwashing of the school, school board, superintendents, etc… and knew I had no more choices, I said, “son, this is a good school because it’s a TAG school so maybe we can give it a chance”. He said, “YES, YES Mommy, you’re right… this is a good school and that’s why I was jumped, scratched and … in the deadly streets of …. Yes, Mommy, your right, this is a good school.
    After I thought about his sarcastic message, I realized he was correct. He wasn’t beat up in the streets, but in school. What? Yes, in the school. Come on, this have to change. And… Then he was suspended and only 1 girl to go home and look at TV? What has this world come to? What should we do? We need better laws if the school can’t come up with a better system. I’m so hurt from the system and my son has changed. I can see a different, nervous, fearful child. What can we do? Can we petition the law, can we petition the schools, can we speak up and out or should be just sit idly and let our beautiful precious children fall by the wayside? I think not the latter. Let’s work together to accomplish a goal. My child is in the 3rd grade and I’m now lost. I’ve fought for 2 year and I’m tired but … I can’t give up. Still… I need help. What can I do as it continues?

  8. Amanda says:

    I am VERY glad you aired a show on Bullying. I think if the children who are doing the bullying are not held accountable, then the PARENTS of the bully should be held accountable for their children’s actions.
    Also, if the bullying is servere in some cases a restraining order should be allowed. What is wrong with these schools that they seem oblivous! There are bully laws in many states but it doesn’t seem that they apply the law??? Maybe there needs to be more training for the staff and faculty so they better understand how to handle this, or have a uniformed police officer at every school to monitor the hallways, if someone is being bullied they can go to them. Such a sad issue. Hopefully this show has opened up the eyes to some of these schools and they will now take a stand and action againist bullying!!

  9. Donna Street says:

    Bullying is not always by peers – I was hatefully bullied and belittled by my jr. high homeroom/choir/dance TEACHER!

    Even though I am almost 62 yrs old now, I still vividly remember being verbally abused by this teacher.

    This woman was only 21-22 yrs old at the time, and flirted shamelessly with the 13-14 yr old boys in her classes. Her hateful remarks toward me made me shy and withdrawn, and I still struggle, today, with self image. This woman would make very degrading remarks to the entire class regarding my looks, my voice, my clothes, etc. Even to the point of making a loud groan to the fact that I was ‘present’ when she called roll each morning! So, my day STARTED with a put-down! Looking back, I now realize I was quite pretty, very petite, and had a beautiful voice. But hateful remarks from an adult can destroy a child, as I well know.

    For example:
    A girl in the special ed classes had long hair very similar to mine and this teacher would constantly make hurtful remarks comparing us. This girl was loathed by all because of her loud voice, facial expressions and buck teeth.
    When asked if I would be attending a class outing, I answered ‘no,’ and she told the class ‘Thank God!’ – All the class laughed at her response.
    During choir practice she would refer to my voice as cat meowing – ‘tho I was the only one that could hit the high notes with perfect tone/range. (I have since been told by many that I have a beautiful voice and should sing professionally. To this day, I STILL cannot sing in front of people – I even went so far as to tape record a song for my mother’s funeral! It was ‘In Heaven’s Eyes’ by Sandy Patti. At the end of the song, I said, “we will always love you Momma,” and everyone gasped when they realized it was me singing. They thought it was sung by Patti.
    During dance lessons (part of our regular school program to teach ’social graces!’ by a teacher that certainly lacked in same!), she would pair me with the dorkiest boys in the class and cause the class to laugh at and mock us.

    My parents finally had to call the school to report her. As a result, she was dismissed from teaching at that school when other students confirmed her abuses.

    And, though I know it is not right, I revel in the sight of her today! She is fat, horribly wrinkled so much that her red lipstick runs into the cracks around her mouth! And her once operatic voice is now crackly and harsh from cigarette smoking! She wears more makeup than Tammy Faye! And, false eyelashes and enough eyeshadow to surely cause stocks to go up for Max Factor cosmetics! Her eyelids look like a lizard dressed for Mardi Gras! I probably should feel sorry for her – but I just can’t. She was hateful and harmful.

    So lesson to be learned: Careful what you say as it may come back to haunt you someday!

  10. Debra Taylor says:

    I have a physical handicap and I was bullied in school. When I first started school in braces and crutches, I would use my crutches to hit or threaten to hit anyone who bullied me. My older sister would beat up anyone who bullied me. My parents tried to encourage me. They helped me to see how stupid it was to believe the bullies. They encouraged me to find one thing that I was good at and to be proud of my ability and not let what others say bother me. I remember the day I went and told by older sister to not be my defender anymore. I would not let those bullies get to me. It worked. They no longer had power over me. I don’t fight bullies anymore but I do fight discrimination as a handicap person.

    I am now a teacher. I try my best to discourage the bullies. Admittedly, I don’t think I do a good enough job at this. I am not quite sure how to stop the bullies. I try to give the victim the same coping mechanism that I had. Believe in yourself and don’t let them have power over you. Unfortunately, some of my kids do not have strong personalities and this makes it difficult to follow my advice. I try everything I can to help but I am not sure it is enough.

  11. When I was in grades 6-11, there was one girl who hated me. I was an intelligent girl, but I had very few friends. The worst girl would hit me every day or kick my bike. She was DUMB. I never told my parents, teachers or acquaintants about the bullying. I am 78 years old, but the memories linger on. The girl married young, gave birth to two little boys, developed cancer in her leg and died after having her leg amputated. I was glad that she was gone!!

    I taught school for thirty and a half years. Now I am being bullied by a neighbor!! After taking out a trespassing order on her, I can live in peace again.

  12. Chandra Kirk says:

    I just watched this very important show Girls World, Helping Teenage Girls Survive Bullying. My daughter was being bullied by a girl at her school as the bullying progressed from verbal to physical. My daughter was also a new girl in the school and was trying to make friends. Once the bullying got physical, I asked my daughter to go to the teacher and report it. Fortunely for us, my daughter came to me (her mother) with the problem & the school dealt with the problem immediately. As a result of my daughters experience she wrote the lyrics & melody her song called “My Smile” & then another song called “Beautiful” . She has recorded both songs & posted them on her myspace page http://www.myspace.com/kaleighjokirk . As music can help heal, She wants to share it with other kids to help them feel good & fit in. We have had several people write to my daughter thanking her & saying that the music help them. We hope it can help others too!!

  13. Sad and Bullied at 52 says:

    Dearest Dr. Phill and readers.
    I am now 52 years old(or should I say young)? I was bullied so badly when I was in grammar school, and high school, that I never finished school. I did try going back to an adult GED class, but I got self conscious, and never finished.
    I was from what they used to call a ‘broken marriage’. I lived with my mother, and she never knew what to do to help. Guess I came from a family of whimps. She did the best she could, she was my mother. I loved the one person that hurt me more then anyone could. I remember several years of verbal abuse from my her as well. For years, (in what I would like to believe was a teasing way), she told me how ugly I was. How men would always only want one thing from me, how I really had better get good grades, cause I was just one of those girls no one would want to marry. (THANKS MOM)
    When I was 7 years old, I had my cheek ripped off my face by a Great Dane. (not mine) It changed me forever. Kids can be crewel. I was always taller then most kids, and they used to call me ‘Frankenstein’, ‘Scar face’, ‘Ugly,fat’ and so on. I used to cry my way home every day, then to sleep every night.
    I was also a latch key kid at a young age, since there was no one to watch me until my mom came home. I tried to concentrate on my school work, but each day and each year it just got worse. I went froma straight A student to FFFFFFF. I went within myself, and ate my way through the next 30 something years. I left school when I was 16. It was then that I began suicide attempts. I had also been rapped by the time I was 10. Drinking by the age 12, and drugs were 14years old. I really didn’t want to die, I just wanted someone to hold me, and tell me, it was going to be alright. Sure I found him.
    I somehow did get married the first time in 1979, and by 1982, I had 2 children, and a divorce. I was a single mother for 5 years. In that time, I tried to go to Beauty School but I never finished. I was aware I was the biggest woman in the school, and decided that all the stares were not because I was so beautiful, but more cause I was so fat, I could barely fit in the desks. I quit.
    My second husband murdered a child in my home while I was there, and had no clue. My third husband lasted 2 weeks, and the last one? Well he should have been the only.
    To this day my children are my life’s accomplishments. I am a sickly woman, and had often wondered what I would do if I ever saw those children that bullied me so many years ago. I have often wondered if they ever knew.
    I know the answer to that now. Classmates.com! I received an e-mail several months ago from someone who was keeping the grammar school class in contact. Yep, just as if nothing had ever been said or done, they contacted me. I cowered again and never told them what the early bullying had done to me. Instead, I cried in my husband’s arm.
    There is so much more to this story, but I really hate to bore people. I know I had a choice. I just didn’t have the strength to fight all of them, and my mother too.
    OMG Girls… DON’T TAKE IT!!! Live your lives…The sun is so beautiful…Dance in the rain… but most of all…. Don’t let them in your brain!

  14. Chris White says:

    First I would like to say most of this story may not sound relevant but there is a “Bully” point to it all so please bare with.
    I am 34 years old & would like to think I have a unique outlook on bullies throughout my like I was a social outcast and had almost no friends or anyone to talk to about my problems I was bullied because of my weight and my touretts syndrome luckily I didn’t have any of the audible ticks associated with it I was it was a daily thing through out school girls would pretend to befriend me just to make fun of me for liking them afterwards guys would send me letters saying they were from girls to meet them somewhere only to be humiliated when I got there I started to just stay away from everyone just so I couldn’t get hurt anymore then they started ganging up around me at lunch or waiting on the bus in the evening calling me lard ass and jumping every time I took a step every time I would twitch due to my touretts they would too or say they was funny as hell do it again … and not being able to control it I would, they all would roll laughing but you would think I would get a break when I went home right? Well from the bulling yes but mom and dad were divorced and using me as a tug of war rope mom would ask you love mom more? Dad would ask you love dad more … both would ask that I spy on the other and tell them what there doing so I could live with them dad had visitations every other weekend I saw him maybe once every 2 months and would be broken hearted when I didn’t see him mom being in bad health couldn’t play with me but I still wished she would I had no friends mom I remember was almost always cleaning and all my cousins were much the same as the other kids at school so being an only child that left me all alone. Something stuck out to me on dr phils bully show the other day when he said “You need to be your own best friend “or something along those lines I remember thinking I was my ONLY friend in my young childhood (preteens) I would go to bed every night praying to god for just 1 friend that’s all I ever asked for, turned out god WAS my only friend then later after puberty and I noticed girls (when is when all the girl oriented bulling started) is when everything changed if mom hadn’t inadvertently (for want of a better word) burned into my mind my religious beliefs in suicide I would have tried it a thousand times over at least. The only thing that kept me going from day to day was that I went to bed every night hoping and praying I wouldn’t wake up and almost crying the next day because I did the only thing I had to look forward to was the hope that god would take mercy and kill me, at least then I could be happy in heaven … if I killed myself my pain would never end in hell. My life continued like this until about early 11th grade when at some point for some reason I fail to remember after a long time thinking about it I realized they did it for several reasons they thought it was fun/funny (heaven only knows why) after watching them and there reactions while doing it I realized this also it bothered me and they knew it it couldn’t have been any clearer if I had a giant neon sign saying such. Also they had isolated me I was terrified to get close to anyone because I didn’t want to get hurt again. I wanted to fight them sometimes but didn’t because I knew it would only make matters far worse as I could fight my way out of a wet paper bag. So I figured out 3 things to fix all of this,
    1) as easier to say than do as it may sound I just started ignoring them, yes they followed me around throwing insults and wanting me to twitch again and laughing because I did but I just continued to ignore them as if they weren’t there, don’t get me wrong this was VERY hard but I never brought anything to school or took anything home that I wasn’t willing to throw in the trash … I did homework in school during spare time so they couldn’t play “keep away” it took a bit but it started working, if I wasn’t bothered or annoyed (at least that THEY could see) then it wasn’t fun anymore I mean honestly if you enjoy watching dr Phil are you going to continue watching if someone turns the power off? Or go do something else? :) This is actually where I got my 2 life mottos #1 ill get over it before I get pregnant #2 if you don’t like me then I don’t give a damn, bite me :)
    2) I learned to laugh at my self I figured if I thought it was funny too then maybe they would care so much anymore so I started pretending some (not all) of the things I was bullied about was funny when anyone that bullied me was around or nearby and I was associating with people from #3 and it WORKED!
    3) I started hanging out some of the more geeky/ nerdy people I saw them as kind of kindred spirits and I figured if they were getting bullied themselves then they weren’t going to bully me so at least at that point I had a couple people I talked to. Not really friends but at least I could trust them not to bully me, and that was enough for me we never talked about the bullies just whatever was at hand at the time.
    These three things done at the same time made the last 2 years of high school for me do a total 180. But unfortunately the damage had already MORE than been done this isn’t even including the painful dating life I had when I actually started dating in my mid-late twenties (when I wont go into unless asked just not relevant) Today I have a family of my own with a beautiful 4 year old daughter who is my and my wife’s sole reason for wanting to live, my wife was treated very much the same as me because of her weight and psoriasis and we remain emotionally distant from each other because each of us just refuses to believe that the other TRULY loves the other. So as you can tell both of us have been BADLY scarred to this day from our bulling
    The Point here is to convey the extremely lonely & painful life I have had in as much detail as I can recall. I watched that and most other bully episodes dr Phil has an emotional wreck, because it brings a flood of very painful memories which I want very badly just to forget. I only sit here with hands trembling forcing the memories in the hopes that anyone reading this being bullied or has a loved one who is bullied can stop there bullying before it changes the rest of there lives. If my story can help anyone at all then my painful childhood wont have been totally worthless … ty
    Ps- very sorry if this post was unwanted.

  15. Cynthia Clouser says:

    I saw your show about Girl bullys.Have these people ever heard of KARMA or WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND,or CONSEQUENCES,ECT.
    I do not have my own story,fortunately for me,even though i may have been
    abused/teased as a child, it did not bother me.It only made me stronger and more
    confident.I have never taken anyones negative comment towards me personally because i thought of mean people as ridiculous.This came in handy when i was in a domestic violent relationship,which ended as quick as it started.I have 7
    children,whom i have raised with no physical (YES! IT IS POSSIBLE) A couple of them have been in a occasional fight to defend themselves,they always try to
    avoid these situations.One of the boys was in a mutual domestic violent
    relationship.In any of these situations i would intervene when i could and we
    would work on ways to not let it happen again.I agree there may always be
    violence in the world,but if we want a solution,it starts when Children are born.
    I live in Seattle,Wa. I think our schools are doing a great job on reducing bullying
    in our schools,there may be a few that need to work harder on it.One school
    in particular had an excellent Counselor.I have thought about being one myself,
    if i am able to get the Education for it(i am 52)i know its never to late to go back
    to school for most people,i will try.In the meantime,because your show inspired
    me (bullying & domestic violence,ect. have been something i have always wanted
    to help people who are in these situations with and to teach others to prevent
    from being involved in. Thanks to you & your Family for having such wonderful
    shows.The world needs them.( I also Love Oprah)

  16. Jeannie Leroux says:

    Many, many years ago [1940s and 1950s] as a school child I was bullied by girls, boys, and teachers. Consequently, I had a very low self-esteem, made poor grades, and was totally devastated at their treatment of me. My parents said if I got in trouble at school, I would be in worse trouble at home. I thought the bullying was a sign that I was in trouble, so I did not tell my parents.
    I was also learning disabled at a time when very little help or knowledge was available.
    I was the youngest girl in a family with two sisters who got good grades and were at the top of their class. In elementary school, my knuckles were hit with the ruler for making my letters backward or for transposing my numbers and letters. When my mom asked about the sores from the metal part of the ruler, I lied so I would not get in trouble with them. Later the teacher bullying took the form of name calling in front of the class. They said I was the “family runt” “the dumb one” the “one who could never do anything right” and the “one who should have quit school a long time ago.” The kids repeated the taunts. Life was miserable!
    I was afraid to say I was not going to college, so I made my grades just enough to keep me in school. I studied to be a teacher because I knew I had a way with kids from my success with babysitting. I graduated with a very low grade point and an excellent student teaching evaluation. I got a job as a fourth grade teacher and learned along with the students as I taught from the teacher’s manual. I also was older so I had developed strategies to overcome my learning disabilities. I got excellent evaluations and as I took more classes for my fifth, sixth, and seventh year of college, I was surprised to be earning As and Bs in my class work. My school bullying experiences were what made me a great teacher, because I learned how not to teach. In my 27 years of teaching, bullying was not allowed in my classroom and we discussed this topic many times. I think my experiences made my fourth and fifth graders understand how much it hurts.
    One of the bullying boys all through school went to my church. When he returned from the service, he asked me out on a date. I was not confident that he was being real about it because it might just be a new way to bully me. I refused telling him I would never allow him to hurt and bully me ever again. He left saying that he guessed I was still ugly.
    I am now retired and have never gone back for a high school reunion. To me that would be way too hard and even now I avoid reunions even though I know that they would not bully me now.

  17. Jana says:

    It’s a different world from when I was in a teen in the 1980’s. girl Bullying did exist, but the adults acted like it was an inconvience to them, not a big problem. It was also kept private if it happened at someone else’s house. Bullying, I mean.

    On the other hand we didn’t have Youtube and cameraphones like you do now.

  18. Patricia Laurin says:

    My name is Patricia Laurin. Let me preface my comment by saying I am disabled. I am a 51-year-old female. I watched your show on bullying and listening to those girls brought back alot of memories.

    I have been bullied and picked on most of my life because of my disability. Most of the bullying was name calling as I was and am different from the majority. It started when I was in grade school. Even though I have lots of friends and am married and have been for 17 years; this has made me a very insecure person.

    Believe me, your fears and securities may diminish as you grow older but for me, they haven’t left me.


    Patricia Laurin

  19. Jeff says:

    Bullying, not just a boys world anymore. The girls are taking over and a heck of alot worse than boys ever I think could be. It is starting as early as 2nd and 3rd grade. My daughter in second grade last year was bullied by a girl that didn’t want her to be frineds with another girl. It got to the point where this girl actually put her hands on my daughters throat and told her to stay away from the other girl. My dauhgter not really at the time knowing how to handle this and fearing the on duty teacher during recess, so she didn’t saying anything until she got home and tod me, her dad. We went to the school FalFestival that evening and told her teacher as soon as we got there and she said she would take care of it on Monday and get to the bottom of this. And, informed my daughter not to be affraid of ever telling her anything. Well, to make this situation as short as possible, it turned into a 3 ring freakin’ circus and the “Principal” tried sweeping this under the rug so quickly, I even went to the assistant superintendent and he didn’t even seem to think this was a problem. I asked to see the so called video after they said they didn’t see anything and was refused my request. Now, later, it seemed like everything my daughter did was scurtinized by the school and the things they let go before, are now made an issue. Like on Valentines day, I had put Pink in the tips of her hair to celebrate Valentines. Well, that didn’t go with there code, even though before the incident it wasn’t a problem. And, all the kids where wearing hats because it was hat day. That’s against school policy. It wasn’t permenant, like the older girls “highlights”. It’s freedom of speech. Now the this other girl that was suppose to be her friend could not be any longer becuase the parents had a big falling out. The mother of this girl told her to act like they can be friends one day then the next day, decided they couldn’t and this girl in class with her would STARE at my daughter making her feel uncomfortable. This went on for a while and we noticed a behavior difference in our daughter and so I quesntioned her about what was happening and she told me. So, I informed the school and told them to keep them seperated because my daughter was feeling very uncomfortable. Now, 3rd grade this year a different girl that used to be my daughters friend and their parents for some weird reason don’t like Kourtney because she spent the night at their house ONE night and they sat up and talked until almost 3 in the morning. Their kids, what do you think they are going to do, jeez. And, where was the parents to make sure they got to bed at a decent hour, hmmmm…. Well, since that night the other girls parents didn’t want kourtney at their house anymore and now this girl is giving my daughter a hard time at school, getting in her face and yelling, not letting her have turns jump roping and telling everyone not to be friends with my daughter and so is the other girl mentioned above with the parents being mad at us. So, girls are just MEAN and they are most certainly WORSE than boys. Boys could at least duke it out and be done with it after words no matter who won. And, in most cases the boys turn out to be best friends. Girls, they get their claws out and grab hold of the juggular and do not let go. They are vengeful and nasty and at a very young age. Something needs to be done. I can ot even get the school to cooperate with us on this and am feeling sorry for our daughter, whom we tell, that if she gets in her face to tell her to back off and walk away and let her teacher or the teacher on duty know. And, to make sure and tell us. We live in Jefferson County Missouri and yes this is hoosier country.

  20. Cassandra says:

    Dr. Phil,

    I wanted to say how much I enjoyed your show on bullying, and I only wish I had seen it fifteen years ago when I was dealing with the bullies in my school. My only sin, it seemed, that I cared more about books than boys, and more about learning than looks. I was smart and driven, and I did not see any reason to hide that I was smart. As a result, I was a target for bullies. Like Rebekah, I was a physical match for most of the girls, and so few targeted me physically, but I was subject to rumours, teasing, isolation, and belittling. The boys, on the other hand, had no such limitations, and I often found myself punched, kicked, shoved, and on one occasion, thrown into a brick wall. By the time I reached junior high and high school, I was even facing daily sexual harassment.

    Like Rebekah, my parents tried complaining to the school, but their complaints fell on deaf ears. Even when I was being cornered and forced to use physical violence to escape, school officials usually responded with the minimum response warranted.

    Years later, the after-effects of that bullying stay with me. When I walk by someone in a mall and hear a whisper, it takes a conscious effort to remind myself that they are not whispering about me. When I hear a laugh, I have to tell myself, they are not laughing at me. I cannot leave my house without looking perfect, and feel I am being judged constantly, something which has led to a near-paralyzing fear of public display and presentations, where once I was a confident performer. I have a hard time making friends, because the voice in the back of my mind is waiting for them to turn on me. Worse than any physical injury I have ever endured, those scars run deeper and ache more.

    This is a tragedy, and something which we all – parents, teachers, everyone – needs to be made aware of. Thank you for shedding some light on it.

  21. Beatriz says:

    Dr. PHIL,

    As far as I can go back I was always bullied, hey I realized I wasn’t the tallest girl or the prettiest. I was okay with myself until people convinced me otherwise.I swallowed every insult and day after day I let it happen again. Now I’m in the 9th Grade and am currently going to therapy for depression and O.C.D.I can vividly remember everytime I was bullied, remember the coldness of the red tiled floor in the bathroom stall that I knelt on hoping that I would die, seeing each of my tears slowly fall down on it. That feeling was horrible, I can’t even describe it now. The feeling that you are not sopposed to be here when all you want to do is go to school.I really wish that girls would stand up for themselves and others, because I see now how no one can ever tell you that you are not special.

    P.S. I’m a really big Dr.Phil Fan!

    Beatriz A

  22. Tanya says:

    Dr. Phil,
    I’m writing from beautiful Canada here – I’d like to say thank you to you, your staff and Rebekah for having the courage to air the Girls World show. I had recorded it, just watched it now and it has brought forth a new fire in me to stop what has been an ongoing battle for so many years for both of my kids.

    VERY short version of the story is that I was taught to deal with my issues myself. Although this worked out for me, I cannot say the same for my kids. My oldest daughter (now 18) was very outgoing, and happy as a child – but as the school years progressed, her happiness diminished almost daily (on school days). I never considered at that time it was “bullying” as I’d not really understood the term as I do now. All I knew was that she was having issues, and I did all I could to help. I talked to teachers, I met with principals, I switched her school even. By the time she reached high school – she was a defensive and angry child who had turned from the bullied, to the self-bully.

    This may potentially sound ridiculous to some, but the pain and self-damnation that comes with bullying is the single most destructive thing in a young girls life. It has led her to drug use, addictions, criminal activity and a more terrible lifestyle than you can imagine. And this… this is my baby girl.

    In the mean time, I have another daughter who is an angel on earth. Kind, loving and bighearted, she would do anything for anyone that needed help. Be it a smile or her last 3 pennies…. she’d sacrifice anything to help others not hurt.

    This same little girl is now 9 years old and is facing bullying in her school. The same girls that have been “the mean ones” since kindergarten are still pushing her around, taking friends away, telling lies, spreading rumors… anything to have my girl left to the wind at recess. Devastating for her, and heart wrenching for me.

    I’m petrified… as a mom who did everything she could for her older daughter and lost the battle (she’s still fighting addictions and self-anger/hate), how do I help my younger daughter? She’s in need of help, and I don’t know what to do!

    Her tears are killing me… and I don’t want to see this happen again, I can’t.

    I’ll be watching this show with her tomorrow so she can hopefully learn from the strength shown by Rebekah and the other girls.

    Thank you again – you’ve been a boost in my fire to help my kids, and others to not have this as part of their daily life… I dream of implementing a “no bullying” program that is truly helpful to these kids, that they can make use of, and really feel a trust in.


  23. Leimomi says:

    Rebekah I think that you are a beautiful, courageous young lady. I have been in your situation to a degree. My son is called names all the time at his high school. I want to encourage you to listen to those who’s opinion you care about. You touched my heart because you took the time to come forward and represent others who are experiencing the same thing you are. Your actions have made a difference in other peoples lives. You are awesome.

  24. Angela Saiza says:

    I am a mom in Miami. My daughter has been bullied for YEARS. I want to start a change reaction! So much so that I have quit work and returned to college so that I can come out fighting… I do much of my reading, research and writing about Bullying. 1/4 to 1/3 of our students in k-12 have been bullied. These are the reported cases. This CANNOT BE IGNORED ANYMORE. I am meeting with the Miami Dade County Public schools Safe Schools representative and am getting ready to release a report that I wrote to the Miami Herald. It is going to take a sustained national force to impact this issue and my paper has many tangible points to get this going. But only someone like Dr. Phil has the power to really get people talking and educate them. You get an A for effort with today’s show but it is not nearly enough… And the problem with the today’s program is that you were blaming the victim…The Victim did not have the right attitude about being bullied. Wrong, Dr. Phil. It is the bullies who need to be on your stage, not the victims. Education is the answer. For the parents, the schools, the victims, the perpertrators, and the spectators. Please let me send you my report. Please hear the solutions. I was watching the show with a friend and he said “Why should people care about bullying if they don’t have kids who are being bullied.” I said to him, “Remember that little slogan ‘Only YOU can prevent forest fires?’” How many people lived in the forest? How about Mothers Against Drunk Drivers and the Susan G Komen Breast cancer efforts and Anti Littering and I Love New York. All of these were just ideas that needed exposure and someone made that happen. We need someone to make Anti Bullying just as much of our society as these other efforts. Can we do it? Yes we can. Please help us. I am begging you.

    Angela, Leanna’s Mom

  25. Jackie says:

    Dr. Phil,
    I have always taught my children that they are beautiful and I am very greatful that they are healthy and strong in mind and heart.
    I will always tell them that they are strong enough that if anyone teases or makes comments about them or anyone in our family or bully them they can take anything that is being said because it doesn’t matter what anyone says and they are strong enough to ignore them and at least if they are talking stuff about you or bullying you then they are leaving someone that may not be able to ignore the bullying or teasing. They will get bored with talking to themselves.

  26. Martha says:

    Dear Rebekah,

    You are an absolutely lovely young woman. You are highly intelligent and you have a loving mom. You are picked on simply because the other girls are jealous. Please … can’t you realize that? I have been picked on as an adult. But I’m very happy, my family loves me, and I love myself. I have a deep faith in God and see his miracles every day.
    Please realize that “this too shall pass”. You are wonderful and have a lot to contribute to our world. We need you!

  27. Donna says:

    I am watching your show right now on bullying (since I had it recorded). It reminded me of something one of my friends liitle boys said. My grandsand was being a real brat and picking on everyone. Gabe, his friends says ” a bully is just someone mad at themselves” He then turned to me and said I learned that at school and I told him it was really good thing and really true. Then I had to turn my check to chuckle because he then proceeded to ask my grandson “Tristan, are you mad at yourself? cuz your being a bully right now?” It was just to perfect for what was going on and guess what? Tristan straightened up right then!!!

  28. pep says:

    as a kid i was bullied ..i told my parents and they told me the old “tell the teacher ” which back then meant nothing would happen .. i honestly vowed one day if i ever had a child i would teach him/her to protect herself and not rely on anyone .. well my beautiful daughter came .. and yes i did what i said … i never taught her be a bully but to never let ANYONE PUSH HER AROUND .. luckly for her she never had the problem of being bullied … BUT, as an adult .. i feel she is one .. ive seen her in action whenever anyone does something she feels is wrong stand back …. im scared to be in the car with her ..talk about crazy driving .. if anyone does get in her face let me tell you .. she will finish it .. not physically she is not a fighter but she has a mouth on her .. and by the end she will have the person wanting to cry .. she is very quick with her words… now as an adult … i wonder if i was wrong …i sometimes worry for her ..in school all the kids KNEW if you started anything with her … they would not win.. now dont get me wrong .. my daughter is known for being a sweet loving girl, she has the biggest heart will give you her last dollar .. but this temper ..

  29. ConcernedMom says:

    My husband and I enjoyed your shows geared toward tweens (American Girl episode) and watched both it and the bullying episode with our 11 year old daughter. Our daughter attends the same elementary school that Piper Smith did, and has been experiencing bullying at this school from the same group of girls for 2 years. This year, it has escalated to the point where she was staying in at recess to avoid the group. Her teacher has addressed the bullies (which has given my daughter two weeks of peace from these girls thus far), and forwarded the information to the principal and social worker, but I have yet to be contacted by them. Thank God, her teacher realizes the seriousness of the issue and is doing all he can within his boundaries…we are hoping that his intervention continues to help our daughter. We would think after the situation with Piper that the administration would take ANY issues seriously.

  30. ConcernedMom says:

    I reread my email, and would like to clarify something…the “same group of girls” are NOT the girls involved with the Piper case, but a separate group that has been harassing my daughter.

  31. Doreen says:

    Dr. Phil,
    I, like many others here, was bullied when I was a child. We moved to the opposite end of the state in the middle of 3rd grade. I was the new girl and was picked on and beat up everyday until 6th grade. I never fought back out of fear of getting in trouble when I got home. At some point in 4th grade (I believe) my family went to an extended family get together and one of the girls that I went to school with was there and we played together all day, it was a marvelous day. I was so excited that I had finally made a friend. At the end of the day this girl tells me to promise not to tell anybody at school about our day and not to talk to her either. That girl hurt me more than any other person involved in the bullying and beatings I took! I am now 42 yrs old and I can still cry if I think about all this too much.

    Thanks for listening

  32. Lynette says:

    Hi Dr.. Phil .. I have watched your Bulling and i have an 11 year old boy , Who getes it to he ay you have the girls on talking about it but no boys on your show chatting about it,, He has been bulled his whole life…. and just yesturday a other boy bite him… thats going to far.. and the school did not even call me on this ,,,my son told me and other kids moms called to tell me but no one at the school,,, And i went down there to day and no one could tell me why this kid bite my son and the principal had no clue why i was up set that no one called me..just the other kids moms… And i called the Distric on this and of corse no help there ,,,,,, so i am a mom trying to teach my kid not to bully others but my kid is at the point he wont tell on the kids that are bulling him he lets the other kids tell so he wont be picked on at school this is a sad day now he dont wont to go there no more … what do we do ….. Some Help Please…

  33. Gringanica says:

    Bullying doesn’t have to be only for young people- it’s prevalent in us older folks. I have a friend that I have known for 9 years… things were great at first, then little by little I saw her flaws. The biggest flaw she has is not apologizing for things that obviously have offended me. Even when approached recently over an issue, her response was that she was just joking! It’s not funny unless both can laugh and I sure wasn’t! So when I talked to her, initiating conversation after a 4 day hiatus, she acted like nothing was wrong at all. What is so hard about saying two simple words, “I’m sorry.” Her manipulative way of dealing with people and always trying to look like the good guy is simply a form of emotional bullying because well, they’re never wrong. I don’t know why I still am friends with her!

  34. Jana says:

    This is an example of how things have changed.

    In the 50’s and 60’s you didn’t see this as much because Girl Bullying was kept under wraps.

    In the 70′ and 80’s girls became mor eempowered, and Girl Bullying reached new heights, like on sit-coms and dramas on tv. No Parents son tv.

    It’s the 90’s and millinium and girls are training the camers on themselves fighting each other. Where are the Parents?

  35. Diana Vin Zant says:

    My husband and I are middle school teachers, we teach on a US Army base in Stuttgart Germany. We witness bullying quite often. My husband does a unit on bulling in his Language Arts class every year. I have an advisory class where I also do mini units on positive behavior. I try to give the students strategies to help them act rather then react. We were so impressed with the show that my husband called to get a copy of that segment so that he could show it to his classes when he began the unit.

    I realize there is a production cost and the cost of mailing but I did find it quite expensive. We did order the DVD and do plan on showing it to our students. We feel if we can get the message across to at lest one of our students we are doing something to help.

  36. crysatl duff says:

    I can tell you that teen bulling is not controled in schools they simply put it as egnor it it will stop sooner or later. or your being to much of a winer for them so they send you to a counsler and nothing ever happens. These people never get punished or have a course of action against them. If you want it to stop the only way to do so is to start fighting back, then it makes it ten times worse. I can feel for these girls who get aboused verbaly or phisicaly because all threw middle school and hight school I was picked on. bullyed

  37. Ingrid says:

    Dear Dr Phil
    We have just watched your show on Bullying. We leave in Australia, and just to let you know, bullying is a big problem here in Australia as well. Your show bought tears to my eyes, and I am glad that it is school holidays here as my daughters (especially my eldest) was able to watch your show. Emily (my eldest daughter) has been bullied since she started school but last year when she started high school, it seemed to get worse. It started as just taunting, they vandalism and then she was attached in the school playground during lunch time. Our Dean of Students was very much aware in what was happening, but unfortunately, she did not do anything as “she wanted to remain friends with all students”. On the day Emily was physically attacked on school grounds, she was going to our school chaplain’s house for the weekly girls group. At girls group, Sho and Rachael was disturbed about what went on that day and gave Emily some good advice. That was over the weekend, write down everything that happened and then on Monday morning go to the principal’s office and report the incident. If she needed a friend for support, ask someone to go with her. This was all sorted out at girls group and over the weekend she documented all the events. After monday morning assembly, and after roll call, Emily and her friend told the Dean of Student (Vanessa) that they are going to the Principal’s office to report the incident. Vanessa told both girls that they were not allowed to go and that she advised against it as they may make the situation worse.

    I better mention to you that the main offender, Jaymee, is also a relative of ours (third cousin). I had been talking to Jaymee’s aunt about what was happening on different occasions and at the end, she suggested that I call Jaymee’s Dad, and not her mum. After the attack, I did do that and Craig was absolutely horrified to receive a phone call to this nature. Craig was also bullied at school and understood what we were going through but was disappointed to think that his own daughter would do anything like that. He did call me back and his daughter virtually told him a different version of what happened and that she was only caught up in the moment and that the others were the ring leaders. Jaymee was the ring leader. Craig believed his daughter, but like I told Emily, a parent does not want to believe that their child is bad or can lie until they get caught out. Through Jaymee’s aunty, Jaymee’s parents were very upset that it was myself that made the phone call and that it did not come from the school.

    Over two weeks had eslapsed and I did not hear anything from the school, I sent an email to Vanessa outlining the events that happened over the year and I cc the deputy Principal into the email. The Deputy Principal did call me and virtually told me because of the time that had elapsed between now and the attack, they could not doing anything but she was going to investigate. She did asked if I consented to her speaking to Emily about the incident, and I agreed. She virtually told Emily that next time she has to go directly to the Deputy Principal’s office. After I got Jaymee’s dad involved, Jaymee has thought twice about doing anything to Emily. I think she got a big shock that I actually called her dad and told him of the situation.

    We actually go to a small school, and I cannot understand why children need to be so mean to other kids. As far as I am concerned, they should try to get on with each other and if they don’t someone, they don’t need to hang around them. Also, our school is an anglican school so it does not only happen in a public school.

    Dr Phil what I am asking is that any other information that you can give on bullying, I would really appreciate it. I will see if I can purchase your son’s book and get Emily to read it, but Emily does not have any confidence and does not like going to school.

    Thank you for any input that you can share with us.
    PS When you were in Sydney, early August, my parents went to your show at the ACER arena Hombush. They thoroughly enjoyed your show.

  38. Sophie says:

    Hi my name is Sophie and i live in australia and i was just wanting to let u no about bullying . ok i was just checking my emails when i came across one called the st. monies ugly list and i was like wat does this have to do with me i dont go to monies but i opened it because i have a friends that goes there and there was a list of names and i could not beleve that girls would do this. at the bottom of the email it had if u do not email this to all ur friends u will be on the list and if u dont go to monies then we will make one for ur skool and u will be first on the list or something like that i deleted it i thought i dont want to be a part off this. And then the next day i got one saying the st monies ugly list 2 so i opened it and it had a story of a clown so thats my story. Hope it helps
    PS:St. Monies is a only girls skool i go to St. Marys lol plz dont show my name dont want to be court out

  39. Dr. Phil I have a 12 year old daughter, who for the past 4 years has had to go to school daily and deal with girl bullies. I have tried everything possible to make things easier on her, but still it just isn’t ever good enough for the other girls. She used to love school and excelled in each subject, untill the bulliing began. She HATES school she makes every and any reason to not go lately. We did watch your show on girl world together but it didn’t seem to have much impact on her feelings. I cry almost daily when she comes in from school and tells the days tormented stories. I am to the point of removing her completely from the public school system! She is beautiful and very bright to have to deal with this much torment from girls this young. I am totally at wits ends with the next step in helping her mental distress.

  40. Mary Briggs says:

    What is really profound is that some bullies grow up to stay bullies, and some people who were not bullies but perhaps bullied grow up to try to make up for all the bullying that was done to them. I think it goes back to their early childhood that you have talked about 2-4 years. What happens to them- how they perceive it-and how they deal with it. And the individual involved. Some children who have had the same attention as anyone else still try to get more – somehow.

  41. Lynn Shafer says:

    Bullying is an issue that my family has been dealing with for quit sometime now. We have a sweet 13 year old that minds her own business for the most part and she continues to get picked on. She is not overweight, she is very beautiful and has the biggest heart someone could ever hope for. She continues to get bullied on the bus to and from school and while at school. Our schools say that they have a “NO TOLERANCE” rule but fail to enforce it. I have been on the phone mulitple times with the school and have yet to receive any resolution to the problem. The thing that I can be thankful for is that some of the other kids went home and told their parents what had happened that day to my daughter and were extremely upset. Here is what happened that day last week, a couple of the kids thought it would be funny to bring a sack of dog poop on the bus and put it on the seat that my daughter sits in. My daughter told me about it, but I did not do anything about it because she was told by the bus driver that she would take care of it. The mother of the children called the bus barn only to find out that the bus driver had not said anything to anyone and nothing was being done about it. The other kids mother called me and asked why had I not said done something about. I explained that I had made several other phone calls and was told excuse after excuse and nothing was ever done. My husband and I also did not feel that we had any support with this. She told me we do and she would be happy to help us out. She made a phone call to the parents of the kids and the bus barn and all seems to be well at this time. Her kids are now protecting my child so for now things are ok. The “NO TOLERANCE FOR BULLYING” only seems to work for some. I have argued with the Principal of the school also, my daughter has been hit twice this year from the same girl and yet nothing is getting done about it. I did call to get a copy of the report and told them that I am thinking of calling an attorney to check my daughters rights and see if something can be done with the other child and the school that is not upholding there end of the “no tolerance rule”. This is a huge issue with our kids today and most of the time that when the children are bullies that they have been bullied at one point or another and will eventually get in trouble with it. I pray every night for the safety of my child and that God will watch over her to do the right thing. We have taken religion and discipline out of most of our schools and the actions of many of the children today are reflecting that. Great show and very informative! I have ordered Jay’s book for more information on this and am really excited to receive it.

  42. Jean Mulligan says:

    Dr Phil,
    My grandson has been bullied from elementary school and now into middle school. He is small frame and a target for the bullies. While in elementary school the principle called the police on him because a black boy said he called him a name. The school was going to press charges, (4th grader) when the officer got there he talked to my grandson and the other boy. The police officer told the principle and my daughter the problem was not my grandson it was the other child. The other child was calling him names and pushing my grandson, which no one knew, until the police got it out of them. It was dropped like a hot potato, but the police officer told my daughter at any time she needs him he would stand up for my grandson.
    He started middle school 2008-2009 and it all started again, with the children from elementary school and the new friends they had made. The bus ride is the worse, he comes home with spit, and scratches on him the bus driver does nothing at all and never will. When we ask the vice-principle to view the tape from the bus he sees nothing, because the kids have others stand in front of them so it will not show, sometimes they are not covered and get caught. Whoever views the tape can hear what goes on. The last thing that happened Jan 22, 2010 one of the same bullies picked my grandson up by his shirt, and shook him. He was telling him all the ugly things he was going to do to his mother. The school was told what happened and the tape reviewed with my grandson only, in the room. The vice principle did see what was going on, and did reprimand my grandson for using bad language back to the bullies. This has gone on so long, and the school does nothing at all. My grandson now with draws up and shuts down when things happen. He was told to leave a class for dropping his books on his desk, after a bully was making fun of him for all the class to hear. My grandson refused to leave the class, so the teacher made all the students go to the hall, and she got the police officer to remover him from the class and the school took out papers on him. I do not understand why the school stands behind the bullies. My daughter told the school she was taking out papers on the boy that picked up my grandson last week, their reply was, he is already in a lot of trouble, we will handle it, don’t do anything. But they will take out papers on my grandson because he would not leave the class. Please Dr Phil it does no go to go to anyone and this child is trying so hard with no help at all from the school system, he does make good grades, he does have friends and he is in the band and could have gone to all district. But he is really having emotional problems from this mess. Thank you

  43. Mike says:

    Lost Years but not a Lost Cause!
    Without sounding Anti-Climatic or Sensationalizing, Bullying and my inability to recognize and self treat has cost me Decades of Angst. And has cost my kids (3) dearly, with the perpetual motion extending potentially to my Grandkids! It’s a shame I didn’t have your book “Self Matters” 25 years ago! (I’m about half way through!). Over the years I have read, (though not much time to read), several self help books. But none of which seems to address the topic that has so affected me, as your book and program of 2/1/2010. What seems so co-incidental or ironic to me is I recently joined Facebook, and JUST LAST NIGHT one of the bully’s that have haunted me all my life requested my invitation approval!! An unstable home in puberty years in the 60’s, coupled with a deepend introversion made me fair game for bully’s and sometimes just random comments. Self esteem issues have plagued me all my life and at times have manifest into some extreme behavior. It’s amazing to me how intelligence and/or knowledge can be over shadowed by memories of the raw emotion that’s attached to hurt and blame. Anyway, this was not ment to be a biography, but wanted to say “Thanks”!!!! Dr. Phil, your insight, your ability to communicate your knowledge and enthusiasum give those like myself a fighting chance! We can never give up and must be caregivers, teachers and nurturers to those around us. Thank you and God Bless
    p.s. Your Beautiful and Wonderful Wife Robin is an inspiration as well. (One of my daily comforts are couples living and loving together, I’ve been Divored 5-times)

  44. Sandy Spear says:

    In grade 7, I was skinney, flat chested and had buck teeth. I was traumatized and failed the year because of bullying. I was put in a locker and kept there for 15 minutes, everyone in my class stood up (except one girl) and started singing flatsy, flatsy, here comes flatsy, and I was called the living string bean and bucky. Several years ago (20 years after the bullying occurred), I was pumping my own gas when I realized one of the guys that bullied me (I still know his name) was at the pump beside me. I developed palpitations, my palms became sweaty and I stopped pumping gas because I couldnt get away from him quick enough. This bullying was life altering for me and it took years of hard work to overcome my insecurities and poor self esteem. I also vowed to not treat others as I was treated and I find myself looking out for the underdog so to speak.
    Bullying in the workplace is rampant and I feel that most adults are ignorant to the concept of adult bullying. I can’t help but wonder if the bullys at work bullied in school or have children that bully. I amy very happy to see more and more businesses develop bullying policies and although they have a very long way to go with regard to a no tolerant policy, its a beginning.
    I may not have been able to defend myself as a child but I can certainly and am determined to defend myself from bullying as an adult.

    Thank you
    Sandy Spear

  45. Jo Ann says:

    I was the little chubby, four eyed girl. Yes, I was picked on and it hurt but I also had my circle of friends who liked me for me. My fifth class reunion was the best. I had lost 30 lbs and wore contact lenses. An old boyfriend couldn’t believe it was me.

    I told the following to a neighborhood girl who was having a problem in school:

    Once you graduate from hi-school you will probably never see most of those classmates again. If you do, you can always walk the other way. Don’t let them effect the rest of your life. You will either go to work or college and make new friends and relationships.

    Now, I will admit that this was said after I became a mother. It’s a shame we have to go thru those “teen” years. We have to realize though, that some of these bully’s are unsure about themselves as much as we are. Over the years I have found out things that I never knew about fellow classmate’s home lives and realized that this could be why they acted they way they did. As a friend told me “You never know what’s in someone’s cargo hold”

  46. I can’t believe these people don’t remember hurting peoples feelings constantly. They a will be the ones who go through life still expecting others to put them on a top. Shame on them for not growing up. I am in a Middle School everyday and we have a Bully Program in place. It seems to work when you bring it to the Bullies attention at the age that they love doing it. I am proud to see the women on your show showing they have matured and sought out your help. I do think lids need to go to school, because they need to be able to deal with people socially.

    Thanks for listening,

    Susan Quintrell

  47. Lora says:

    I am really glad that Dr. Phil has taken on the topic of high school girls being bullied. When I was a freshman in high school I was not only ridiculed and made fun of but I was also bullied, my mom always told me just to ignore it but ignoring is not always the answer. The bullying got so severe that I thought about taking my own life. When I tried to take my own life by swallowing an entire bottle of Tylenol in my mind taking me to the hospital to have my stomach pump that’s when she realized the bullying was severe, my mother got me into therapy. My therapist was able to transfer me to another high school however the opportunity for a fresh start did not happen because the high school was on the other side of town and by the time I arrived for my first day of school as a sophomore my classmates knew why I transferred. For the last 20 years I’ve been able to keep my being bullied in high school a secret. Nobody wants to say that they were bullied in high school is a complete embarrassment and so ashamed of being bullied in high school. I have accomplished so much in my life in the last 20 years and I’d be throwing it all away if I came out and said I was picked on in bullied in high school. However, like surviving sexual abuse talking about getting bullied in high school does two things. It keeps you from bottling your painful past of so you do not have to turn to self-medication such as drugs or alcohol and by talking about the painful experience that lets other people know who have also been victims of being a bullied and picked on to know that they’re not going through this by themselves. I have to say overcoming my past was not the easiest thing for me to do I had to work extremely hard to overcome my past. I consider myself almost like a survivor because I came out of that hell of high school not being emotionally scarred for the rest of my life. Dr. Phil made a very clear point today on his show if you’re in your 20s or your 30s still dealing with the past of being bullied in high school the bullies from high school are no longer there its you your self that is being bullied and only you can change it. For a woman who is in her late 30s and coming out and talking about my experiences of being bullied in high school may be a young teenage girl who is going through what I went through to learn that you do not have to take your own life or self medicate. It’s important to talk about being bullied and if your parents just tell you to ignore the kids and you’re still getting bullied tell any adult you can until they listen to you because nobody has the right to be bullied.

    Lora Stephens

  48. Sarah says:

    Girls are taking the stress of their lives out on other girls. They will push each other down to make themselves look better in the view of their friends, teachers, parents, fantasy-realities etc. Fault-finding has gone to an extreme in America. And now, we are seeing the after-effects. It’s dangerous!

  49. Dr. Phil,
    My heart goes out to these people being bullied. I am one of those people who looked to the person you are instead of your shell you want people to see. Our kids need confidence in themselves and no one can touch them emotionally I think. Have you ever noticed that people who were in “Clicks” or ” The In Crowd” have been divorce many times or never married because no one was ever good enough for them? My Grandmother always said “What goes around comes around”!

  50. Carly21 says:

    I am 21 years old, been out of high school for 4 years, and still think of being bullied and wonder how children are coping with it. My junior year in high school this girl my age started saying comments to me about my appearence or what she thought of me. I ingored the comments but eventually (in P.E class we had to swim and if you forget your swimmig suit you have to walk around the pool) she would splash water on my clothes(and the teachers watched). This went on for 2 months and I did tell my mom about it, but told her to please don’t tell anyone. I would update my mom on what she did to me, such as throwing my paper on the floor and basically making me the odd one out. One day my mom called the school to talk to the principal(to tell him about what was happening) and was told that he wasn’t available but he would call her back. He did call her back but when he called he asked her how she knew what happend, my mom said well she has been telling me whats been going on. The principal said you mean this has happend more then once? The thing is, my mom and the principal were talking about two different things you see. That day this girl I walked passed her in the hall and she’s like hey Carly, get your ass over here. I didn’t but she came up to me and punched my right eye(it immediatley got huge), then she punched my left eye and it got black. I walked away and only asked her why she did that, she told me that it was because I called her a bitch(which I didn’t do). Either way nobody has the right to lay their hands on any child or adult. I am a senior in college and see this happening still to alot of people and even starting as early as pre school. Children getting bullied is such a huge issue and it is something that pulls at my heart strings because it is very personal to me. When I got bullied and punched, the girl got kicked out of school for three days and came back. A week later she shoved a girl down the stairs. Alot of the teachers in my school knew about it, but didn’t know how to handle it. To me if a child is bullying another child, they need to be confronted because when this happens and a child it hurt the bully is always justifyed because of various reason.(Justify:they were also bullied or they have a bad home life). Instead of waiting for a child to be hurt stop it when it starts and talk about it. Children being bullied is not something that is secret, it happens in front of other adults, teachers, faculty and other children. To me schools should have a zero tolernce for bullying- if a child bullies another, they are out.

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