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August 17th, 2009 by Dr. Phil

Helping Teenage Girls Survive Bullying

zEach week I get thousands of letters from you, and I’m always amazed how many of them are about girls who are being bullied by other girls. It’s a subject that almost never makes headlines in the news media. Occasionally, female bullying is fodder for such Hollywood teen comedies as Mean Girls. But the truth is that the girls in those movies are caricatures, created to get laughs more than anything else.

No one who writes me is kidding around. The stories I read from girls (or the parents of girls) who’ve been bullied range from heartbreaking to terrifying. That’s why I’m soon going to do a very important show on this topic. Here’s what I want to know: Are we at a point where girls bullying girls is getting as bad as — or even worse than — boys bullying boys?  And why is there such bullying in the first place? Is it hormonal? Psychological? Are girls that competitive? Is there some insecurity driving the bullying?

Let me hear from you, especially if you have your own bullying story. I’d love your input before we tape the show. If you agree, we might even use your story. Thanks.

239 Responses to “Helping Teenage Girls Survive Bullying”

  1. Carly21 says:

    For the parents who don’t know what they can do to stop this, although I told my mom that I didn’t want her to talk to the teachers about me getting bullied-I really did. If you have talked to the teachers and they blow you off, you have a right and thats to protect your child. I was punched and they had it on video, they told me and my parents that we had to get a lawyer to see the video. If someone lays a hand on your child press charges. I didn’t know it was an option. If no matter what you support your child they will have the confidence to stand up for themselves.

  2. 2/6/2010


    For many years I have been kicking around this old world. I am a retired, older Electrical Engineer; and I believe I can help you and other girls who are being bullied. You are being too nice or too good to these bullies. You do not have to take this bull. You can also handle it.

    First off, you do not have to fight on their terms. You can fight on your own terms. Why do you not take a bottle of black ink with you and accidentally (on purpose) throw or spill it all over the bully/bullies. Get it on their clothes, faces and all over. You can say something like Oh, I slipped. Most likely the bully or bullies will be so surprised they will feel hurt or angry.

    If the bully/bullies lay a hand on you or try to beat you up, you will have won by a country mile. They will just not know it at that instant. While they are beating you up, you can simply fall and say you are hurt and cannot get up. Just complain about how bad it hurts and say get away from me. Make the teachers call an emergency vehicle to take you to the emergency room. If the teachers or school officials want a local nurse to help you, refuse it. Make them take you home and let your parents take you to their own doctor. You can complain that your back or neck or head hurts if they try to help you up. Say it hurts too bad to get up. Then you will have real grounds to take these people including the school officials to court.

    Honey, they will be like that man who tried to have sex with that wildcat. He didn’t want someone to help hold her. He wanted someone to help turn her loose. That is something that is funny, but it is very expressive. Hope this helps.


  3. Shannan says:

    Dr. Phil…
    Lets just start off and say….Girls and boys, hold your heads high and realize it is the bullies own insecurities that makes them lash out at you, so they can feel better about themselves and there low self esteem.

    I am a woman who was bullied in junior high to the point that I went to live with my father in a different state. Yes, it got so bad I had to leave. I knew that if I did not the thoughts (suicidal) thoughts I had may have caused me to succumbed to my own insecurities and choose death instead of living.

    This in itself scares me beyond belief that there are other girls and boys getting bullied to the point of suicide. I was a lucky one, I had a supporting family that choose to alleviate the situation for me. I was a very strong willed girl and I knew if I did not stop the bullying I may have made a drastic decision that would have affected not only me but my family!

    I am NOT saying running from your problems is always justified, but what I am getting at is that sometimes bullying can become a larger problem (suicide) for children. I think everyone needs to realize that the pain the victims feel can run so deeply that they choose to take there own life. Especially if they do not have a supporting family, friends, teachers etc.

    Although, I feel that due to all the bullying I endured during my adolesence it actually may have helped pave who I am. I am more strong willed, I am very confident, I speak my mind, I am blunt, I am truthful and Strong! Honestly, I thank the bullies for helping make me who I am, and made me realize how precious life is and that life is worth living. Do Not Give Up!

    Dr. Phil all I want is for girls and boys like me to find someone who they can trust if not there parents, a counselor, or a friend. Talk about what is happening to them, do not let it eat at their soul. Take the power back, do not let the bullies win, and know that they are amazing!

    Choose to live!!!!!


  4. Christine Gould says:

    Dr. Phil,
    I am in search of a survey that I can have teachers take at a public school regarding Harrassment, Cyberbullying, and Bullying. I also want to give a pool of students the survey. Do you have any suggestions for me? I want to do this for an Action Research project for my Masters in Teacing/Special Education.
    Also, any research journals you have on programs that work in schools would be very appreciated.
    I am a teacher of Special Education students in my 18th year of teaching. What I have witnessed is not without notice. I believe we need school wide, or larger participation in order to get this under control.
    Our police department in Sioux Falls, sd recently did a commentary on T.V. with a panel of students discussing the issues. It’s huge!

  5. Christine Gould says:

    I am interested in further reading the suggestions you had yesterday for the mother who home schools her children because of the bullying she experienced as a child. I don’t know where to look on your website for assistance.

  6. Terese says:

    Hi Dr Phil

    I was watching your program today about bullying,

    My name is Terese, I am 20 years old and I live in Sweden. I was bullied all through my school life I suppose you can say. My situation is a little bit different from others but the pain is exactly the same.

    I have a disability thats called CP and to make a long story short it means I can’t walk. When I started school I started in 2 grade, little did I know that The hell that I was going to have to be going through all through out my school years began the minute I walked through the classroom door.

    The kids that were supposed to be my classmates was teaseing me about how I look, that I was so poor that my mom had to buy my clothes at a garbage dump.
    That my teeth was too big, the list keeps going at it get worse inupper (senior) level of compulsory school
    I was being physically abused, called names and the other kids would be spreading rumors and it got to the point that I was starting to skip school.

    The rock bottom for me came and I was in upper secondary school, one day I was on my way to a lesson when 5 guys pushed me into bathroom and they physically pulled me out of my wheelchair and down on the bathroom floor they started kicking me and they also kicked me in the face and thats pretty much what I remember I was in a coma for two weeks and the only one who was there was my best friend Jacob, he was the one that fund me lying in the schools bathroom floor. I was told by the doctors that if Jacob had not found me within five minutes I would be dead.

    The kids that was bullying me and physically abused me were also disabled.

    People think that it can only happen to “Normal” kids because disabled kids can’t do that to one another my answer is yes, they absolutely can’t the disability doesn’t stop them.
    I dropped out of school one year before graduating, I know its wrong but I just that couldn’t keep up with schoolwork and the bullying.
    When I talked to the school principal he said I should blam myself.
    The school didn’t do anything to help me they just said that it was my fault.

    I just wanted to bring some attention to this subject and to say that disabled persons are just as hurtful as any other kids.

    Thank you for a great program
    // terese

  7. vicky says:

    I have a daughter that has a bone disease that affect 1 in 10,000 and have one girl in school that makes her life hell. When my daughter is on crutches after a surgery this girl pushes her into her locker then laughs. The bully waits until the teacher is not looking and then pushes or pull my daughter’s hair or says something mean. We live in a very small community. The bully’s mom is a teacher at the school. When we bring it to the principals attention he makes it seem like its my daughter trying to get ateention. That can’t be father from the truth. My daughter has said all she wants to be is normal. She doesn’t want this bone disease. The bully is an open enrolled student. I want her open enrollment terminated but the principal will not do that. I have the school councler taking my daughter to her office 2 times a week to teacher to be more accertive. I just don’t know what I can say to get the school to understand that we never had problems with my daughter until the bully moved here 2 years ago. When we first brought it to the prinicpal’s attention my daughter was the one who had to change her scheduale not the bully. From the begging my daughter was being punished first then after I had another conversation with the prinicipal made the bully change. Do I bring a lawyer into this? We have a no bulling policy at school. But it seems that it is not being put into action. Do I have the right to ask for the bully to be removed from the school?

  8. wendy White says:

    Dr Phil I was hoping you would do another show or two about bullying and include my daughter CRYSTAL who is 13. She has been in and out of homeschooling and is now back in public school after I swore that she would never go back. Mainly because of the way our local school deals with bullying.They say your daughter has to learn not to be so sensitive. We are working with my daughter on this but I feel that it is just as much the schools responsibility to have a no bullying policy. I have dealt with the bullying situation since my youngest daughter was about7 years old and she is now 16 and has quit school and is dating a 23 year old man who thinks he is the boss of her and she is completely wrapped up in the fact that he says he says he loves her, she has no identity apart from him. Both of my kids used to cut themselves and have depression and anxiety issues which they inherited from me. My mom treats my oldest like a queen and the youngest like a red headed step child because she believes that my oldest daughter was molested when she was 3. I have not been able to figure out whether she was or not no matter what I do.
    I am in my 7th year of sobriety and I am dealing with my own low self-esteem issues and cannot tell my mother to but out because I rely on her for a lot. Oh,by the way I absolutely love you and think the you are awesome. How about making us your next Dr. Phil family

  9. Casey Mitchell says:

    My daughters story is different from most, yet the same.
    Lucy was bullied at primary school by the girls in her class. Lucy did wrestling (which is not as popular in Australia) and becoz of this she wa labelled a “lesbian”.
    I would tell Lucy to ignore it and walk away. The better person walks away.
    I changed her schools at end of primary school and things were better for a little while. The the bullying started at the new school. Lucy would get texts, phone calls non stop from this one certain girl, she would get her 17 yr old boyfriend to ring Lucy and threaten her, even threatened to have Lucy raped. She would tell Lucy she was a pussy for not fighting her. This started many of the girls picking on Lucy. Lucy is no shy reseved kid and would mouth back but never touched anyone, even tho she was a national wrestler who wrestled with boys.

    Lucy went out with her older brother one night and he heard these calls calling Lucy a slut whore bitch, He approached them and yelled but what could he really do? Cant touch a girl, so he took Lucy outside and taught her how to fight, how to punch and protect herself. Do i agree with that, No but this had been going on for so long in end i agreed to it.

    One night Lucy was at a concert and three of thr “popular” girls from her old school were there and started calling Lucy names again. Lucy went POW POW POW and hit all three of them, giving them really nasty black eyes.
    After that Lucy was never picked on again by anyone from that school, infact it seemed that they respected her then and did not hassle her.This taught Lucy that there is a certain power in having people scared of you. She went to her new school, were the primary school bullies were. It started again, but this time Lucy would react and be in theirs face. The girls who were so tough were backing down to Lucy. Again it seemed like they then respected her.

    The power went to Lucys head and she became a bully, she could threaten girls and they would do what ever she wanted.

    Two years on Lucy is finally learning that they didnt like her but were scared of her now. Thats not what she wants now.

    What makes me so sad is this, i went to the school, they were sympathic but what could they really do? Anytime they interfered, Lucy would cop it harder outside of school. The Police were sympathic but unless they touched Lucy there was NOTHING they could do. The parents, next to useless in what powers they had. I had texts, msn conversation, recorded phone calls proving this bullying was happening to Lucy but no one helped me.
    I watched my beautiful girl change into someone else, she became hard and had no sympathy for others. She surrounded herself with people that would “back” her in a fight. Her education has suffered greatly.

    Thank goodness, the worst is over and Lucy now is starting to realise that this is not the answer. I hope anyway.

    sad that my baby needed to learn how to fight and be aggressive to be left alone.
    Now she is known as the girl you dont “f### with”, when all she wanted was to be able to be a little girl and grow up quietly

    She is an example of when the bullied becomes a bully sadly. Saying that she only would bully girls that talked lies about her, her famil or her friends

    As a mother I am torn, I dont want my child to bully but I dont want my child to be bullied.

    I watch this happening everyday at schools, kids changing coz they are sick of being bullied, becoming aggressive and then bullying themselves.

    So what to do?? teach ur child to stand up and stick up for themselves? and risk them becoming bullies themselves??

    Need some answers

  10. TempuraRoll says:

    I was bullied as a teenage girl by this walking hormone of a girl on the bus. When ignoring her just exacerbated the problem, I took it up with my parents. We filed a police report on her, and it never happened again. I took great pride at the time (sort of like vengence) that she now had a police record, and maybe she’d make large Marge a great mate in prison someday. Is that wrong?

    I don’t really think about past bullies until the subject comes up. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

  11. Nena says:

    About a year and a half ago, I attended a dynamic workshop on the subject of bullying. The guest speaker was an author named Jodee Blanco and she has several wonderful books on the subject that I would recommend to anyone. They are well written and spoken from the point of view of a former victim of bullying. I would love to see her on your show, Dr. Phil.

  12. Dr. Phil,

    Good for you for bringing this topic up over and over. I am a Little Person who stands about 3 feet tall. Many kids who look or act different are bullied, sometimes to the brink of wanting to take their own life.

    That is why I stated speaking to schools across the US. When kids can see that everyone is different, and that difference is a good thing, they realize how much teasing and physical bullying can hurt someone for years.

    Please keep up the good work. If you ever need a real life example of someone to talk about this, let me know.

    Mark Tromino

  13. Jacquie Merrill says:

    Dear Dr. phil. I will be 45 on Sunday, and way back in late 70’s and early 80’s ( I graduated in 83) there were girl fights. Two first cousins used to get into fights on our bus route home. Boys can fight, then slap each other on the back and go off together, girls are out for blood, hair pulling their biggest weapon. I don’t know when or where u went to school but I assure you there were girl fights, over boys, and you just weren’t aware of it. I was confronted by a group of girls in the girls locker room.

  14. Sarah Schminke says:

    I was sitting in my mini van waiting for our 14 year old daughter to come to the car after school. As I sat there reading a book, the kids started pouring out of the Fort Dodge Senior High School..and I noticed a girl waiting at the curb with her focus on kids coming out of school..and then it happened..a girl walking down the sidewalk with some other girls was jumped by the waiting teen girl. The ‘victim’ was thrown down to the street..kids started gathering around yelling..ENCOURAGING..I watched in horror as the BULLY grabbed the victim by her hair and bashed her head into the street CEMENT..at this point, our daughter arrived and I got out of our van and went over to the fighting teens and I was screaming STOP IT..STOP IT..AS I PULLED THE BULLY OFF THE VICTIM..I just kept yelling to stop..told the girls to take the victim home right now after I checked her carefully..and I then went over to the Bully..checked her too, of course she was fine..I told school officials.( no help)..went back to my car and just bawled..so much adrenaline I guess..but amazing to me was there were probably over 50 parents in cars watching..half of them men and NO ONE WAS DOING ANYTHING..so I had to do something..and guess the funny thing is..I have a disability and can’t walk very well..but no way..as a mother to six beautiful children..was I going to sit by and watch that girl be killed..and I honestly believe she would have been killed…WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE???
    Thanks Dr. Phil

  15. Arlene Forget says:

    I was flabbergasted by the video of the girl being beaten as the ‘Security guards’ were watching! WHAT is THEIR ‘JOB DESCRIPTION’ ??? WHAT are they being paid to make ’secure’ ???

    I’ll bet they have ignored ‘other’ things prior to this incident ! Shame, shame !!!

  16. Okay we have all heard about THE GIRL GETTING ATTACKED IN THE TUNNEL IN SEATTLE, WASHINGTON. My niece works for Olympic Security in Seattle tunnels. Lets point finger where they need to be pointed at Mark Vinson. He owns that company. Yes the city should replace that company for security. All they can do is observe and report. But Dr.Phil you are not reporting the whole story. My niece is scared to death with all of the death threats, being followed., phone call, threated at different location in Seattle. She has moved her son out of the area. He is 3 years old, she has reported it to her supervisiors, human resourse dept. with support from them. She is not the only one getting threated. She would be doing this herself but if she talks to the media she will get fired. HELP TELL THE WHOLE STORY…………………………………………

  17. Melissa says:

    Thank you so much for this show. One of the best things I could have done is put my daughter in martial arts when she was 5 years old (shes 16 yrs old now). It gave her self esteem and taught her to never start a fight but to always excercise your right to defend yourself. I understand that school officials do nothing!!! The police do nothing!!! All this is nothing new to me or anyone else. It would be great if you can do a show like this on a regular basis. We pay our taxes, fairs, fees, and for what?! We the little people are having a hell of a time trying to change things, but guess who can? The Dr. Phil show. I think if you can do a show like this on a regular basis, call out the people who are actually provoking fights (like moms I saw on the show cheering on their daughters during a fight), police/security standing around as usual doing nothing while crimes are being committed right in front of them and so forth, maybe things can begin to change. Dr. Phil, you have the tools to make change, please try and do more shows to help out your viewers…thank you

  18. Gladys Broderick says:

    Recently I watched The Doctors, and the gynecologist asked the mother of the 14 year old (who had just stated that she had multiple oral sex partners) why she, the mother, was not shocked to hear this admission from her daughter, as she nwas subjecting herself to STDs.
    I was shocked that this mother, and others on the show, accepted this culture of immorality from their kids, and felt no responsibility to teach these little girls to have self respect!

  19. Private says:

    I do not think replacing Olympic security is the answer. Stop with the hate toward the guards whose hands were bound by Metro itself and tell Olympic’s owner Mark Vinson that it is wrong to threaten guards with termination if they jump in to help their fellow human beings when faced with a situation where someone is being hurt right in front of the guards who work for him.

    Olympic Security’s Number is (206) 575-8531. Call them and tell them to stop tying the hands of guards from doing their jobs under threat of termination. No guard should ever fear doing the right thing will cost them their jobs ever!

    The guards who had to stand down or loose their jobs and their ability to provide for their familes were just as much victims as the girl who got kicked.

    Imagine if you knew if you jumped in you would be canned for cause and not be eligible for unemployment and you had to then face your family with why you put them all at risk to soon have live with your mother in law because you can not provide for your own family. The guards standing at that scene had more to lose than all the bystanders who stood there doing nothing as well.

    What if the guards had jumped in risking their jobs, potential mega medical bill breaking company policy and then one of the people involved in the attack decided to sue the guards saying they hurt one of them protecting the girl what then people?

    Demand Metro never put any guard in such a position on their properties ever again. http://metro.kingcounty.gov/cs/feedback_choose.html

    Don’t just complain people get off your butts and start calling your representatives today to help your local security officers ! Demand that good samaritan laws be expanded to provide additional protection from termination, being stuck with mega medical bills etc for security officers just trying to do their jobs of protecting the public!

  20. Avery says:

    Dear Dr. Phil,

    I’ve been bullied since 4th grade i am in 6th now. I’m 11 years old. There was a boy in my class in 4th and he made a nickname for me and it is “Fish”. Now he is in my class again and he has friends and him and his friends call me fish when i go to school and it is really bothering me soo much. I want to do something but i dont think it will ever work. I was called a talletail for a year and if i say something it might happen again. I am also worried about my weight I’m 11 and weigh 142 pounds. Should i worry about that?
    Ps: Please HELP!!!

  21. Litten - Are we MAKING bullies? says:

    Since much bullying starts at home – how about a section of the subliminal bully who uses GASLIGHTING & TRIANGULATION? I’m talking about parents, often mothers who “gaslight” and “triangulate” in the family. Some do it to their own children – at least one of which will probably in turn, become another bully of sorts (whether it’s this kind or another kind of bullying tactic).

    There are many parents who knowingly/unknowingly do this to their own children in the name of “love” – with devastating consequences in the family dynamic and thereafter.

    I would like to see a show on Gaslighting & Triangulation as it relates to bullying.

  22. kb says:

    My daughter is being bullied by a senior at her high school. My daughter is a freshman. I have emailed her band teacher letting him know, nothing is done. I have emailed Rebecca and Carla (band board moms) letting them know I have had enough and nothing is being done about it. They said the principal would hear about it but nothing is done. I have spoken to the principal and nothing is done. My daughter is a wonderful child, she disrespects NOONE! she knows right from wrong and it must stop NOW! I have had enough! She was asked to represent her school for her magnificient clarinet playing (she has received ribbons for) and that is a huge honor, I am afraid this girl (girls) that bully her are taking that away from her now. THIS MUST STOP!!!!!!!!!!!
    What more can I do? I have even had to confront a teacher for she was bullying my daughter one day when I went into the school and SAW it for myself and I confronted the teacher telling her it will stop or there will be problems for my daughter goes to school everyday, is on time (no tardies either) is in her seat, ready to learn and that she is taking that away from her because she is bullying her and that my daughter doesn’t want to go to school anymore because of this! I told the principal and nothing is ever done about it. It is SWEPT UNDER THE RUG! I guess it is supposed to be hush hush. Well, I am not hushing about it!
    Kids can be so cruel, especially to the ones who want to succeed in life and I just don’t understand it! HELP!

  23. Edward says:

    I am a 42 year old man and I see some teens have the gall to try to bully me. I think what is going on here is the bad influence from the rapper community. Since rap music has been the in music, the teenagers go along with the rappers points of view and ideals. Since their is a number of black teens in very disfunctional families, they try to get in a gang or start a gang to try to get away from the abuse at home. But, being in a gang requires you going through an initiation to show your committment to the gang by doing bad things you would not normally do on your own. So, they might kill someone, beat up someone or make graffiti to show their loyalty. I’ve noticed most of these gangs are usually headed by a black person in my community. This person usually is a big person to intimidate anyone. Obviously, if a person in the gang wants to get out or does not want to do something, they are usually shunned by the other gang members and may be a victim in the gang themselves if they do not do what they are told which makes everything more complicated. In the case with girls bullying girls i believe that is what is going on. The girls bullying have formed their own little gang and are picking on someone who is not in their gang which is usually what happens when a person is not in a “gang”. They bully the other person to show loyalty to the group. There is a lot of that everywhere. One of the reasons why i do not have kids is that if these teenagers were to mess with my kids, I would probably kill them. Or, so I think I would. So i do not put myself in that position by having kids. My advice to these girls who are being bullied is to don’t give bullies your attention. Stay away from trouble. What these bullies want is attention. Since I am a man, I usually look at bullies straight in the eye with a mean look to let them know I am not someone’s prey and then when they acknowledge that, we usually go our separate ways. I ask that you get into God. Ask for God’s protection with his mighty warrior angels. Ask for prayer with the Christian Broadcasting Network (CBN) or other awesome christian ministries either over the phone or online. There are different alternatives to fighting. Ask God for wisdom in dealing with these people. Ask God for favor with these people. In the Bible, it says that he will make even your enemies to be at peace with you. To go back to the subject as to why teenagers are acting this way has also to do with bad talk shows promoting violence as something acceptable in society, bad popular adult cartoons, and all the trash on the internet. What gets me about these people who bully, why can’t they just get along with people and make new friends and they can have an extended family that way instead of bullying people and have great times and memorable experiences. What I also want to say to the new generation who has been influenced by these bad influences is that “I’m sorry”. I’m sorry you were born at a time when the people who were put in influential positions were very, very irresponsible. When I was growing up, everything was censored, we did not have the internet, and we did not have the bad media we have today. I was able to have a childhood that was great. I am so, so sorry you had to grow up with this. I really, really am. My word to the bullies. Why don’t you go out and make something of yourselves. If you think that you are trash and you will not amount to anything, as told by your parents or some other adult, that is a lie!! There are so many people who would love to come to America but YOU ARE HERE!! You are very blessed!! God looked at all the people of the world to be here and HE CHOSE YOU!! You are not junk!! God does not create junk!! You were made in His image. And if you need a Father, He can be your Father. In fact, he is already. You just need ask to be His child and He will. He will teach you all things, love you and guide you in everything. Remember, you can be anything you want to be. Just find the right way to make it happen. If there is abuse in your family, get advice as to how to deal with it. If someone needs to get arrested, then get them arrested. If you need to move, move! Do what it takes to make your life and family’s life better. It will be worth it!!

  24. Edward says:

    I think we need take responsibility and to pray for all kids and teenagers to be protected by God’s warrior angels by the grace of God. I also think we need to write our congressmen to ban all uncensored rap music, to be sold in our states, that encourages violence, rebelling against authority and cursing every other word. Rap music is the IN music of today and if it has a bad influence on our kids and society, we need to send a message to the rappers that we do not like your bad influence on our kids so WE WILL BAN YOU!! We need to write the producers and writers of all the bad influence talk shows and popular adult cartoon shows “to take their crappy shows OFF THE AIR!!!” The T.V. series STAR TREK, which has had five different successful T.V. series and many STAR TREK movies after the first series was canceled was brought back because the fans DEMANDED it be brought BACK!!! In the same way they did it we can do it too with this situation. I think we need to raise an organization that will voluntarily go to each household that would want there T.V. censored of all bad shows but they do not know how to because they are not technically inclined, take those bad shows off and put a security password that would be hard for teens to figure out and change it . We need to encourage our youth to get involved in great hobbies that they are interested in so they can have a great time being a youth and out of trouble. I think if we work together to make this a better world household by household we will reap the good results of what we do over time. People and teenagers are being influenced in the wrong way from someone or many things and we must be the gatekeepers of our youth and world. It will tell people and our youth that we care about them and be a good influence in the world. And I’m sure we will like this world a whole lot better.

  25. Karen Cronin says:

    My heart breaks for Phoebe’s family, that their young daughter only wanted to go to school, be accepted, and be part of “the herd.” It is absolutely appalling, disgusting, and INSANE that we as a society have accepted this as a “normal part of growing up!” To which I say; “BS!!” Our daughter now grown and thirty-one, went through hell and back for years in school; private and public. She was told to “toughen up,” “stop being sensitive”, “grow up and accept different people’s attitudes” etc. Parents unleash their wild charged wolves into the public arena, and they rabidly attack the kind, sensitive children…exactly what they are not. Parents DO need to know what the hell their brats are doing; and you can be certain that many, if not most of these wildcats, experience this disrespect at home. We always taught our children to help the underdog, to not stand by when others are being tormented, to do unto others what you would want them to do unto you. Our girls are kind and accepting, and sensitive to others. Bullying not only affects the child, but the parents as well. Its effects stay around forever. Our daughter wanted to die much of her growing up years, cried a lot, did not sleep, and because of all the torment, she lost her childhood to the bullies. Her depression and anxiety got the best of her. The teachers did nothing, the admin. did nothing, some teachers even got in on the bullying. Some may find this last statement to be incredulous, but it is the truth. We allowed her to quit school at 15–she begged and pleaded, her doctor said we should b/c of her depressive state…we did and she took her ACT, scored very well, was accepted into college and graduated, Before that, her teachers told her she was “stupid” and she did not want to learn; those were the ones who didn’t give a whit about her mental and emotional state. I could go on and on, and as you can probably tell…it still affects me and it hurts to remember what she went through. I wrote a non-fiction book about it…not published; needs much revision…anyway…after learning about another teen tormented, I had to write…we are thankful for our daughter’s life and her good doctor, our persistence and love, and her strong constitution; these were things that helped her to live. It should not be that way; children should be able to go to school and learn w/o fear of being beaten up, sexually harassed, nasty phone calls, tacks being thrown in their hair…all these things, and more, our daughter experienced at school. What the schools are turning into are jails, and the criminals are the bullies…everyone is afraid of them! What we need are Marines to get these ruffians into shape! Okay…I’ve said my say.. GRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

  26. Nancy MacDonald says:

    I JUST heard Dr. Phil say that we need to learn to treat each other with respect (bullying in schools.) One way this can be taught is to put GOD back into school. No matter how you feel about religion and GOD, you can NOT DENY that the Ten Commandments is a better way of living….And TREATING PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WOULD WANT TO BE TREATED….is one way.
    I also suggest that it be MANDATED in schools to have the group from CHALLENGE DAY.ORG come into every school, every year and teach their program. It puts everyone on a level playing field and teaches kids that they are not so different from each other.
    Of course, a lot of this starts at home….The parents need to be responsible for their children…teaching right from wrong, kindness, respect, compassion and love. Parents have dropped the ball with everything from sex education to this! When did teaching children about LIFE become the job of the teachers and NOT the job of the parents?????
    I am a stay at home mom who raised four children! (They are now 23, 25, 26 and 29 years of age.) Two of my kids were bullied…and they quit high school…only to go on to get their GED’s. My daughter could have been valedictorian, but the bullying was relentless. Fortunately, she is a strong person. She went on and applied to colleges and got accepted at every one she applied to. She ended up going to George Washington University in D.C. and was subjected to bullying by her dorm mates and then she transferred to UVM in Vermont…much more her style of college town. My son who quit high school and got his GED has been living in NYC on his own for nearly 7 years, managing an Italian restaurant in midtown Manhattan.
    My kids survived their tormentors, but it never should have happened. It MUST be stopped. Zero tolerance! Expel the bullies, jail and fine them…Teach them a lesson…just STOP letting it go!!!

  27. lISA bRERER says:

    my son was bullied in 8th grade which resulted with this small street gand catching him in the school parking lot and beating him badly with pipes and chains , i went up to the school and reported this to the princible and guidance councilar they assured me it would be dealt with but because of this beating he got a growth on his testail which made it painful to go up and down steps , so he had surgery and had the growth removed , after which he went back to school and found out the boys was not punished and nothing had changed. then he was afraid to go to school so i went with him and sat through every class with him finely they told me i couldnt come anymore. so he was still afraid and wouldnt go to school , so instead of the faculty helping the situation the guidance counsilar turned him in for truancy he finished the 8th grade in juevinile detention and that was it for school.the schools and adults dont care.
    sincerly i hope we can get the message across. its tragic, Lisa Brewer

  28. Karla Parsons says:

    I am 59 years old and I was bullied at home by my older sister. Going to my Mom, who worked only made it worse! They removed my sister from the home for 2 years which was the best two years of my life! Than my sister came back to the home,. I was beaten up and forced to do all the house work for the next two years. I was told I was stupid and did not require home work, all I was good for was house work! Because of this bulling at home, I was set up to be bullied at school for over 6 years.! It was so bad at one point that my brother came home to me being hysterical, he went out and found the boys who would not leave me alone and beat them up. He couldn’t do any thing about my sister, she was a tough persons both physical and verbal. He took the heat off me for awhile. Still to this day do not know how I made it to adulthood. Did I wish I could have taken my life? Yes, so many time! But, I know it was not the answer to my problem. Going thought my life work and the many jobs I have had to do to make a living, if someone bullies me, I do not take it! I leave or they leave! My 2nd husband has stayed with me for 35 years and if not for him and the 8 years of group therapy ( I was such a mess when he married me) I’d probably be a mess still. What helped me finish off myself was Dr Phil book “7 Defining moments”, I must have written over 200 pages in that note book on these 7 moments that defined me as a person! That book helped me change how I saw those moments! When my son was in the 6th grade level he came home after being beaten up and I saw a pattern here! I swiftly took him out of school and home schooled him! Was it the best thing for him? Yes I believed it was! I would do it again? YES! This young man they talked about on “The Dr Phil Show” today, needed to be removed from that school! It was toxic for him! As parents we are not helpless! DO what your gut instinct tells you! If you need to remove your daughter or son from that toxic situation, DO IT!

  29. Dina Fogg says:

    Dear Dr. Phil:

    I have had two children bullied at our little school ~ approximately 200 kids Pre-K through 8th grade. I have went round and round with the school administrator who has repeatedly shown that he does not have my childrens’ safety or their best interest at heart. The only time this administrator does anything is if you threaten to sue. For instances when my oldest son was in 6th grade, he was coming home with bruises on his body. The administrator had the 6th, 7th and 8th out of the playground all at the same time. My son was a little guy then, and I emailed the administrator and told him that my son was coming home with marks on his body and that I had purchased a digital camera and that I would be taking pictures of my son in the morning and when he got home and if he came home with so much as one more mark on his body, he would be hearing from attorney. (I had had previous problems with the administrator and he just patronizes you.) What do you know, he separated the grades. Last year, my youngest son, who was in 5th grade then was being bullied by a 7th grader. This year, he has been pegged in the face with a dodge ball several times, harrassed by the 7th and 8th graders, pushed in the gym. I know Dr. Phil you say that you can’t go in with barrels blazing, but what do you do, when time after time after time, nothing is done. I complained so much that the administrator said I was bullying him and to contact his attorney when I made no threats whatsoever. When I told him that my taxes paid his salary and that I expected him to do his job and that I feared for my childs safety at school . . . he told me that I didn’t really pay taxes ~ I live by a nuclear plant and the township pays for the school and we have no school tax. Eventually he made me in charge of a bullying committee ~ once again, pushing another job off on someone else. He had the 5th, 6th, 7th, and 8th grades all in the same lunch, which is where most of the bullying occured. I had to get the numbers of the kids in all of the lunches and go to the board and give these numbers. Isn’t this part of his job? The board did not know, and a master’s degree apparently did not enlighten the administrator. That change was made. The PLEASE Committee (the bullying committee) wanted to incorporate a Character Education Program into the cirriculum. The teachers don’t want any more work. I finally resigned from the committee because of the lack of cooperation from the administrator. Who is supposed to be held accountable for the safety of my children?

    There was a fight . . . the end of last school year . . . a kid stepped in to try and help and this child got punched in the eye . . . 9 stitches and a CAT scan. The decision was made by the Assistant Prinicipal to suspend the child that punched the kid, but when the parents made such a commotion, the administrator stuck his tail between his legs and CHANGED the decision. What does that teach anyone? There is so much more . . . I could go on for hours. In fact, thourghtout the years, I try to keep as much documentation as I can.

    I finally took my son to karate and that has taught him to defend himself and now, unfortunately when kids pick on him, he takes matters into his own hands because the adults have failed at helping him. It’s such a shame, because he wants everyone to like him. He’s a good kid, got straight A’s again this semester. I’ve even looked into homeschooling, but am going to school myself. I am so truly frustrated. I have went to NJ Commission on Bullying and told my story. This thing with Phoebe Prince has gotten me so upset. What if my child is thinking about suicide because of the continued harrassment? I have talked to him about it and we watched your show tonight. I don’t know where else to turn. Can you help?


    Dina Fogg

  30. Dawn C. says:

    I was watching the show today and felt bad for all those that have been bullied. However, my mind hurtskept on a young Italian boy who has been bullied by an African American for years in Cooperstown, NY. He finally had enough and shot the bully. Although, there is no excuse for murder, this poor kid is now facing jail time. Where is the justice there !!

  31. Dawn C. says:

    I was watching the show today and felt bad for all those that have been bullied. However, my mind kept on a young Italian boy who has been bullied by an African American for years in Cooperstown, NY. He finally had enough and shot the bully. Although, there is no excuse for murder, this poor kid is now facing jail time. Where is the justice there !!

  32. Amanda Pflugradt says:

    I have been dealing with my daughter (Paige 12yrs old) being bullied and taunted and recently threatened at school all year. I admit my first response was to tell her to ignore them or tell the teacher. I have off and on spoken with her class teachers about the bullying but never really got “snippy” until now. A couple weeks ago a girl Paige has had problems with for a few years cornered her in the bathroom with three other girls to back her up and threatened violence on my child at school or at home, my child called me from the bathroom crying so hard i could barley understand her. I told her to go to class and I would call the school. I made that call but the principal was in a meeting and so I left my information for her to call me back. I went and got my daughter because i knew she would not have a good day with the girls knowing they had gotten to her. Around noon I still had not heard from the principal so I called again only for the principal to tell me she had already spoke to the other girl but she needed to speak with Paige to get her side, I informed her I had gotten Paige from school and she didn’t even know about it. The principal said she would talk to Paige the next day. I was frustrated she wouldn’t speak with me nor did she ask me to bring Paige in so we could handle it at that moment. So the next day I waited for the call and the vice principal called me. She stated that she had spoke with both girls and that they agreed to leave each other alone. (this was not the first time this agreement had been made or that this girl had been told to leave Paige alone). A week later the girl made the statement again that she was goin to “beat Paige’s F****** a**”. This is not to mention the countless times my child has been called ugly, fat, whore, slut, being sent nasty messages on her facebook, and the dirty looks and little pushes in the hallway. A couple days ago they played keep away with some pictures she had. Today I walked her in the school building and we were not there 2 mins when they started on her. I stayed back to observe and sure enough one girl said “what are you lookin at” and all Paige was doin was walkin to the gym. From that moment on it was dirty looks and glances and they even tried to give me looks and tell teachers I was giving them dirty looks. I simply wanted them to know I saw them. They were not dirty looks but when they glanced at Paige I wanted them to know i was watching, I said nothing and I did nothing, I just watched in silence. Wed 4/7/2010 my child told her teacher she wanted to die, she just didn’t want to be here anymore she was sick of it all. Thursday 4/8/2010 she drew a picture of her head cut off and a cation that said ME KILL MYSELF. I have a 3pm appointment with a counselor with Paige and my husband because I will not lose my child to bullying. I blame myself almost as much as the bullies and the school because I waited so long to really say something. My child use to be happy, outgoing, did well in school, and now she is sad and dark and is failing because she just wants to get the day over to come home. Today’s show couldn’t not have come at a better time for me. I cried my eyes out for the children lost and their mothers and families and for the fear that my child could think its easier to take her life than go to school. I intend to have this meeting and then Monday Im goin to my local school board and I’m not leaving until something is done.

  33. Emma says:

    I was just watching the show about bulling and how so many have taken there life because of it ,It angers me to see that it still goes on in schools today and has gotten increasingly worse , i too have been subject to bulling in grade school thru junoir high and did try to take my own life do to that and in my school the teachers new but only one did something about it every one else just stood by. I feel there should be a law passed for those who bully just like there is law for criminals because if they are doing this in high school they will continue doing this in there adult life . there has to be some way to stop this no one should have to go thru that , it affects self essteam and makes you feel horrible.

  34. Karen says:

    I was bullied for (3) years while in elementary school. It was relentless, daily events lead by a group of the “popular” girls and reinforced by a few of the boys. It took a form of isolation, verbal insults, physical threats, some of which were carried out and extortion.

    I would pay money to buy a measure of safety for myself so I could get home after school. I lived just across the street in a quite residential area. I would be chased home and unable to make it to my house, I would seek help from people who would be home at that time of the day.

    I was in fear and dread of going to school everyday; I would vomit more times than not before leaving for school and instead of breakfast I would eat a Pepto Bismol tablet while walking across the street to the school yard.

    I never told anyone, because in some twisted way, I thought if I didn’t tell, those who bullied me would see how cool I was that I kept silent and then they would be my friend and I would finally be accepted.

    It took its toll over those years. I would sometimes look at the bottle of Norwich Aspirin my Mom had in the kitchen cabinet; I would put all the pills in my hand thinking that if I took them I would not have to be scared of going to school anymore.

    I often think of that group of bullies and what they did to me and wonder how they think back and view their actions. I am 56, so I have given them more thought than what they deserve.

    The bullying now has progressed and the results are life ending. This needs to stop!

  35. Stace G. says:

    When my daughter was in middle school the group of girls she sat with began to bully her. I spoke with her daily on this and at first she was confident she could handle it on her own and begged me not to interfere. She appeared to not be overly bothered and I told her when she felt like it was too much to please tell me and I would handle it.
    As time went on it continued to get worse, most of the girls wouldn’t say anything directly to her but through mutual ‘friends’. At one point the group had a message relayed that they were all going to beat her up, would write mean notes to her, name calling, on and on.
    One day she came home, crying and at that point I took over. I called the principal and told him what had happened and he was shocked/horrified and promised to talk to the girls that very day. That was early in the week.
    That day I asked my daughter if he had talked to her and she said no. I was so surprised, I thought it was very serious and he would deal with immediately! I thought surely the next morning he would talk to them…and yet he did not. I called him back, now 2 days had passed and he told me he forgot.
    He FORGOT. Really?!?
    Promised he would do it right then. He did not.
    So I called him again and when he started to act appalled at his own actions and blubbering how he was sorry, I interrupted him and calmly told him that I was not calling because I was concerned about MY daughter’s well being, I was very concerned about the other girls, because you see, my daughter is a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and I was very worried that she was going to seriously hurt someone if pushed to hard.
    After a full minute of silence he asked if I was serious and I told him I was deadly serious…she can break concrete with her HAND, she could break a nose with the flick of her wrist, I expressed grave concern about the other girls safety.
    He called the girls in his office and the problem was resolved in 20 minutes.
    I do know this is NOT a typical case but I feel like it was a small victory in this large battle in bullying! We need to win the war though and I have no idea what to do :^(

  36. Pam S says:

    My 15 yr old daughter is a freshman in HS and has been bullied. I have a text in my phone by one of the girls stating that they wanted to ruin her life. I believe they are jealous because she is popular and had a boyfriend at the time. It got so bad that I called the school and was promptly told to “shut up and not talk about it”. The counselor told my daughter to suck it up and not let them see her upset. The Superintendent told me he would call me back and never did. I went to the school board meeting and was quickly hushed as the TV station was there. They did take my name and number and finally listened to our story – but 2 weeks have gone by and nothing. I called the police who said that they can’t do anything either. We are considering home schooling next yr – but personally I think the bullies should be dealt with….This is horrible. No one takes this seriously.

  37. Linda says:

    My child was bullied like nothing I have every seen in my life, it lasted her entire school yrs and then some. It was all carried out by the same mastermind who started it in grade 2. Mostly she spread horendous rumors at least 3 per week and let it be known to all the other kids if they wanted to continue at that school they better side with her. They did. We did everything from talking to everyone at the school up to the superintendent. We went to the police on one occasion, we spoke to a lawyer (he didn’t have a clue and sent me a bill for hundreds of $). The more we wanted something done, the more the teachers as well as the popular kid and her friends did to our child and yes now they just wanted her out of that school. I was amazed that even the teachers could pick on a 10 year old quiet, sweet little girl and see how hurt she was and just keep doing it. Her every so neat workbooks were returned with holes in the pages and covered with coffee – the teacher writing – Oops! I wasn’t going to even mention that the teachers got involved because I thought no one would believe it. Lots of people have mentioned it and believe me it’s true. Many were friends with the bully and her bully mother who spent more time at school than she did at home. The teachers helped the bully, definitely took her side and all the others kids knew what they had to do. We moved and left that school but it’s a small town and they soon spread it to the next school. She had a few very good months before they made enough contacts there. Then came high school….we went through another round of talking to ppl there, I joined the PTA. None of it did any good. She was so afraid to go to school she was almost sick to her stomach every morning, she even passed out one morning. After being an A+ student she was now missing a few days every week, she just couldn’t face it. Just a few examples of what happened to her….she was dragged off a bus by the hair, they sprayed unrine in through the holes of her locker and everything including her coat was full of it and when she put it on it went all over her and it stunk. She phoned crying and I went to get her and washed the clothes right away. They painted a sword on her locker with dripping blood, stating she must die. I phoned the school right away about the sword and death threat and was called back later in the day by the school and apprently a teacher and the VP went to look and there was no message. I was told it didn’t happen. I waited for my husband to come from work, we went to the school after hours, asked the janitor to please let me go to my daughters locker, this section of the school is locked so they thought I would never see it. We went, it was washed but it could still be read clearly. They out and out lied. She left this school as well. She did eventually finish and went to university, two degrees, on the Dean’s list but scared for life, how could you not be. It affected her whole family, none of us will ever be the same. It’s the bullies of the past who do it because they have low self esteem and end up in jail – that is NOT the bully today. They are smart, cunning, devious, manipulative and cruel and yes they end up being teachers themselves and other accomplished positions using all the same skills they perfected in school.

  38. Lynn says:

    My Daughter is a Junior we live in a small town. My daughter during spring break told me of stuff happening to her @ school. She got pushed into the locker, tripped & so on. Her & her friends told me they were the Football guys. The guys laughed about it. What type of boy’s hurt girls. How can this be happening. I also found out this is happening to other girls. What kind of parents raise there kids that this is ok. & if they say ” Oh – Duh I had know idea they were doing that ” Bull !!! She is going to be able to go to College next yr. so she won’t have to put up w/ this her Senior yr. I aked do you want me to talk w/ the Principal. Thinking what she told me I then realized why would i ask if she wants me to talk w/ the Principal – this is my Baby & noone messes w/ her. Got on the phone to set up a meeting w/ the Principal this AM. I read a note here from a girl stating her mom asked her the same thing & she said no – but really ment yes. Stating parents have a right to defend there children. That is what I am going to do. Parents Please remember that they are our kids we need to help them when the school, teachers or they themselves can’t. Maybe all of this Crap will stop when we the Parents put our FOOT DOWN & say “No More “

  39. Bobbie Jo says:

    I truly believe the bullying starts at the Elementary level between the students and in our case, with some of the teachers. Not all teachers are bad, but some are and it’s a hard thing to prove! My child was being bullyied and when I spoke to his classroom teacher about it, she went to the parent of the child I was complaining about and told them it was me who was reporting her child. Then later, my son (who’s in the fourth grade) was squeaking his shoe on the floor in the lunch room and he was not given a warning, but was told to go stand against the wall with his face to the wall. Needless to say, he only gets 30 minutes for lunch, but that day he only got 5 minutes to eat his lunch. He was denied his lunch for squeaking his shoe on the floor! When we went to talk to the principal, Elementary Coordinator, and Superintendant about the incident, they pretty much blew us off and hoped we were going to go away! The lunch lady then kept picking on him and moving his seat when he wasn’t doing anything wrong. The only way I could verify this was by talking to the other students who were sitting around him. I could tell you numerous of things that happen in these schools that so many parents are not aware of, but it would take all day! I believe the teachers and staff member watch out for each other and it shouldn’t be that way. I think they should let parents vote on our board members, principals, and Superintendants just like we vote for the political offices. I think this would make them realize that if they want to be guaranteed a job next year, they should do what’s right. They forget they are working for us/with us and not against us! I also think they should make it mandatory for teachers to be graded by parents just like students are being graded. I believe this would show if they are doing their job appropriately according to the majority of parents who graded them. It’s time to make some changes in our schools, as far as, finding a way to eliminate the bullying between the students and SOME teachers/staff.

  40. Ron Smith says:

    I have an 11 year old daughter in the fifth grade who has been the victim of bullying starting the second week of this school year. The teachers have ignored the behavior in the classroom, supervisors have been ignoring the behavior in the cafeteria, and the supervisors have ignored behaviors on the playground. We have had a broken arm on the playground after trying to report the bullying and was told to quit being a tattletale. A split lip, threats of have her other arm broken, punched in the stomach and pushed down – all in the classroom but the teacher claims to not see any of the negative behaviors in the classroom. I have struggled over this and one of the biggest bullies that is responsible for all of the incidents exceopt the broken arm is the child of two school teachers. I have been either ignored by the superintendent who does not support the principal and also told by an interim superintendent that I just need to tell my daughter that unfortunately she has learned an adult lesson. Not all bad people get punished and she just needs to get over it. Oh, did I mention that I am on the school board and have been ridiculed by staff, teachers and the union as micromanaging because I am in the building so much. How do the victims win in these situations?

  41. Terri says:

    I am a mother of a 15 year old daughter that has been bullied for most of her school years. She is now in the 9th grade and the bullying has gotten worse and as a mother it sickens me to know that as many times as I have been up to the school to inform them of the bullying, they have yet to handle the situation. The bullying has now moved to the myspace pages and I was horrified when I saw what they were putting on there about my daughter and the pictures they copied and pasted and then edited and added things and words to them. I contacted myspace and they reacted immediately and deleted the page, but not before I copied everything. I am so scared to send my daughter to school because they kids have threatened her and told her they would get her if she tells, thank goodness my daughter trusts me and confides in me to tell me. I have gone to the school 2 times regarding these same kids and their response was well my daughter was responding to them and I was told that my daughter was not so innocent. What does a mother do when nobody in the school wants to help and police tell you they can’t do anything until physical contact happens? I don’t want my daughter to be a suicide statistic and I can’t not send her to school, but I am sick everyday worrying about her.


    A terrified mother!

  42. Rebecca says:

    Dr. Phil, I am at a loss. My daughter was asulted due to bullying and the bullying keeps continuing. I have taken the proper steps with the administration and I jis hit brick walls. I wasn’t contacted by an adult when itnhappened they took it up on themselves to determine she was not injured but infact we now have close to $5,000 in medical bills and I feel the school should own up to them. Then the school coaches lost her mess and I am stuck again with the school doing nothing. She was humiliated by a teacher in front of a class room and she continues to get folders written on that say: how’s your face mother f*****! I am a single mother and am doing my best to raise my daughter with morals and values and she should not have to be scared to go to school. One thing we were told when asked: in the future how do you plan to handle something like this and the principle said while patting my daughter on the sholder, the next time this happens (her getting asulted) you be sure to tell us to call your mom emediately! She ahold not be responsible for that. That is why we have the adults there! Dr phil I am crying out for help!

  43. dalana moore says:

    I am a parent with a daughter who has disablitys and she is being bullied on.These schools take it as a joke.My daughter was hit by one student and other kids helped.My daughter is scared to go back to school because kids have told her that if she tell she will die. No kid should have to go through this.This mom is not going to stand around and let noone put there hands on my kid.I am taking it all the way.Me and her father cry every night think of all the pain my daughter is going through right now.I tell her daily that love her very much and she is beatifully in every way.I will not send her back to school till i feel she is ready.No matter if i have to go to jail for it.I have no problem standing up for my kid and what i think is right. Dalana Moore

  44. Tim1959 says:

    What can a parent do when their child is bullied at School and even after the incidents are reported more than once nothing is done. Sure the School says they will investigste the matter and statements are taken from all parties involved but that’s as far as it goes. In the meantime, the bullying continues to get worse and even escelates into a threat to shoot my child in the head. The School sends us to a “Court Designated Worker” who in turn refuses to hear from us and tells us the School is responsible for handeling such matters.
    I guess my question is simple … when the Schools fail to give us the help we need and the County Court doesn’t seem to want to get involved what are the parents to do? Do we wait to see if the threat is carried out and risk our child’s life? Given the specific circumstances in this particular situation that is not an option for us yet everywhere we turn for help we get the same old empty promises of “We’ll see what we can do”.

  45. laurien says:

    i got bullied for the first time when i was 4 years old. children in kindergarden would hassle me about my mother always talking to me in german instead of dutch. they would say my mother was stupid, not being capable of speaking the language. after that it always went on and on and on. during elementary school, high school and even college. during elementary school it was the worst. being shut out, kicked and pushed around. i got thru, but still. i am almost 44 now and i still feel that i am not good enough. i still have suicidal thoughts because i would like to have a good friend and i always feel that i am there on my own although rationally i know i have friends who care about me. i am insecure, not happy with who i am. got over bulimia more or less. i think part of the problem lies within me. but finding a solution is not easy. a couple of weeks ago i had had it with life. i have a great guy, two beautiful sons and a lot of people are envious about what i have, but still i cannot be happy. for me my life was uther bliss until i was four, and now i feel that i am hanging on. i wish i could be a person who could laugh out loud, who would be able to enjoy life(my life is truely very close to being perfect), but i am so insecure. the girls who bullied me did not understand what they were doing. are they to blame? partially yes, partially no. everyone carries their story and i think i have to stand up for myself of what i am making of my life right now. i think it is not too late to find happiness. now it is up to me.

  46. Claudia says:

    I worked in one of the best school districts in San Diego for 17 years. We had a 0 tolerance rule for bullying in all schools. that meant we had assemblies for all students throughout the year to remind the students of this. We had students speak on autism, all disabilities, and race. The school official that was on the show with the Muslim students was deplorable. So was the attorney. If you play the tape back, the facial expressions from the principal (?) was like he was going to have a stroke when the mom was speaking. They were no telling the truth or the other students would not have been able to bully the entire year. I had to replay the show because I was so upset the first time. I am a white American Christian from the south and I see a lot of diversity her and California. My politics do not come into play with children. I may not approve of the Muslim was of life, but do you wonder why these children would hate us? These men and the parents are shameful. The students were not right in what they did, but no one should believe that the staff did not know what was going on. Shame on the teachers.

  47. Margaret says:

    Hi Dr. Phil,

    I will not allow fear to overtake me as related to bullying, but my daughter as been a victim of bullying since her 9th grade year, now a junior, and it still exist as we to this day. I have attempted to talk with the girls, their parents, police department, which lead to one arrest, principal, superintendent and the problem still exist. At this point, my daughter is aggressively lashing out will fights and verbal confrontation to prove she is not afraid, but it has lead to suspension. Now, she is looked at as the problem. She was suspended for verbal confrontation, but when she was pushed, the girl was sent back to class and told to not do that anymore. God has allow me to feel her sucidal thoughts, when I asked was she considering it, she said yes. She was very shocked that I knew. I am at the end of my road and no where to turn. She had one more year to attend this school. I shouldn’t to drive miles for her to be a safe environment. I am now just trying to keep my voice in her head more than the voice of the persons that is bullying her. Keep us in your prayers.

  48. CC says:


  49. Jan Gills says:

    Adults will not work amidst hostile environment. Adult work places have laws against a hostile environment. Why then do children, all ages, have to attend school in a hostile environment on a daily basis? My heart went to the Muslim children and their brother so harrassed that he resorted to violence. Have multi-cultural events where students create presentations about their heritages. Talk about some of the clothing styles, and why Muslims where the attire they do. People stare and mock the unknown. Kids need to take responsibility for actions. Schools get tough on bullying. When it’s daily, children are hurt emotionally, and they need your protection. It’s a hostile environment, and that’s illegal.

  50. Internet Blog…

    It was an fascinating blog post that inspired me to write-up this news story….

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