A Page Torn from the "Duh" Journal
It probably won’t come as any surprise to you that I get absolutely flooded with “scientific” studies from friends, colleagues, researchers and even some of you viewers with a great sense of humor, who believe you have uncovered new insights to human behavior — or at least like a good yuk-yuk moment. I love getting these.
Sometimes I’m thinking, “Jeez, this must be our tax dollars at work!” Somebody, probably you and me, is likely funding some of this “research!” Anyway, I thought I would clear a bit of my inbox. Who knows, maybe there is something here you really didn’t know. If so, you are either a guy with a football where your brain is supposed to be (I swear, I get that way this time of year!) and would be out of your emotional depth in a street puddle, or have been in a coma for a few decades. Anyway, enough smarty-pants remarks. Here’s the current crop with a few observations (more smarty-pants remarks).
1. The number one thing women lie about to their partner is whether or not they are attracted to another man.
Big surprise, huh? I thought it would be about how they voted on “American Idol” or if they had really changed the oil in the pickup truck. And I’m guessing — oh, just really guessing here — that men aren’t exactly fessin’ up to finding another woman attractive, either. Think about it: It’s not exactly a good way to start off the day; with hubby telling the missus over breakfast about the hot new woman at work.
2. Marriage helps people cope with depression.
Unless, of course, your mate is the cause of it. I guess misery enjoys company.
3. Having a TV set in your bedroom decreases your love life by 50 percent.
Well, that’s why I’m on daytime TV. But, no shock there. I’m guessing that looking at my good buddy David Letterman chatting up Paul Shaffer isn’t putting anyone in the mood. On top of that, I guess your relationship is kind of in trouble when the three words you say most often to your spouse in bed are, “Where’s the remote?”
4. Couples who schedule occasional “date nights” have stronger relationships.
With, of course, the caveat that the date is with each other, this is, of course, about scheduling time for each other, which could, God forbid, mean turning off the BlackBerry or actually telling the kids “no.”
5. Men gossip as much as women.
I think they must have taken that survey in a bar or locker room. Of course, we don’t call it gossip. We say it’s “inside information.”
6. Alcohol consumption is more detrimental to women than men.
I think a lot of women can take a good look at who they are sitting on the couch with and confirm that without a survey.
7. Doing small favors in a relationship — like the dishes, walking the dog — may improve the relationship more than doing big things …
… Like doing the dishes and walking the dog.
8. Men more than women tend to lie about the number of romantic partners they have had.
Talk about stating the obvious. Did we really need to do a survey to learn that? On the other hand, you wouldn’t stop and eat at a truck stop if you were the only car in the parking lot! I mean, maybe it would be painful to think you were apparently the only person on the globe who was willing to have sex with this guy!
9. Married men live longer than single men.
Married men are, however, more willing to die! Ha! Just kidding … I kid.
I’ll keep them coming. And if you happen to see something that I might appreciate, send it on. At the least, it makes for a good laugh, if not a revelation.