Comments on: Teens and Birth Control, Part Two

By: Hillary

Hillary — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 02:17:50 +0000

My mother became a parent at age 18. She married my father and went on to have six more children with him, the oldest five being daughters. I am the youngest daughter. I have a close relationship with my mother, and she has always been very open with me, especially about sex and similar matters. She expressed to myself – and all my sisters before me – that while she does not regret the life she has lived, she knows that the timing of such milestones as pregnancy and marriage have made things more difficult on her (she graduated from USC at 22, pregnant with her first child and financially independent). Her mother before her also began a family out of wedlock, but refused to discuss these issues with my mother. My mother believed that she could reverse this cycle by forging a bond of openness and trust with her own daughters. She promoted waiting as long as possible, but humbly cited her own past as an acknowledgement that that is not very realistic. She made it very clear that if we took the risks involved with sex, we should best protect ourselves from any negative consequences, such as pregnancy or STDs. That said, she did not proactively seek birth control for any of us at a young age. Two of my sisters asked for it in their teens, and after very deep conversation she allowed and paid for it. My other two sisters and myself each began using it in our teens as well, but used our own means to acquire it – I went to Planned Parenthood. Just a few months after I began taking it, I told my mother. She was proud of me for being a responsible young woman, and I was proud of her for being a responsible parent. She acknowledged reality, gave her “motherly” opinion on waiting, and armed us with the knowledge we needed to make informed decisions about sex. Three of my sisters are now mothers themselves. They waited to have children until after they had graduated from college, become financially independent, established a career, and gotten married. My fourth sister is neither married nor a parent, and this is by choice, because she has other goals she wants to achieve first. I am a college student in a monogamous relationship, and I have dreams for myself that would be made highly unlikely (at the very least) if I were to have a child now. I am grateful for my mother and the way she raised me, and my family is proof that it works.

By: Colleen

Colleen — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 15:12:48 +0000

I am the mom of two girls, 13 and 16. My 16 year-old has been seeing her boyfriend for nearly six months. We’ve had several conversations about birth control in which I’ve been very open — effectiveness, risks, STDs. She never really came out and asked to be put on the pill. We’ve also included conversations about her life goals, emotional impact (what if they have sex and then he leaves). She’s been dropping hints along the way about how bad her periods are and that if she were on the pill, they’d be so much better. Finally, she approached me the other night asking to be put on the pill. She says 50% so to treat her cramps but also in case she has sex. She says he’s not pressuring her to have sex but it is obvious they’ve discussed it and may even have preliminary plans — my husband and I think prom. Anyway, I’m mixed. If I put he on the pill, I feel like I’m giving her permission. If I don’t, I’m afraid of the “heat of the moment.” So this is what I’m thinking. Talk to her again about my concern for her emotional health if things go bad and that they’ve only been dating six months. I’ll talk to her doctor for recommendations to treat menstrual discomfort, and if in 6 months she still thinks she wants to be put on the pill, I’ll do so no questions asked. I like the boyfriend but this is her first real boyfriend and, at this age, relationships don’t tend to last. So I’m just thinking that in six months she may feel differently about this young man. She just started a job too so I really think if she wants to be responsible for her body, she should be responsible for the cost of the prescription. Thoughts?

By: catherine

catherine — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 13:30:54 +0000

hey im catherine im 21 and i had my baby girl on the 13th of october 09 i was 20 at the time i had my daughter and i didnt really have a mum that spoke about safe sex and all that as it was hard to talk about these things and i didnt speak with her either i wish i had of used protection as it was a silly decision on my behalf as i did end up pregnant and i wouldnt change my daughter for the world but i should of waited till later on in life as i would of been more set up i was luckly enough to have my career but i didnt have a husband to be there i have been a single mum since word get go but i had to cut the bad things out of my life so my daughter had the best life as men that have no stability in their lives cant provide for a child and thats why i made the decision to do it on my own and i think the best thing for woman that have kids is their main piority if i ever found out my partner had or had even been accused of putting a hand on my daughter he would be so far out the door and i wish younger mums would see that just because your in love doesnt mean its the best thing .. and ill be the first person to advocate safe sex as young girls need to live and be young as it is a life changing decision and your life isnt your own any more and its not your time its baby time… i really hope young teens see what people are saying because i never listened and now im a single young mum and its hard but its something i chose and i love it but its a decision i wasnt ready for and i shouldnt of been stobern and listened because the best advice is from someone who is in that decision and if young girls and teen think it wont happen to them it will and can happen and if you think birth control isnt a good idea live a day in the life of a young mum and if more teens think birth control isnt a good idea then there will be alot more teen pregnancies

By: Sue

Sue — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 05:07:00 +0000

Wow, I’m glad I found this thread. My daughter will be 15 in a few months, and has been with her boyfriend for 4 months. I know that they are “talking” about sex, but they swear they have not, yet. I want her to go on the pill, but she told me that she doesn’t want to, because then we will think they ARE having sex. I’m putting her on it anyway. Luckily, we LOVE the boyfriend, and he’s like a part of our family after knowing him for 4 months. Dad and I have always been very open with our two daughters (the other is 13….no boyfriend yet), ESPECIALLY about sex…..the joys, the risks, everything. Such controversity about birth control for these girls. I will put both of my daughters on it. They are well informed about sex, pregnancies, diseases, etc….but c’mon!!! They’re teenagers!!! No matter how well you communicate with them and arm them with information, they aren’t always going to think with their brains.

By: Bailey

Bailey — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 21:53:22 +0000

First off I was that teen girl that got pregnant and I NEW what I was doing I new what birth control was. we wanted a baby, I new my mother would flip, I new there went my youth, but thats what I WANTED. Me being like most teens I did what I wanted. I in no way shape or form regret my child, children now, but if I could I would go back and tell myself give it a few years there’s still a few really cool (childless) things to do.So my advice to you baby hungry teens WAIT at least two years if someone wants to have a baby with you chances are they or someone else will be plenty willing to join in the act with you in a couple.MOTHERS show them this! every time they ask to go somewhere tell them sure but if you had a baby were goes that!(whatever that want to do) P.S the only teens that dont know about safe

By: Melinda

Melinda — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 03:09:57 +0000

I just want to say to all the teens out there as well as the parents: Please don’t put all your faith in a pill, a shot or an implant. These are artificial hormones and don’t always work. My daughter is 11 years old now and is a pill baby. I took the pill just like I was supposed to and I still got pregnant. Her biological father is a deadbeat. He has not seen her since she was two. No phone calls, letters, nothing. He just ran.

Please be sure to let your daughters know that even though they are on birth control, there still is a failure rate and that they can still get pregnant.

I read the posts here and I got the feeling that the parents out there are putting way too much faith in birth control. It is not 100%. It may be close but your daughters can still come home pregnant.

By: Mickey

Mickey — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 20:24:46 +0000

I just found out that my 17 year old daughter is pregnant….she does not live with me, so I am upset that her father and step mother for not having a direct conversation with her…. or that she would have talked to me about it— I know I am at fault too. She is scared and I am very concerned. She is considering all her option, and I am just not sure how to guide her. Or what her father and stepmother will say when they are told. I wish there was someone I could get support from so I could help her make the toughest decision of her life.

By: Kimberly

Kimberly — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 03:08:05 +0000

Dear Dr. Phil,

My mom has always been really supportive in educating myself and my sister about sex and other similar topics. She always told me that I could come and talk to her about anything (i.e. getting on the pill). However, being younger I was also afraid to go to her.

During my senior year of high school (I am now in my softmore year of college) an exchange student from Switzerland came to speak to my French class. We ended up questioning him about the sex education offered in Switzerland. He said that in the area of Switzerland where he is from, that it is common for boys and girls to become sexually active in middle school and have multiple partners throughout life. He also said that sex education begins in kindergarten and is required every year until graduation. There are school nurses whom provide and teach students about birth control.

I do not believe in people becoming sexually active so young and with having multiple partners. However, I know that it is happening. My school did not have any sex education classes. All we learned about was STDs. I believe sex education of various levels should be offered from kindergarten through high school. The truth is often unlearned or construed from learning through peers and their peer pressure.

Before becoming sexually active, after I graduated high school, my boyfriend and I discussed birth control. I’ve always known about the pill, but I was too afraid of it because I’ve always had problems remembering to take medication. Plus, as a double major in college and working part time, I already have enough on my plate to remember. Then I discovered Implanon from my boyfriend’s sister. For everyone whom has not heard of Implanon, it is basically a plastic toothpick that is inserted into the fat of the arm between the shoulder and the elbow. It lasts 3 years and has a lower percentage fail rate than the pill. Without insurance it is 1000+, but my Dad’s insurance covered everything. All I had to pay was the copay for the consultation visit, then the copay again when I went to have the procedure done. It must be done during the girl’s period, and my period was messed up probably for about 6 months before it regulated.

Before we became willing to try the Implanon by itself, we also used spermicide and condoms. I definately recommend to use multiple methods with any usage of birth control. Especially if with multiple partners. Always consider how your relationship is and think that if you became pregnant today would you be okay? Let that be the decider of how many methods are used.

I am a big believer in parents talking about boys and girls about sex. My sister is in 7th grade and she comes to me with the questions she is too afraid to ask my mom. I hate how people act like sex is a thing to fear. I am not married, but my boyfriend and I plan to become married sometime after I graduate college. We live together, have sex, make love, pay bills, and go through life as if we were married. I do not feel bad for being sexually active. I think it should be stressed to boys, girls, men, and women that sex and love can be beautiful and can enhance a relationship if it is already meaningful. However, there are always risks emotionally and physically when becoming sexually active. Parents and teachers not only have to tell children and students about the risks for pregnancy and STDs, but also about how relationships change. My rule of thumb: Do not have sex unless you seriously believe that the relationship is serious, meant to last, and can survive the possible changes.

I have been with 1 person, my boyfriend. Why did we agree to become sexually active? Because we are serious about our relationship and were ready for the next step and any possible outcomes. I would like to add that my boyfriend had been previously engaged and sexually active with his fiance, making me the second person he has been with. Before we became sexually active in any way, I told him he must have an STD test. He agreed without any argument and the results were negative. **Ladies, if he loves you he will be willing to wait and to have a simple test done.

By: Cass

Cass — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 18:15:13 +0000

I am a 26yr old married mum of 4 kids,,,i had my first daughter at a very young age(17yrs) and whilst i do wish my parents had talked to me more on these sorts of subjects it is really up to the teenager to take steps to get on birth control.My daughter was in no way planned but i have found many young girls wanting to become a mother, I normally offer them babysitting in the hope they see how hard it really is,,and also tell them exactly what is involved in being a mum.I know that there r alot of unplanned babies but i think the problem is also that alot of young girls actually want to have kids when they are really still children them selves!

By: Marleigh

Marleigh — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 14:08:52 +0000

Candyce,
AMEN! you understand exactly what i was trying to say. i may be a virgin but that doesn’t mean i don’t want to have sex and it doesn’t mean i wont at some point before i’m out of school. birth control should be there for any girl is she wants and decides to take it. it is for no one to judge.