Comments on: Should Kids Have a Say? http://blog.drphil.com/2009/10/23/full-disclosure/ Dr. Phil- Start A Change Reaction Sat, 15 Jun 2013 14:27:50 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8 hourly 1 By: Krista Burgett http://blog.drphil.com/2009/10/23/full-disclosure/comment-page-3/#comment-12621 Krista Burgett Mon, 05 Apr 2010 22:31:26 +0000 http://blog.drphil.com/?p=1686#comment-12621 I guess to a degree, it depends? I have two different scenarios. I have a mom who is an alcoholic and a dad who has out of control gambling. With my dad, he had a severe stroke and I became power of attorney while he was incapacitated. However, despite my plea's with the hospital that his short term memory was horrible and he wasn't able to be make good decisions on his behalf and be financially responsible, they supposedly did a neuropsych exam (which is a lie, I know these take hours and what they entail) and deemed him able to handle his own affairs and would not honor my POA rights. I recently told my dad I was going to have to consider taking it to court to enforce POA as his bills aren't paid and not because he doesn't have the money....he never opens the mail and he goes to the casino and gambles for hours forgetting the time. I live 5 hours away, do I interfere knowing his behavior is detrimental to his well being? Yes. He's got a girlfriend I do not get along with. In this matter I stay out of it. I believe his personal relationship as long as he's happy and it's not affecting him in a negative way is his business. She's helps keep him in line and for that I am grateful. My mom I finally took to AA and bought her the books. She was hiding behind a bottle and destroying herself and everyone around her. You bet I stepped in. Would I want my own kids to step in? You bet I would. Does their vote count? It depends. When I came home from a work trip to find out their dad was cheating on me, they came to me and told me and they told me what they thought should happen. I listened because they had to live in the environment since they were teenagers and they had to live in a divorce situation. My own wants and needs don't need sacrificed, but I'm respectful enough of their opinions and how things I do will impact them, even though what they say might not change my mind. When my boyfriend and I were going to move in together. I asked them before asking him to move in. Absolutely, there vote would have counted. Moving someone in they didn't like would only have caused problems and been a disaster. If they didn't live with me, then no, their vote wouldn't count, but I'd still listen to what they had to say because I may be too in the moment and too in the situation to notice things that might be detrimental down the road. I think overall, family just looks out for family and sometimes we want a vote and are discouraged when our vote doesn't count. I think each individual case will be difference as to if the vote counts or not. I think overall, having mutual respect and consideration is more important that whether we win or lose our cause. Families sometimes tell us things we don't want to hear, but sometimes that outside perspective is more real than the reality we think we are in and it's not bad to pause and take it into consideration. I guess to a degree, it depends? I have two different scenarios. I have a mom who is an alcoholic and a dad who has out of control gambling. With my dad, he had a severe stroke and I became power of attorney while he was incapacitated. However, despite my plea’s with the hospital that his short term memory was horrible and he wasn’t able to be make good decisions on his behalf and be financially responsible, they supposedly did a neuropsych exam (which is a lie, I know these take hours and what they entail) and deemed him able to handle his own affairs and would not honor my POA rights. I recently told my dad I was going to have to consider taking it to court to enforce POA as his bills aren’t paid and not because he doesn’t have the money….he never opens the mail and he goes to the casino and gambles for hours forgetting the time. I live 5 hours away, do I interfere knowing his behavior is detrimental to his well being? Yes. He’s got a girlfriend I do not get along with. In this matter I stay out of it. I believe his personal relationship as long as he’s happy and it’s not affecting him in a negative way is his business. She’s helps keep him in line and for that I am grateful. My mom I finally took to AA and bought her the books. She was hiding behind a bottle and destroying herself and everyone around her. You bet I stepped in.

Would I want my own kids to step in? You bet I would. Does their vote count? It depends. When I came home from a work trip to find out their dad was cheating on me, they came to me and told me and they told me what they thought should happen. I listened because they had to live in the environment since they were teenagers and they had to live in a divorce situation. My own wants and needs don’t need sacrificed, but I’m respectful enough of their opinions and how things I do will impact them, even though what they say might not change my mind. When my boyfriend and I were going to move in together. I asked them before asking him to move in. Absolutely, there vote would have counted. Moving someone in they didn’t like would only have caused problems and been a disaster. If they didn’t live with me, then no, their vote wouldn’t count, but I’d still listen to what they had to say because I may be too in the moment and too in the situation to notice things that might be detrimental down the road.

I think overall, family just looks out for family and sometimes we want a vote and are discouraged when our vote doesn’t count. I think each individual case will be difference as to if the vote counts or not. I think overall, having mutual respect and consideration is more important that whether we win or lose our cause. Families sometimes tell us things we don’t want to hear, but sometimes that outside perspective is more real than the reality we think we are in and it’s not bad to pause and take it into consideration.

]]> By: Laura http://blog.drphil.com/2009/10/23/full-disclosure/comment-page-3/#comment-10492 Laura Sat, 13 Feb 2010 04:01:58 +0000 http://blog.drphil.com/?p=1686#comment-10492 I need help! Our two boy's ages 8 and 9 (they are 11 months apart) have recently started bickering (constantly - am to pm). The oldest feels I don't trust him and take sides with the younger one. My husband feels I'm consistent. My parenting style is "authoritative" per your "family first" book. It seems to me that they do not know how they sound or know HOW much they bicker in a day. How do I gain my oldest son's trust back and explain to him the role we each have to keep a happy home. My husband and I don't bicker, their just being two boy's that are annoyed with being with each other too much. The oldest is a very deep / serious boy and my youngest is a funny / smiley boy. Too opposites:>) Thank you. I need help! Our two boy’s ages 8 and 9 (they are 11 months apart) have recently started bickering (constantly – am to pm). The oldest feels I don’t trust him and take sides with the younger one. My husband feels I’m consistent. My parenting style is “authoritative” per your “family first” book. It seems to me that they do not know how they sound or know HOW much they bicker in a day. How do I gain my oldest son’s trust back and explain to him the role we each have to keep a happy home. My husband and I don’t bicker, their just being two boy’s that are annoyed with being with each other too much. The oldest is a very deep / serious boy and my youngest is a funny / smiley boy. Too opposites:>)
Thank you.

]]> By: Gina Haga Nielsen http://blog.drphil.com/2009/10/23/full-disclosure/comment-page-3/#comment-10405 Gina Haga Nielsen Sun, 07 Feb 2010 22:12:05 +0000 http://blog.drphil.com/?p=1686#comment-10405 Think you can learn a lot from children. It was my oldest Son that taught me so much about myself and myself as a Mother. It's very important to me at the end of the day that my Sons have a Respectful Mom they can be proud of. Feel our children's opinions are just as important as any adult and we should learn from their perspective as well... So often, you hear people putting children in a category as if they're not capable of forming thoughts and feelings that would be wise to learn from, but, I disagree and have always listened to my Sons as they're people also.. that they'll grow up into adults and they'll remember the feelings of rejection and dismissal. Those same children will most likely be their parents caretakers one day and will be the one making those most important decisions. Feel in order for them to feel adequate we have to start with their foundation as youngsters. Think you can learn a lot from children. It was my oldest Son that taught me so much about myself and myself as a Mother. It’s very important to me at the end of the day that my Sons have a Respectful Mom they can be proud of.

Feel our children’s opinions are just as important as any adult and we should learn from their perspective as well…

So often, you hear people putting children in a category as if they’re not capable of forming thoughts and feelings that would be wise to learn from, but, I disagree and have always listened to my Sons as they’re people also.. that they’ll grow up into adults and they’ll remember the feelings of rejection and dismissal.

Those same children will most likely be their parents caretakers one day and will be the one making those most important decisions. Feel in order for them to feel adequate we have to start with their foundation as youngsters.

]]> By: jennifer b http://blog.drphil.com/2009/10/23/full-disclosure/comment-page-3/#comment-7491 jennifer b Wed, 09 Dec 2009 02:41:30 +0000 http://blog.drphil.com/?p=1686#comment-7491 Another thing. I just saw where phelope i think is the name wrote about soul mate. I found out recently looking on the net. That soul mates are actually bad. That its twin souls or twin flames were after. I know i found mind. I read all about it. And it makes so much since. I have been wanting to write about this for so many can see. Also this will be helpful for this family as well as others reading this. Just think about your own life who youve been with how its been and read what it has to say. I know its true and makes a lot of sense for me. I hope this can help others to! :) And i know phil and robin are twin souls to!! :) Once if they get a chance to read this they might see what im saying. Im hoping so! :) Its a beautiful thing. And to the ones not with theres yet! Yall will be together whichever lifetime it is! And when you do it will be the most wonderful thing ever! I always knew about the one i love. Weve looked back into time so much leading up to knowing what each other was going through and feeling and so on! So much to it! Were like one!! Hes my other half!! :) Litterally. And its hard now getting a chance to be together. But its ok its obsticals we will get through together. One section of it says they learn together not teach we learn all the time together. Were always growing stronger together! :) We will be with each other one day and i cant wait!:) Well heres two links to that site. Hope it helps yall! :) Good luck! http://www.tonyasomers.com/soulmate.htm http://www.soulevolution.org/twinflames/twinflames.htm Another thing.
I just saw where phelope i think is the name wrote about soul mate.
I found out recently looking on the net. That soul mates are actually bad. That its twin souls or twin flames were after.

I know i found mind. I read all about it. And it makes so much since. I have been wanting to write about this for so many can see.

Also this will be helpful for this family as well as others reading this. Just think about your own life who youve been with how its been and read what it has to say. I know its true and makes a lot of sense for me. I hope this can help others to! :)
And i know phil and robin are twin souls to!! :)

Once if they get a chance to read this they might see what im saying. Im hoping so! :) Its a beautiful thing.

And to the ones not with theres yet! Yall will be together whichever lifetime it is! And when you do it will be the most wonderful thing ever! I always knew about the one i love. Weve looked back into time so much leading up to knowing what each other was going through and feeling and so on! So much to it! Were like one!! Hes my other half!! :) Litterally.

And its hard now getting a chance to be together. But its ok its obsticals we will get through together. One section of it says they learn together not teach we learn all the time together. Were always growing stronger together! :)

We will be with each other one day and i cant wait!:)

Well heres two links to that site. Hope it helps yall! :) Good luck!

http://www.tonyasomers.com/soulmate.htm

http://www.soulevolution.org/twinflames/twinflames.htm

]]> By: jennifer b http://blog.drphil.com/2009/10/23/full-disclosure/comment-page-3/#comment-7490 jennifer b Wed, 09 Dec 2009 02:26:50 +0000 http://blog.drphil.com/?p=1686#comment-7490 Theres so much to say about this one. Well as far as me im 27 years old. And both of my parents have came to me for advice or opinion so forth. Well i think that parents should hear what kids have to say just listen but parents should still do what they think is right. Now as far as if the kids are right then if your heart and soul tells you there right then maybe listen. Even if they have some or all of the info. Another thing that needs to be looked at. That i know soooo many would even disagree with me on and so many would agree. Is that were all psycic. Some are more sensitive than others! So sometimes the kids opinion matters. Cause what if there a sensitive and god is trying to give them a messege. And the only way is through that person there child no matter what the age is. I saw that show. And i felt a connection with the daughters. And im thinking some of them including the mother might be sensitive weather they acknowladge it or not. I could be totally wrong! But i feel they had some helpful advice that the other side was giving. I love when shows like these happens so it can change so old theries on thinking. Cause i love thinking things. Figureing things out. Out with the old in with the new! :) But i still love the old stuff cause also some old is better than new info. I could break so much down all day i love it! I hope im making some sense here. Sometimes when im right. Most think ok she nuts then they think and see what it is im saying and they watch it unfolding infront of there eyes. Then there like how did she know! :) Anyways not saying im right never will i ever say im 100% right thats seriously not smart to say! But i think in there shoes they might wanna listen to there daughters some. I think there on something! :) I know we were taught kids mind there buisness its adult buissness. But i think also if you shut your kids opinions out. It can make them feel small and not so good. But if you atleast listen not saying do as they say. But sometimes when there right there just right the kids. And atleast say something like im proud of you your very smart i didnt see it coming. Your advice was right and so forth. I think parents dont give there kids enough commpassion and listining. There so this is how it is you listen to me this is how it goes. Not always yes parents knows whats best for there kids but not always lol. They guide not mold. Im rambling on agian im sorry. I would like to see parents listen to there kids and commpassion. I am a mother. so its not like i dont have an opinion. My son is autisitc. So idk what its like to be in there shoes. But i do know what i went through with both of my parents going throgh things like that i know how it sordove feels to be in there shoes. Not that im in theres. I have my own they have theres. But i can sordove relate i guess is the word im looking for. Hope this gives another point of view to look at. Idk if anyone said anything like this. I will be praying for that family i try to for every family or anyone on your show. I also do for yall.. Good luck! : ) Theres so much to say about this one.
Well as far as me im 27 years old. And both of my parents have came to me for advice or opinion so forth. Well i think that parents should hear what kids have to say just listen but parents should still do what they think is right. Now as far as if the kids are right then if your heart and soul tells you there right then maybe listen. Even if they have some or all of the info. Another thing that needs to be looked at. That i know soooo many would even disagree with me on and so many would agree. Is that were all psycic. Some are more sensitive than others! So sometimes the kids opinion matters. Cause what if there a sensitive and god is trying to give them a messege. And the only way is through that person there child no matter what the age is.

I saw that show. And i felt a connection with the daughters. And im thinking some of them including the mother might be sensitive weather they acknowladge it or not. I could be totally wrong! But i feel they had some helpful advice that the other side was giving. I love when shows like these happens so it can change so old theries on thinking. Cause i love thinking things. Figureing things out. Out with the old in with the new! :) But i still love the old stuff cause also some old is better than new info. I could break so much down all day i love it!
I hope im making some sense here.

Sometimes when im right. Most think ok she nuts then they think and see what it is im saying and they watch it unfolding infront of there eyes. Then there like how did she know! :) Anyways not saying im right never will i ever say im 100% right thats seriously not smart to say!

But i think in there shoes they might wanna listen to there daughters some. I think there on something! :)

I know we were taught kids mind there buisness its adult buissness. But i think also if you shut your kids opinions out. It can make them feel small and not so good. But if you atleast listen not saying do as they say. But sometimes when there right there just right the kids. And atleast say something like im proud of you your very smart i didnt see it coming. Your advice was right and so forth. I think parents dont give there kids enough commpassion and listining.

There so this is how it is you listen to me this is how it goes. Not always yes parents knows whats best for there kids but not always lol. They guide not mold. Im rambling on agian im sorry. I would like to see parents listen to there kids and commpassion. I am a mother. so its not like i dont have an opinion. My son is autisitc. So idk what its like to be in there shoes. But i do know what i went through with both of my parents going throgh things like that i know how it sordove feels to be in there shoes. Not that im in theres. I have my own they have theres. But i can sordove relate i guess is the word im looking for. Hope this gives another point of view to look at. Idk if anyone said anything like this. I will be praying for that family i try to for every family or anyone on your show. I also do for yall.. Good luck! : )

]]> By: 1963Isa http://blog.drphil.com/2009/10/23/full-disclosure/comment-page-2/#comment-6362 1963Isa Sun, 08 Nov 2009 10:58:47 +0000 http://blog.drphil.com/?p=1686#comment-6362 My feelings and intellect tells me that the mother of the two girls you have on from your first dr. phil family is in reality bullying her children and always has it is a source of manipulation she, who by alrights pick a crappy man above her children for years is now betraying her daughter like she emotionally always has and putting her own crud on them I really hope doctor phil seriously looks at her history cuz it hasn't changed and it isolation and abuse she'e trying to practice on her daughter. My feelings and intellect tells me that the mother of the two girls you have on from your first dr. phil family is in reality bullying her children and always has it is a source of manipulation she, who by alrights pick a crappy man above her children for years is now betraying her daughter like she emotionally always has and putting her own crud on them I really hope doctor phil seriously looks at her history cuz it hasn’t changed and it isolation and abuse she’e trying to practice on her daughter.

]]> By: Linda Darroch http://blog.drphil.com/2009/10/23/full-disclosure/comment-page-2/#comment-6330 Linda Darroch Sat, 07 Nov 2009 05:34:25 +0000 http://blog.drphil.com/?p=1686#comment-6330 I could not believe this womans' nonsense!! Is she having a mid-life crisis or what? Her husband Bill is a very good looking man, and he should seriously give up on Carole and find somebody else. I do believe she is sleeping with the so-called boyfriend, and is trying to fool us all by telling us she can lay in bed with him and nothing happens. Who is she trying to kid?? I really think she has no intention of staying with Bill, so why even bother giving her relationship counselling? It will just be a waste of time for her. You can tell that everytime the boyfriend was mentioned, a big smile came across her face, yet when Bill was mentioned, there was no happy expression on her face at all. Just do not understand what she is going through, maybe a second childhood? Who knows??? BUT DR.PHIL, Please tell us that you will be doing a follow - up with this family, will be interesting to find out if she stays for the sake of her husband and family, or if she chooses the boyfriend instead. I will bet that she chooses the boyfriend over Bill, but just want my suspicions confirmed. Please, please, do a follow up for all of us curious, loyal fans of yours!!! Thanks I could not believe this womans’ nonsense!! Is she having a mid-life crisis or what? Her husband Bill is a very good looking man, and he should seriously give up on Carole and find somebody else. I do believe she is sleeping with the so-called boyfriend, and is trying to fool us all by telling us she can lay in bed with him and nothing happens. Who is she trying to kid?? I really think she has no intention of staying with Bill, so why even bother giving her relationship counselling? It will just be a waste of time for her. You can tell that everytime the boyfriend was mentioned, a big smile came across her face, yet when Bill was mentioned, there was no happy expression on her face at all. Just do not understand what she is going through, maybe a second childhood? Who knows???
BUT DR.PHIL, Please tell us that you will be doing a follow – up with this family, will be interesting to find out if she stays for the sake of her husband and family, or if she chooses the boyfriend instead. I will bet that she chooses the boyfriend over Bill, but just want my suspicions confirmed. Please, please, do a follow up for all of us curious, loyal fans of yours!!! Thanks

]]> By: Linda Darroch http://blog.drphil.com/2009/10/23/full-disclosure/comment-page-2/#comment-6329 Linda Darroch Sat, 07 Nov 2009 05:33:23 +0000 http://blog.drphil.com/?p=1686#comment-6329 I could not believe this womans' nonsense!! Is she having a mid-life crisis or what? Her husband Bill is a very good looking man, and he should seriously give up on Carole and find somebody else. I do believe she is sleeping with the so-called boyfriend, and is trying to fool us all by telling us she can lay in bed with him and nothing happens. Who is she trying to kid?? I really think she has no intention of staying with Bill, so why even bother giving her relationship counselling? It will just be a waste of time for her. You can tell that everytime the boyfriend was mentioned, a big smile came across her face, yet when Bill was mentioned, there was no happy expression on her face at all. Just do not understand what she is going through, maybe a second childhood? Who knows??? BUT DR.PHIL, Please tell us that you will be doing a follow - up with this family, will be interesting to find out if she stays for the sake of her husband and family, or if she chooses the boyfriend instead. I will bet that she chooses the boyfriend over Bill, but just want my suspicions confirmed. Pleaase, please, do a follow up for all of us curious, loyal fans of yours!!! Thanks I could not believe this womans’ nonsense!! Is she having a mid-life crisis or what? Her husband Bill is a very good looking man, and he should seriously give up on Carole and find somebody else. I do believe she is sleeping with the so-called boyfriend, and is trying to fool us all by telling us she can lay in bed with him and nothing happens. Who is she trying to kid?? I really think she has no intention of staying with Bill, so why even bother giving her relationship counselling? It will just be a waste of time for her. You can tell that everytime the boyfriend was mentioned, a big smile came across her face, yet when Bill was mentioned, there was no happy expression on her face at all. Just do not understand what she is going through, maybe a second childhood? Who knows???
BUT DR.PHIL, Please tell us that you will be doing a follow – up with this family, will be interesting to find out if she stays for the sake of her husband and family, or if she chooses the boyfriend instead. I will bet that she chooses the boyfriend over Bill, but just want my suspicions confirmed. Pleaase, please, do a follow up for all of us curious, loyal fans of yours!!! Thanks

]]> By: Linda Rose http://blog.drphil.com/2009/10/23/full-disclosure/comment-page-2/#comment-6273 Linda Rose Thu, 05 Nov 2009 00:12:05 +0000 http://blog.drphil.com/?p=1686#comment-6273 I couldn't help wondering watching Carole and Bill when their communication broke down? Marriage works best when the needs of both parties are met.When one partner feels neglected they certainly should tell their spouse. Did Carole ever tell Bill what was missing in her life? Bill seemed distant and emotionaless. Is this how he has been in their marriage? Or is it because of her infidelity? Regardless there is no excuse for infidelity. If there is physical or emotional abuse it certainly may be right to end the marriage. Anything else can be worked out. Cheating though is different and there is no justifying it for any reason. If Carole was abused by Bill she should end the marriage before getting involved with someone else.If she wasn't abused she needs to own up to her wrong . They both then need to decide whether they want to stay married? If they do decide to stay together they need counseling and he needs to forgive her as do her daughters. The daughters need to stay out of their parent's problems after stating their opinions.After that grown children shouldn't interfere in parents lives no more than parents should interfere in theirs. Shame on parents who violate their marriage vows! Look at all the hurt it causes to their families. Grown children can be hurt by their parents actions just as younger children can. Parents who blantantly ignore their marriage vows and give in to temptation are being selfish and are doing untold harm to their children. Shame on Carole for putting her children in this position. I couldn’t help wondering watching Carole and Bill when their communication broke down? Marriage works best when the needs of both parties are met.When one partner feels neglected they certainly should tell their spouse. Did Carole ever tell Bill what was missing in her life? Bill seemed distant and emotionaless. Is this how he has been in their marriage? Or is it because of her infidelity?

Regardless there is no excuse for infidelity. If there is physical or emotional abuse it certainly may be right to end the marriage. Anything else can be worked out.

Cheating though is different and there is no justifying it for any reason. If Carole was abused by Bill she should end the marriage before getting involved with someone else.If she wasn’t abused she needs to own up to her wrong . They both then need to decide whether they want to stay married? If they do decide to stay together they need counseling and he needs to forgive her as do her daughters.

The daughters need to stay out of their parent’s problems after stating their opinions.After that grown children shouldn’t interfere in parents lives no more than parents should interfere in theirs. Shame on parents who violate their marriage vows! Look at all the hurt it causes to their families.

Grown children can be hurt by their parents actions just as younger children can. Parents who blantantly ignore their marriage vows and give in to temptation are being selfish and are doing untold harm to their children. Shame on Carole for putting her children in this position.

]]> By: Marian http://blog.drphil.com/2009/10/23/full-disclosure/comment-page-2/#comment-6263 Marian Tue, 03 Nov 2009 22:52:28 +0000 http://blog.drphil.com/?p=1686#comment-6263 Although it has been way too many years and events away from fixing our family, I only wish one of us would have confronted my mom and dad before they fractured my family. I am 57 years old and it has only been in the last three years that my siblings and I have found the togetherness we had as children. We were a close family living in a house we loved, in the town we loved and with the people we loved. Infidelity on both sides led my parents to divorce. It divided us in camps of some of us standing up for mom and the rest taking dad's side. It led to neglect, aloholism, drug addiction, battering relationships, and mental breakdowns throughout out family unit. The sad part is that although mom and dad went through the rest of their lives with separate partners they never got over the love they had for each other. As times passed their friendship and love rekindled, but it was too late for their family and their marriage. They loved each other until dad died 14 years ago. If only one of us stood up to them and made them accountable to the family unit before they slashed it to pieces. Although it has been way too many years and events away from fixing our family, I only wish one of us would have confronted my mom and dad before they fractured my family. I am 57 years old and it has only been in the last three years that my siblings and I have found the togetherness we had as children. We were a close family living in a house we loved, in the town we loved and with the people we loved. Infidelity on both sides led my parents to divorce. It divided us in camps of some of us standing up for mom and the rest taking dad’s side. It led to neglect, aloholism, drug addiction, battering relationships, and mental breakdowns throughout out family unit. The sad part is that although mom and dad went through the rest of their lives with separate partners they never got over the love they had for each other. As times passed their friendship and love rekindled, but it was too late for their family and their marriage. They loved each other until dad died 14 years ago. If only one of us stood up to them and made them accountable to the family unit before they slashed it to pieces.

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