Comments on: Women: Does Equality Equal Happiness?

By: Sharon Miller

Sharon Miller — Tue, 02 Oct 2012 14:39:08 +0000

Hi. I’ve been pondering the definition of happiness for some time. It’s not a ‘one size fits all’ kind of thing. Obviously different things make different people happy. For me, the definition of happiness is as simple as finding joy in everything I do, no matter what it is. It’s looking forward expectantly to good things and noticing the beauty in my surroundings. Since my favorite place to be is in the barn or in the yard, spending more time or having more responsibility at work wouldn’t ‘make’ me happy, although I could very well find alot of joy in it. I love my job and the people I work with. On the other hand; having enough money to stay home and play would definitely put a smile on my face; but it would’t ‘make’ me happy. I know this because I all ready am.

By: Tammy Burns

Tammy Burns — Sun, 03 Jul 2011 03:03:40 +0000

I AM BEGGING BY THE GRACE OF GOD FOR YOUR HELP!! Want to talk about equality? If this was a man’s penis that was cut off, you can bet it would be all over the news!
In June 2010 I went in for surgery for vin 111(Vulvar intraepithelial neoplasia (VIN) ) Vin is Not cancer! This is a pre cancer, I had a lesion on the top of my clitoris. I had 2 small holes in my left labia from a previous surgery.( Same thing 8 years ago) I told the doctor I was seeing that I wanted laser surgery( I did not know it was available in the first surgery) I asked him if he could repair the 2 holes in the labia, and he told me he could. It is in his records before my surgery that he will laser the surface of the clitoris, repair holes in labia. When I awoke in the hospital I was certain he had cut off my labia and clitoris! I told my husband, girlfriend and sister…I think he cut off my labia and my clitoris,they told me to let things heal, When I got home from the hospital I knew it was so! I went to see an obgyn who has patients with the same thing and she wrote a report stating that in her opinion at least 80% of the clitoris is gone and 50% percent of the labia, feels like more than that!! The only thing left of the labia is a piece he left hanging at the top?The doctor never mentioned what he did. I have filed a complaint against this doctor, we will have a hearing August 2011. He is in his 70’s now so if he loses his license…so what! If he doesn’t I will probably really lose it!
I am completely devastated!! My husband and I enjoyed a beautiful intimate sexual life together, and now it is gone! I seen a woman counselor a few times and asked her to write a letter that I was seeing her per my possible retainment of an attorney. She called me a week later and asked me what it was he had cut off, the clitoris or cervex! Needless to say I never went back! I bet she might remember if it had been a man’s penis that was cut off! I am in a black hole! I was studying to be a nurse before this happened, I am having a problem finding an attorney to take my case, because they all say I have a case but they don’t have the time or money to take it. The one still working with me recently sent me a expert witness but they want me to pay the fees up to 2,000.00, then if the expert will testify they will take my case! I The expert they gave me to make out a 900.00 check that I can’t afford, turns out to be an expert in incontinence issues, pelvic floor etc. I called her nurse, they do not know anything about this! I contacted an attorney in New York who tried a similar case to mine and won a 60 million dollar suit and he referred me to an attorney here they said he will contact me, I got a letter from the N.Y. firm saying the attorney in AZ did not think he wanted to take my case and they were closing it! He had not even read my medical records yet when I called him he said” well send them and I will review them and let you know”? Never heard from him! He did not like my attitude I guess! I know I have a case, if there even was an argument that he removed my clitoris to save my life( Which would be BULL) there was no pre cancer on the labia AT ALL, says in the pathology report as well! If I did not care what the labia looked like I would not have asked him to repair. The other issue is that the Doctor who did this said that if the biopsy came back cancer her would not be able to do the surgery and would have to refer me to an OBGYN/ Oncologist, but it was not cancer, even if it were, don’t I have the choice to say I do not want anything cut off? I feel completely lost and alone. I need justice for this or I do not know how I can ever live in peace again. My husband and I attempted intimacy a few times but there is nothing left to feel, I can’t talk about this without crying, I have always been a strong woman, I lost my mother to breast cancer when I was 17, my father left when I was 11 after my mother found out he had been molesting my half sister for years(He got her pregnant and had to put the baby up for adoption) We met her over 20 years ago and in the past few years have been getting really close…WHOLE OTHER SHOW LOL. I have just a year left now by Arizona law to get an attorney who will take my case. I am begging for your help! I am begging for you to expose this kind of pre cancer that can eventually lead to cancer over years untreated, no one talks about this or even knows of such a thing unless they have had it themselves. There of course is more to my story, however I do not have enough room here to put in all the details. PLEASE HELP ME!! I HAVE NO WHERE ELSE TO TURN.
Sincerely,
Tammy Burns

By: david

david — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 20:17:31 +0000

I agree with deborah botnen about us being so divided. Just the fact that were trying to analyze this means there are too many psychological walls that have been set in place by our society since birth, and it will be a long time in coming until we stop seeing eachother in the ways that were different from ourselves.

By: JJ-Sydney, Australia

JJ-Sydney, Australia — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 23:46:27 +0000

Dr Phil,

Women have not achieved equality. We are a long way off from achieving that, if we ever will.

Me, I regret being a woman in a patriarchal society. I don’t want to be a man but I don’t want to be a woman in a patriarchal society and have to continually face the challenges, difficulties, disadvantage and double-standards of being a woman in a patriarchal society. Unforunately, those are the only two choices – be a man or be a woman in a patriarchal society. There is no escape/respite.

I resent everything that is expected of me as a woman in a patriarchal society. I resent the way patriarchy has shaped my life and limited my life opportunities.

I wake up in the morning and hate being a woman. It negatively colours my day. How can anyone be happy when they hate who/what they are and the society that they live and when there is no escape/respite/relief from that?

By: stacey

stacey — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 07:05:32 +0000

How can anyone say that woman are equals in all work forces? All woman say that they want to be treated equally and to be paid to do the same job. Ok, Im all for that, but you have to do the same job. I worked at a previous job where some heavy lifting was required. Everytime that a woman was to lift it, she just pouted to one of the guys and would say it was too heavy for her and that he had to get it. How is that doing the same job? If the guy refused he was reprimanded by the boss for not being part of the team. So, if you can’t and won’t do the same work as a man, why should you get paid the same salary? You shouldn’t. Now dont get me wrong, I am not saying that women shouldnt be in the work force but if you want the same pay, be able to do the same job!

By: M Simpson

M Simpson — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 00:53:18 +0000

This is my comment about Alezandra the young girl at 15 who had a baby, and you keep on doing shows with and about thher family. There is no diught that she needs to straighten her life out to get her kids back, and have a peaceful relationship with the father of the kids. My quams are with the mother. I know she may love her mother. But, if I was her I would finish what I needed to do with the courts, and get 50 50 custody and when she has her custody move out of the state away from her mother. That is why I moved out of the state I lived in. I could not bear to have my mother critizize me when she did was deplorable. At times I never felt that she cared and she show it to at times. But this mother I feel has gone too far with sticking her nose in and turning on her daughter like that. Blood is thicker than water and no matter what the mom says she does not even have a clue.

By: Becky

Becky — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 17:09:20 +0000

Anonymous,
So you are saying that blonde white women are more likely to have happier marriages…because they are blonde? How simple. They sell blonde hair dye everywhere. What about blondes in the corporate world? Are they less likely to achieve because men don’t take them seriously?
Your argument has many holes in it. Women are taking this “equality” issue to the enth degree. Our nation is paying for it. Women should be encouraged to do whichever career they dream to be involved in.
I truly hope that you never reach my daughter to advise her. You’re just passing out the Kool-Aid with the rest of them and encouraging sexism. No glass ceiling…isn’t that the motto? If the women’s movement is about freedom to choose, they should be free to choose high level corporate positions, if they wish.

By: prefer anonymous

prefer anonymous — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 05:48:08 +0000

The statistic of women earning 70 cents for every dollar earned by men is based on the premise that women and men hold the same jobs. That may be true at the etnry level, but for many highly educated women with advanced degrees, after about the 8th or 9th experience year the situation becomes dramatically different. Since about the year 2002 there has been a concerted effort to drive women out of high positions in industry in science and high technology. Women with advanced degrees can only get temporary jobs or substitute teaching or go into something else. The difference is men on their second promotion vs. women earning less than $40K or even being in poverty, and I am talking about advanced degree in everything from chemistry to architecture to engineering to economics. Our country is wasting the female talent it has educated. As for happiness in the marital sphere, I think this is dramatically different according to race and skin color. A highly educated women with white skin and blonde hair will have an excellent chance at a happy marriage, but African American women and dark skinned ethnic women have the cards stacked against them. Most successful, handsome men feel that having a blonde is the status symbol of the success in a career. I think the corporate world has become very stacked against women unless the women is in a support role such as HR rather than R&D, and when I talk to young women, I advise them that they have a better chance for happiness going to medical school rather than pursuing a corporate career.

By: Becky

Becky — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 01:39:20 +0000

It is so ironic that just today, as I was winding down my busy “1950’s” style homemaker, day and I thought to myself with a sigh “So this is what fulfillment is”. The laundry was done. Grocery shopping was complete. A fresh and healthy meal was being prepared by yours truly, and I had healthy snacks ready for my 1st and 2nd grade girl and boy, as any minute they would be getting off of the bus.

My kids get off of the bus at their home, at the end of the school day. There is no babysitter, no after school programs. They come home to me, begging to hear about their day and making sure they eat a nutritious snack and get their homework done. They come home to me, anxious for their hugs and stories of triumph and troubles. They come home to their mother, knowing that they are her full time job.

My husband walks through the door usually to a clean house, but not always. One thing that he can count on for sure is that his wife is happy to see him, his kids can not wait to throw the ball around or have a dance with their dad, and dinner is made. Work is behind him, at least for a little while, and he can escape to a place where he is loved and where he can love back.

All this after my workout in the morning, powerlifting and CrossFit style training, reading, bible study or maybe just a Dr. Phil book (couldn’t miss that one). After 2 years of separation from my husband, nearly divorced-very nearly divorced, a whole lot of havoc, chaos, empty pseudo-happiness, and nearly every kind of “stuffer” attempted, I finally “Get it”.

When your priorities are straight, it ain’t so complicated. Our nation is falling to pieces because mom checked out a long time ago, in search of the corner office, leaving the kids…now, where did she leave those kids? Husband? Who needs him anyway, “I’m the primary bread-winner”. The most important person in the home is no longer “in the home” and even if she is, she is feeling this culture induced need to be the CEO of some bs company that really could care less about her or her friggin’ family.

Work, if that’s what you choose. I personally have a lot of respect for moms who can swing it and do both exceedingly well. I couldn’t do both well, I wasn’t doing either well and now, I can say for certain that at least I am doing one job exceedingly well. I love my friends who work outside of the home in a “career” as much as I love my friends who are at home or working part time. I do hear their complaints and see their struggles more often than my “home girls”.

Happiness is in relationships. Happy marriage, happy relationship with kids, happy friendships, happy life. Okay, biggest relationship to be happy in is the relationship you have with God. Key. Then, all else is decided.

By: Joni

Joni — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 03:26:49 +0000

I have got to express my concern for the families and friends of the victims of the shooting at Ft. Hood. And the speculation that the JAG officer was making due to the shooters last name was very upsetting. Yes the man had to be ill, but just because he seems to have an islamic last name does not necessarily mean it was a terror attack. He was evidently upset, and distraught over the prospect of being deployed. But, in the same sense it does not make it excusable to what he has done. The families and the victims are in my prayers. Also one more thing that pissed me off was that when the JAG guy said that the shooter being a officer and his profession should have made it to where he would not have a mental or stressful reaction to the upcoming deployment. We will not know why he has done what he done until and unless he is willing to talk and when the information is gathered from his computer, family, friends and possibly things he had written down and has in his home.
My heart goes out to the brave men and women who both were victims and who survived. I as well as my husband are ex military and know the stress that goes along with the deployment of a family member and how the family member feels as well.
God Bless our Troops!