Spanking = one swat to the rear.

I am well trained in applied behavior analysis and had tried multiple things before I did spank him. I used social stories(C), R+, role play, time out, and visual cues….just to name a few. I would not suggest spanking as a first method…or even a second or third. I would not suggest it to people who are hot headed; however, I do view it as an effective tool if done correctly. You mention it can be effective in the short term, which I agree with. In my son’s case…he was two/three. There is no reasoning with a two year old and I refuse to wrap him in bubble wrap and put all sorts of environmental modifications in place. Those teach nothing. My cousin’s kids are unable to leave wall outlets alone,for example, at homes where there are no covers in place. Environmental modifications can offer a false sense of security. While young children are learning from other methods (which are generally slower to work), spankings can help to intervene in the hear and now. They are a bandaide until those other things start to work.

It is time to move on and try to advance in intelligence. When people are being emotionally and physically abused, it really messes with your head; especially if it is someone that you are suppose to trust for your safety and well being. I was spanked once when I was a child, and I didn’t talk for a week straight. I was 3, and I still remember it. When I moved in with different family members, I was always physically abused if I didn’t do what they wanted, and I just recently started to figure out how to socially connect with people. I was scared to talk to anyone and express my personal opinions because I thought it was wrong to have a mind of my own. I actually was walking on eggshells with anyone I encountered in any kind of social situation because I automatically thought they were right in everything they said, and if I had a different opinion, I was wrong. It really is a horrible feeling, but I am so fortunate that I was able to overcome it myself. I still have “relapses” when my confidence is low or I’m depressed, but I’m still working on it.

I have a 20 month old, and have never hit her, nor will I. Spanking is still hitting, just because it is on the butt doesn’t make it any different. If you think it does, then you are someone I feel very bad for. I try to figure out what it is my baby girl needs/wants, and if she gets upset because I’m trying to get her to do something she doesn’t want to, I calm her down and make her do it anyway (like going to bed). Yeah, she has tantrums and cries, but I help her feel her emotions instead of ignoring them and hit her. She rarely gets angry about anything, because she understands. They don’t know how to control their feelings, they’re brand new to this whole “life” thing. I am raising a well balanced, confident, and very happy little girl.

I do give you credit for allowing parents to decide for themselves. Here’s what I have learned…..

I was spanked as a child. I was not spanked often. At times I thought my dad might have spanked me a little to hard but I was always aware that it was not out of anger, rather he did not compensate well for his strength. The times I got spanked, once was because he told me several times to turn the t.v. I responded with a resounding no. Second time he told me I told him I was watching whatever and that I wanted to wait til it went off. He did not humor me. Again, he told me to turn the station. Finally, in a fit I told him “if he wanted it turned to turn it himself!”. That was the straw that broke the Adam’s butt. lol A few more times but those are less memorable. Lying. Putting myself in danger. Disrespecting someone or someone else’s property. That sort of thing.

I had no lasting effects of the corporal punishment I received. I’m a well adjusted, 37 year old who is happy, healthy, gentle person. I respect those around me and I have learned very well that my actions has consequences.

Early on I attribute it to “negative association”. I don’t know if that is a psych term or not. I’m not a psychologist. But in explanation I came to associate not following the rules of the house with a stinging sensation on by posterior. I came to associate stubbornness (in a bad way) with a stinging sensation on my posterior. I came to associate lying with a stinging posterior. That stinging posterior was not a pleasant memory. And it ingrained in me a caution to tread on the rules that my parents set in place in order to prepare me for the rules as an adult. I came to learn that indeed I was NOT the final authority on all matters and that it was necessary to be submissive to the proper authorities.

As I said, I didn’t always get a spanking. There were other types of punishment, but the spankings left a little more indelible mark if you would than the less severe forms.

Now, that was me. I think spanking should be decided on by both parents in a case by case basis. All children are different. Some are pleasers. Pleasers do not need a lot of spankings. The long to please you. There are the hard heads. They want to please but they are still going to do their own thing and sometimes cross you. These you may have to take a switch to a bit more to get certain points across. Lastly you have the strong willed child. The one that gets a kick out of defying you. The ones that test you at every turn. Even putting themselves in harms way at times from refusal to adhere to the rules and not paying attention to their surroundings. It is completely situational.

And spanking should always be administered in a very specific pattern. And as you spoke of, be only one of several options and the one to resort to at the very end.

1. Tell the child not to do it.
2. Explain to the child WHY they are not to do it and guide them on how not to do it again. Sit down and discuss the consequences of it happening again.
3. Use a less invasive punishment first to see if it get’s the desire conditioning. Maybe even engage them and get them to come up with their own! Get them involved in the process.
4. If they do it again, explain that you have exhausted all the options and feel that a spanking is in order. Set out exactly how many licks they will get before it happens. This way they know what to expect.

Do not spank if you are angry. Only spank when you are cool and collected. Take time to cool down if you need to. The key is to be in complete control when engaging.

Explain that you are not trying to get across to them that you do not love them, that you love them any less or that you are no longer proud of them. Let them know that it IS going to hurt them more physically, but that it hurts you to have to do it. Ask them if they understand why they are getting a spanking.

If you find they truly do not understand than you should not spank. Try to find a different route to get the lesson across.

If you are the administrator giving the spanking, make sure you measure your force against the child’s size, age and sensitivity and lastly the severity of the infraction. It should be last resort because spanking them for every little thing will lead to a tolerance level and finally resentment if you simply do it to show them you are aggravated with them.

Don’t just use negative feedback though…Give them lots of praise when they do right. I don’t agree with the whole “I shouldn’t have to praise you for what you were supposed to do in the first place.”. That’s just poppy cock. Always give your child encouragement. Speak softly if you can. Develop a relationship with them so close that they will want to be a pleaser. I know a fella who’s step kids love him so much, that all he has to do is look at them like he is disappointed in them and it will completely break their heart.

Being a friend to your child is wonderful. But you cannot be a friend to your child if first you are not their authority and mentor. Authority and mentor first, then friend. Let them understand you must be loyal to your commitment to raise them up as loving, respectful, responsible members of society and sometimes that may consist of setting forth punishment when situations dictate.

Above all…..love them.

Chances are that a 7 ear old child doesn’t fully understand what lying means. Children aren’t aware of the different subtleties of language until they are at least 8 or 9 years old.

I’m appalled at the situations these poor children are put into.