I wonder what it would look like if we chose to be/become “THE ONE” to our significant others instead of analyzing if they are “THE ONE”. Is it my birthright to receive “Prince Charming” or my responsibility to become the best person I can be.

For ten years I had it all. Handsome hubby, nice house and property, good job, no money worries, disposable cash to spend on toys, an active social life as a couple… but… at 10 years into the relationship I discovered that he had not only never stopped looking, he continually carried on one particular relationship for over 7 years of the time we were together.

I was not only completely satisfied with our relationship – I had NO clue that he apparently wasn’t. Even now I can’t figure how or where he had the time to devote to his other ventures as he was almost never away from home over night.
There were none of the typical tell tale signs like the purchase of new underwear, change in grooming habits, shifty eyes when lying to your face, etc… NOTHING!

Well, he’s gone and married the young lady he sporadically spent those 7 years with and I wish them all the luck in the world – they’re going to need it.

As for me – I fell off the planet. Literally. I took an evening shift job to avoid the daytime folks that we both knew, I gave up my assortment of doctors so that I would not run into him in the waiting room, I slept and even walked my dogs in secluded rural areas where I was almost assured not to run into any other human being.

Many times I wondered how things may have been different if I had accepted the offers of the one or two who, for reasons I can’t even remember, didn’t quite measure up for me.

The one outstanding difference between the ones that got away and the one that I picked is that THEY were attentive…. HE was not. That may have been a huge red flag that I just refused to see. But then again I also hate to be smothered and appreciate being given space to be who I am. I have only ever met one that was the type to pitch in an work with me on and through things and he too I rejected. Maybe he was the one – no point obsessing over it though.

So what to do now? I’m not sure I could ever trust another man after having been so cleverly duped. If I were to re-enter the dating game, would I reconsider and adjust my checklist? Oh – absolutely! Would I make another bad decision – more than likely. See, another thing I got out of my 10 year’s with prince charming is that I don’t trust myself to make the right decision. So I sit here, in the shadows, waiting for Mr. Right to come find me. I know that the outcome of this will probably be me in a house with 72 cats – but really – can fate do any worse than I did? I think not.

For me, it is simple. I would go for the guy who “gets you”.

After my first marriage I vowed to myself that the next person I ever married would make me laugh, everyday… for the rest of our lives together. I wanted someone who I could have fun with and just be happy.

Life alone is serious and full of twist and turns, but if you have a partner that you can go through the “Journey of Life” with, and feel comfortable with, than you can look past any physical flaw.

I married my first husband because I thought he fit the mold. He was what I was told growing up is the type of guy I needed to marry. Certainly he had all the right values….but something was just missing….we didn’t match.

My husband today, is my true soul mate. I stayed true to myself, and I found the man of “my dreams”. He makes me laugh all the time. He loves me and our children unconditionally. He is fully committed to our relationship….and I know I can count on him for anything. He has the same values as my first husband, but he holds the missing pieces that allow him and I to be a perfect pair. It was his personality that allowed me to fall in love with him.

I think everyone deserves to be happy. But it’s fair to say, “Let’s be reasonable”. High expectations won’t get anyone anywhere.

It really is that simple.

I think a good topic for a full show on adult sibling rivalries would be welcomed by many! I’m the oldest of 4 daughters born within 7 yrs. & all of us are past 60 yrs. old. The stress is driving me crazy! Thank God we don’t live in the same town, but email gives them the opportunity to jump on ME way too often. Their lives have been filled with lots of DRAMA & divorces/alcohol & substance abuse. Our parents are dead. I don’t want to be on your show, but if one of your producers wants to interview me over the phone, I’d do that. I’m sure you can find a lot of those who’d agree to be participants on your show. I’ve done a lot of research on siblings: birth order, gender, & spacing, and I even wrote a well-researched piece when I was in graduate school in 1984. Dr. Kevin Leman is a PRO in this field, and I’ve learned a lot from his books…however, not much has changed with my 3 sisters and me. I’m a retired college English teacher. They still have issues among themselves but mostly with me….I don’t brag about my life, my husband & our children & grandchildren. I just recently decided to
“detach” from them and told them so…they are NOT happy about this, but after all these years, the truth is the truth & my husband of 48 yrs. supports my decisioin. BWG