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May 13th, 2010 by Dr. Phil

For Better or For (Much, Much) Worse

alientationofaffection1Do you remember something called “alienation of affection?” It was an old law that allowed a spouse to sue someone for interference with his or her marriage. It was once on the books in every state in the country. But in the 1930’s, most states got rid of the law, thinking that standard divorce laws were good enough. Today, you can only find the alienation of affection law in seven states — one of which is North Carolina.

And, are you ready for this? A North Carolina woman named Cynthia Shackelford decided to use the almost forgotten law to sue a younger woman named Anne Lundquist, alleging that Lundquist had an affair with her husband and ruined their marriage. In March of this year, after a two-day trial where Lundquist was noticeably absent, a jury ordered Lundquist to pay the jilted wife $9 million in damages.

A victorious Mrs. Shackelford declared that the entire reason for her lawsuit was to deter so-called home wreckers. “I’m just trying to send a message to other people that are like Anne (Lundquist), that if they’re looking at somebody else’s husband — that’s still living at home, that’s still sleeping in the marital bed and comes to parties and introduces his wife as his better half — to leave him alone and not go after him,” she said in one interview.

Ms. Lundquist, who now lives in New York, is appealing the verdict, saying the court system did not give her enough warning about when the case was going to trial and did not grant her a continuance to prepare. She also claims the Shackelfords’ marriage was irreparable before her own relationship began with Mr. Shackelford, which means that she could not have caused any alienation of affection in the first place.

What do you think? Do you believe a re-enactment of an alienation of affection law could put a stop to a lot of affairs? Would a man who wants to cheat with a married woman — or a woman who wants to cheat with a married man — think twice about getting involved if they know they could get sued and end up having to pay 9 million smackeroos?

We’ve got a show on about this entire subject today, and Mrs. Shackelford herself will be my guest. Needless to say, I can’t wait to read your comments.

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129 Responses to “For Better or For (Much, Much) Worse”

  1. Pat says:

    I hope it is my State! How do you feel about a Married “Pastor” with children and 5 grandchildren using his “professional councelling” as a way to try to sexually assualt ME! Yes, I am 54, but I had just gone thru the separating from my husband in May, ‘09, while that year before spending as much time with my dying Best Friend/Mom, who passed away in July, ‘09. Then, I had to watch my precious Business (an Ice Cream & Yogurt Shop) pass away, also on 12/17/2009.

    He got caught, but lied in his statement. He did plead “guilty”, so he could bond out, and he thinks get it “off his record”, but I am going to get all the strength God will send thru the “Holy Spirit”, and I will face him in Court, so he will be sentenced, and it will be on his record. This was very calculated in “hind-sight”, and i know he has done it before or will do it again. This way they will have a record of it.

    I pray for his wife, and the Church that he has “white-washed” into believing him. But, I fell for it, too. But, NEVER AGAIN!!

  2. Teresa Crockett says:

    I LOVE IT…..LOVE IT…..LOVE IT! The purpose of such a law is not necessarily to try to keep spouses from cheating or someone from pursuing someone thats married, the heart wants what the heart wants; but such a law can allow closure and healing to a devistated spouse. Anger, betrayal, need for some justice drives spouses to act irrationally, hurting or even killing their spouse, paramore, even their children. I’d rather go to court, and make the cheater PAY ME Money than say hide in a bush to blow them away with my 9mm.

  3. margePrevatt says:

    i would like to know what the other states are hope one is oregon so my daughter can sue her husbands girl friend that would help her a lot.

  4. cristi says:

    I don’t like the law. It implies blame to the person the spouse is cheating with, when in fact, the blame should be equally shared WITH that cheating spouse. Any spouse who believes the “I was enticed”, he/she manipulated me, he/she came on to me, he/she threw him/herself at me….blah blah blah….is a fool. Truly, I feel embarrrassed for anyone who uses the term “home wrecker” toward anyone a spouse cheats with. The person using that term is trying to say, “if it hadn’t been for “that” person, my spouse would not have cheated”. BULLS..T!!!!! Having a relationship outside of marriage is a CHOICE! Emotional, sexual, and everything in between and beyond….its ALL a choice. And there is ALWAYS build-up to the affair, always. There is always time to “turn toward your spouse” as you say, and not toward this other person…CHOICE. We either control our desires and impulses, or we do not. We CHOOSE. Cheated on spouses need to realize this. But more importantly, the spouses that have cheated need to acknowledge this….As in “I made a choice, it was wrong, etc”. As you say, “you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge”. Thanks, Cristi

  5. kate says:

    Thank you Cristi! You are absolutely right. As much as society loves to hate the “home wrecker”, we have to remember who is really at fault here.

  6. Heirloom says:

    I believe, Mrs. Shackelford, the only way you should have won that lawsuit is if Ms. Lundquist had a gun pointed at your husband’s head. Your husband could have prevented the entire affair and ensuing legal fiasco by simply uttering three words: “I’m not interested.” Clearly, he didn’t, and you waste valuable court time trying to make a point? I don’t wish to sound uncaring, but when a man is ‘in love’ with his wife, his mind isn’t on another woman. You need to realize your worth and make peace, especially with yourself, by exercising forgiveness, and move on without the husband that you will never be able to fully trust again. And not spend precious energy on legal attacks under the guise of ‘proving a point.’

  7. Patricia E. says:

    My grandmother taught me that there are 3 sides to every story: his side, her side, and the truth. When you look at what the Bible has to say about marriage between one man and one woman, you will get the truth about marriage.
    Men are visual creatures and therefore are easily seduced and enticed.
    Eve did it to Adam and David lusted after Bathsheba.
    Married men are very vulnerable to the seducing tactics of another woman because he sees something in her that he no longer sees in his wife; most of the married women will be attracted to another man because she is not emotionally getting what she needs from her husband, which is conversation and companionship.
    So yes, I do believe that old law of “Alienation of Affection” should be re-instated in every state.

  8. Anonymous says:

    Some laws in general are bogus, including this one. “Alienation of Affection” lets look at that for a second “Alienate” meaning to turn away or to transfer or divert, both actions have to be made by the cheating spouse. Any well trained dog will no when to sit, why wouldn’t a husband/wife. I have been cheated on in the past, do I feed on the who factor, nope. I give myself credit for being the faithful one and believe that if it was ment to be the eyes would have only glanced. In the State of wonderful NC, when looking at all the laws you will see that some laws need to be revised or deleted completely. DWI on a horse was taken out of the law books because a Senator’s neice was caught at a “Mule Day Celebration” on a horse after having drank to much alcohol. Much to surprise the Senator knew somebody, who knew somebody, who took the law out of the law books. I mean, it is a misdemeanor to hit your spouse (DV of any kind) but larceny of pine straw is a felony. I feel the guilty never really pay and if they do it’s because they were not a Senator’s neice. Good luck to anyone who has ever been hurt by someone cheating on you. It is a feeling no one will understand until they experience it. Three of my favorite quotes ever are: “Kill them with kindness”, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer”, and “Be a leader not a follower”. My last quote is especially important if there are ever kids involved, no matter how much you dislike someone remember the love for kids is a great deal larger than the hate. To conclude, my statement may never be read but reading some of the comments/replies I wish I could have done this sooner.

  9. Anonymous says:

    P. S. I forgot to say I enjoy Dr. Phil’s show very much… ; )

  10. Melony says:

    I love the law. I’m still working through crap with my husband when a truck stop cashier continually gave him her number and he finally exchanged as friends. Low and behold we hit a snag in our marriage of 17 years with a 10 year child diagonsed with ADD and taking state exams and a 2 year old with severe ‘kissing’ tonsilitis which caused sleep apnea and went for immediate surgery. Oh did I mention my father had 4 ‘heartattacks’ in as many days and was literally dying before our eyes as his organs began to shut down one by one. But of course I did not give him the ‘affections’ he so desperately ‘needed’ (guess he would have died without it). What teaching from 730 -4 doing homework til 6 and travelling no less than 80 miles everyother day to be with my parents until my dad got an LVAD to sustain his heart until the transplant was possible. Affection, that would have just been fun for both of us now wouldn’t it. Some help and understanding from him would have been more like it.
    The law is awesome but I think we should sue, jail, flog, something the spouse as well. How’d you like them apples!!!!!!!

  11. Jami-Lynn says:

    wow….what happened to the weddin vows? aren’t they suppose to be kept? i hope we have that law here in arkansas. i think if that law was in every state, it WOULD prevent a lot of affairs and divorces.

  12. Alison Moxley says:

    I agree with the alienation of affection laws. People should not be able to start campaigns to destroy families. They should have to pay.

  13. Anonymous in FL says:

    Hurt, pain, feeling used, wanting revenge. Is that God’s way? Why do people today feel that they should seek revenge? Revenge is for the Lord, not humans. How will you be able to go to sleep at night when you are planning to inflict the same hurt on someone else that you are feeling?

  14. Dear Dr. Phil

    This not about cheating .
    Its about getting my wedding dress fitted. Its at disney world and no one will talk to me. I get arun around. I design it my self. I told a seamster about it and she agreed to do it. Now the time is getting close to my wedding. So i really need to try it on. You know how that is.
    I talk to you many times about certain subjects.
    I like you. You directed me in the right source.
    This time its more important . My wedding. please contact as soon as possible
    Thanks for caring.
    Marylou kittleson (Geise)

  15. Elena says:

    Doctor Phil:

    I have watched your series; I feel that it is time to share my life story with

    whoever wishes to listen: I was born with ‘Brittle Bones Syndrome’, the first born resulting from my parent’s second marriages….

    I had half brother and sisters…………………………My Mother came from an abusive background and so did my Daddy…….

    In retrospect, I understand now, that my Mom and Dad did not have the ‘tools’,

    to protect me from my tormentors..Some of the torment I suffered, was at the hands of my half-sister Shirley:

    1. In one game, she pretended I was dead; she got my other siblings to play-along: no matter how loud I screamed they all pretended I had died;

    a. My Mother allowed my half-sister, Shirley to do these things over and over again by blaming me when she finally came into the room..What did I do? And for me to just stop it!

    2. Another example: one night Shirley was outside (summer night), with a few of her friends…She knew I was listening at the window and then started to say:

    “Poor Elaine. She died a terrible death! She was on a hill. she saw Mickeal Mccann, and she was in love with him and started down the hill in her wheelchair…Lost control, crashed her wheelchair into Mickael and they both died…….too bad Elaine is dead……All over a boy! What for???????It is not like he wanted anything to do with her anyway!”

    b. This time, Shirley had tormented me in front of her friends and I was crying, why my Mom did not come I do not know………

    c. The girls came in to comfort me; which I was confused about; shirley started up again saying I was dead…

    d. Then I heard Beth McDonald, her friend, tell her what a terrible thing she was doing……Beth came over and hugged me…..The look I saw on Shirley’s face was not good……..

    3. Shirley also broke my limbs many times intentionally; as a form of terrorism: she taught my little sister Jeannine to do the same:

    e. Example: one morning, Jeannine and myself were watching TV, and my Mother yelled at her to stop changing the TV channels and let me see my show…

    f. Jeannine kept changing the channel nevertheless, so I would wheel myself to the TV, and change the channel back;

    g. Finally, my sister Jeannine, threatened me by saying if I changed the channel again: she would break my arm.She changed the channel one more time and I remember thinking,” I can not allow my siblings to think I am afraid of them!”

    h. So I proceeded to go to the TV, and changed the channel knowing what would happen next: sure enough Jeannine came right up to the wheelchair and slammed my right arm and I felt it break….

    i. I turned my wheelchair around and quietly went into the den to tell my Mom: she needed to take me to the hospital…..

    j. When I told her what happened, her response was, ” why didn’t you listen to Jeannine? Then your arm would be okay!”

    My point is this, I brought myself up against all odds…….I love my Mother, I miss my Mother: she was murdered by a drunk driver in 1976…..

    So, there is no conclusion or closure in my life……I can never go to her and ask why she never protected me or told the others not to ever touch me…..Or why she blamed me for the abuse I suffered at their hands???

    I understand now,Mom did not have the tools……She was in pain herself and was a product of her generation…..

    N.H., refused me an education by telling my Mom I was a liability; so I taught myself…..NOT for me but to TELL THOSE IN CONTROL, I was NOT retarded! And, I did NOT need their approval!
    Today, I have an Associate’s Degree in Paralegal Studies from Merrimack College here in of Massachusetts….

    Of course, I ended up marring a bad man and one of my sons has continued his chain of abuse! Because I refuse to allow my younger son too control or manipulate me: he has told my grandson that Meme does not love him anymore or want to see him anymore….

    I brought up my grandson for several years all alone; more or less so he knew how painful his actions would be: trying to maintain control and powe over me: today I am still in therapy….

    Today, I belong to a support group built for woman who have all been abused and then re-victimized by our judicial system! By our social structure which blames the victim for her or his so-called bad luck!

    I understand their pain and suffering having been a Victim and then suffering the re-victimization of our society and the agencies put in place to protect me…..

    The truth is: we are on our own and if we wish to survive; we must push and push!

    Open our mouths and tell the truth!

    Today, I get mad over the abuse and a system that allowed it to flourish!

    I NO LONGER blame myself…..I NO LONGER re-victimize myself by saying that my siblings were right: when they said I was WORTHLESS and USELESS! And did NOT deserve to be alive!

    I have still live with the pain and the losses but i refuse to blame myself ever again…..Enough is enough!

    I got out of that wheelchair against ALL medical ODDS and had TWO children full-term….When everyone said I would break EVERY BONE IN MY PELVIS! THEY WERE WRONG!

    I am in better physical shape than my so-called-counterparts out there who HAVE diabetes and the complications via obesity!

    Medically, doctors will tell you I should not be here…………….I am here to to serve as an example that you can do ANYTHING if you want it badly enough!

    I survived sibling and parental, state abuse and discrimination…..

    I was told that I was retarded, I questioned their diagnoses!
    I was told I would not live to be ten, I proved them wrong!
    When Jeannine and Shirley came after me, I refused to back-down or show fear!
    When my Mother lost control and hurt me with her hands, I tried not to condemn her for it! I knew something was not right. I refused to except what society said……I refused to have people feel sorry for me……

    I wanted to walk, and I still am with only the aid of a crutch! I have come a long way because it has only been since recently: I have stopped blaming myself
    for not having a job that pays my bills! I no longer abuse myself! It is not my fault I was born without good bones. I suffered fracture after fracture! People making fun of my height or my crutch!

    Now, I am treating myself with love and patience……..

    I miss my grandson Andrew, but I am MORE important today…I am looking forward to getting my Bachlor’s in Criminal Justice: I hope that someone will finally give me a job which I deserve. A job being a Victim’s Advocate!
    That is who I am…….I will help others and they me by paying me for my

    life EXPERIENCE AND SUFFERING, making the world a better place for everyone…..

    Thank you for reading this Doctor Phil…..I hope I inspired you to continue your wonderful work!

  16. Diamondinarut says:

    I feel your pain Elana. I am sorry to hear about your mom. I also question my mother for her actions and one day I confronted her, things just kept coming back in my mind and I started getting massive panic attacts and more. When I mentioned to mom “Why mom, why would you allow a man & U to touch me, I was only 11″ She looked @ me and said, I honestly don’t remember any of it, but if I did that and more, she said, I must of loved “THAT MAN AN AWFUL LOT TO DO THAT”. I thought WOW, she still doesn’t get it. My therapist called her a “perpertrator” Hearing from her that her man, would be the best +++++++++++ I could ever have for my first, I was so confused, If she only would of known all those times he left me alone w/my older brother, “he was doing the worst to me and after he was done, I had to deal w/mom and her B/F & then deal w/dad crying over mom and getting drunk. I can’t write anymore of this today! I do feel for you and hope all works out for you. I am sure it will.

  17. Horseluvr says:

    I absolutely agree with being able to sue the other person. While both parties are equally at fault. Something could finally be done to “the other woman”. However, even if you could sue I do not believe it would stop infidelity.
    My family was deeply affected when my father cheated on my mom. After many nights of asking why, I received a call from the other woman to tell me why she was better for my dad and where my mom went wrong in her marriage. She had no shame and no remorse. This woman who I knew for years took my family apart piece by piece. I don’t think a law against this would have stopped her for one second. Nothing has stopped her yet. Not even the fact my parents are still married and sleeping in the same bed.

  18. “It maybe is a sign that your baby is special or you need to go the doctor”…

    “Your stomach will begin to lowered, don’t worry to concentrate on having a healthy baby by eating the appropriate foods and getting plenty of exercise (walking), doing a lot of walking will help you have a much easier birth. good luck and congratula…

  19. Deanna Chelf says:

    Dr Phil, I have e-mailed you again. I hope you have recieved it. I desperatly need your help. I hope and pray you will answer. I cannot go into full detail on the enternet, my life has been exploited enough. People only see want they want to see, without the hole truth! And my reputation, I feel, has been distroyed. I need your help! Please!!!! Deanna

  20. pc326 says:

    As we all know, you cannot change someone else – you can only change yourself. Moral behavior is difficult to control with laws in our country, we’ve seen the debate over drugs vs alcohol; blue laws; etc. I agree that both cheaters are responsible as both are adults and accountable for their own decisions. Maybe we should offer more community support and resources to the one offended/abused, and spend our monies that way; as opposed to the fortune it takes to involve the Legal System and the amount of time that wastes. Or maybe we should have a vigilante organization that we can contact to “make their life really unpleasant” as was and still done in other countries and times gone by. Oh, that’s organized crime! JK LOL

  21. regina says:

    This law should have NEVER been “banished”. I am so pro this law, it’s not only for “future”mistresses” that only insist to wreck someone elses happy marriage, it should also be applied to exes when they still insist on” DIVORCED”??? Please!!!!

  22. Sylvie says:

    Alienation of Affection laws must be reinstated in every single state in this country in order to save the concept of marriage and protect innocent children’s lives from being destroyed by adultery. People who knowingly cheat with married men must be held legally responsible for the damages caused to the family. Of course, the cheating spouse must be held legally responsible as well. Just what damages are we talking about? Deep emotional and mental devastation to the point of becoming unable to perform normal day-to-day activities, like caring for oneself, children, job, household duties, etc. Deep financial damages to the point of losing the house and financial security due to a divorce. Deep emotional confusion to innocent children to the point of failing at school, succumbing to depression and eating disorders over their family’s destruction. How long do these damages last? Many, many years. The effects of adultery could last a lifetime. Now, how come the cheating spouse and the mistress get away with absolutely no liability? The laws in this country are definitely not protecting us against a disaster of this nature. There are laws to protect us in case of fires, earthquakes, etc., but when trhe disaster hits right in the core of the home, the law turns its back at you. You’re on your own, baby. And you better keep it quiet, because it’s extremely embarassing. You must somehow put on a smile ang go back to work the next day. Disability benefits are out of the question, even if you are too devastated to even brush your teeth or comb your hair. Very, very unfair, but this happens every day to many people in this country. I call it The Silent Tsunami. Good title for a movie, I would say!

  23. OneDayAtATime says:

    Oh, yeah! Bring back those laws! After 36 years of marriage my husband strayed again. This time I had had enough! It took almost 9 nine months to get the divorce and settlement. I lost my home, car, and LIFE! The emotional trauma is devastating. It’s been 16 months and I still have anxiety attacks on a regular basis. I still live with my son and his family because of financial reasons, but mainly for the emotional support. To add insult to injury; my ex, at the urging of his ‘girlfriend’, wants to take me back to court. They feel like I got ‘too much’ in the settlement!! I have no skills and I am in my 50’s; I was a Homemaker. Everybody always said how strong I was; but, even a rock can break if you throw enough dynamite at it! I just want closure so I can rebuild the life the two of them destroyed. How am I supposed to put all of this behind me and move on with this hanging over me? This is one instance where the alienation of affection laws would have come in handy; had I been able to, I would have gone after her, too. Revenge is for God; but justice CAN be handled here on Earth! They both made the choice; they wanted to play, let them BOTH pay!

  24. Compassionate Cat says:

    This law should be in effect or we should stop arresting prostitutes. In a marriage the person cheating is not supposed to give consent as they are bound legally to another. As we arrest prostitutes we should also arrest those that break up families because it is legally protected by every state with what’s called a marriage license.
    The offender should be arrested and be able to be sued for damages so that the children and the spouse can seek the damages they are owed.
    What we have right now is no protection and it is barbaric. Those that are sex addicts will be found out and get the treatment they so need.
    The abuse that stems from this betrayal is so deep that it results in suicides, even of the children. How can this not be a crime? The person should be treated the same as a prostitute whether male or female; it doesn’t matter that it’s pro bono. This will help families to be better off and protected like any corporation. Why do we afford business protections we don’t give to the institution of FAMILY?

  25. Jane says:

    I ‘m sick of AOA & here is a great reason it should be abolished!!
    I’m being sued for AOA for over a million dollars. I may have been mislead & used to provoke a wife so she would foucus on me to pay for a contested divorce.

    When I met this man, I was mislead by about his marital status & situation. Later, I find I’ve been brought into all kinds of things I don’t know about. Many false accusations were made by his wife, & she began focusing on getting a settlement from me. Other than legal proceedings, I’ve never met or communicated with her. I’ve never met or communicated with their children.

    According to the documents I’ve seen, the couple separated & filed for for ID divorce with PSA in April 2010. The couple signed another document consenting to an ID divorce & for chancellor to review their divorce decree in June 2010. She moved out of the martial home & received $48,000 cash settlent as part of the PSA from April 2010-June 2010.

    She later claims duress about signing & contest & sues me for alienation. She kept the cash & demanding more. I also found she had threatened/ sued for AOA in 2003. The woman was in situation simular to mine.

    He is a lawyer & she has run for judge, chancery clerk, & worked in legal field for over 20 years. Both know how to maneuver around the legal system. No ruling has been made & 5 judges have been recused. Both have asked me for money to settle their divorce.

    Legal professionals should be setting examples & not guilty of: abuse of process; quasi-equitable estoppel, breech of contract; invasion of privacy; malicious prosecution; intentional infliction of emtional distress; extoration; & entrapment.

  26. Auth says:

    I would start out by telling him that you pesrlnaoly have decided that you are going to start to see a counselor and that you would really like his support with something you are dealing with. I would go to see your therapist one on one the first time to get out in the open what the issue is and then tell them that you would like to invite your husband to a future session to start working on the issue.the therapist will probably want to ask you a few questions first to have a good platform of what the issue is. Then you can say everything you want w/ out him there and you don’t have to worry about hurting his feelings.When you are ready to invite him. Tell him that your therapy is really working for you and you feel that it’s doing some good. Ask him if he wouldn’t mind going with you to a session. Tell him that somethings came up that your therapist thought might be good to have both of you come to a session together. Tell him in a cheerful voice and don’t act whiny or sad because you want to invite him not discourage him.I hope this helps

  27. Cindy says:

    Saw your show today on Alienation of Affection Laws, never heard of such! I’m Happily Married, so my question is could this be applied concerning my grandson that I can no longer have one on one quality time with since he was adopted by his other grand parents? He and his half sister want to spend time together and love and miss each other a lot. But, since the adoption took place they have taken him away from this part of his family and basicly cast us out of his life, to have him all to them selves. I was an adopted child also, I can respect private adoption, but this is different. I was with them and we worked together for the best interest for these two kids and it was verbal between them and I, that we would do all to keep the kids together as much as possible as brother and sister. I’ve been told that when my daughter signed him over for these people to adopt and ended her rights to him, my rights ended that day also! I had no idea that these people would do what they are doing. An attorney mentioned to me that it’s call withholding affection and we may be able to get visition for the childrens sake. This is the second time I have wrote to Dr. Phil about this problem, my other is posted under ask Dr. Phil. Thanks if you can help or advise.

  28. Ted says:

    I live in North Carolina. My wife and I have always struggled in a lot of areas of control and communication, but I have always held on hope for learning how to resolve conflict and enjoy a happy marriage.

    When we switched churches, I noticed her hate and bitterness grow, and she eventually conceded to get marriage counseling through this same church. In the first meeting the pastor told me to move out “in order for the two of you to work on your personal issues.”

    This was supposed to be temporary. The assumption was to come back to the marital home and begin joint counseling to work on the marriage relationship.

    When I moved out, my wife not only changed the locks, but immediately began calling another man. Who knows how long the relationship had been going on prior to my leaving — via visits, untraceable text message, and email!?

    The church slandered my character, fostering my wife’s complaints that I was abusive — which I was absolutely not — and stopped returning my calls for further counsel.

    She is now in a full relationship, staying at this house while I have my children for the weekend. She is telling my children that “daddy is no longer her husband” though we are merely separated. She tells them that her “friend” is “not their step dad”.

    I thought our marriage had a chance before all this.

    Can I sue the church for alienation of affection? I sure would like to bring a church like this to its knees. All I wanted was to work it out. To give the marriage a chance.

  29. Sevia Orfrin says:

    I don’t know how and where to start.I’ve been married now for 30 yrs,and just found out few months ago that my husband has been having an affair, with Victoria escarda Austin,who used to be my friend and was on my wedding.and he confessed that they started sleeping together while we we’re stationed in San Diego Cali.back in early 90s.and all this time they remain their affairs thru online.since we got orders to Japan in 96,she would send him pictures and also would have sex thru Skype.oh yes!I have all that pictures. and now I am planning to sue her for alienation of affection,but I don’t know how to start.Pls help!!!

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