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May 13th, 2010 by Dr. Phil

For Better or For (Much, Much) Worse

alientationofaffection1Do you remember something called “alienation of affection?” It was an old law that allowed a spouse to sue someone for interference with his or her marriage. It was once on the books in every state in the country. But in the 1930’s, most states got rid of the law, thinking that standard divorce laws were good enough. Today, you can only find the alienation of affection law in seven states — one of which is North Carolina.

And, are you ready for this? A North Carolina woman named Cynthia Shackelford decided to use the almost forgotten law to sue a younger woman named Anne Lundquist, alleging that Lundquist had an affair with her husband and ruined their marriage. In March of this year, after a two-day trial where Lundquist was noticeably absent, a jury ordered Lundquist to pay the jilted wife $9 million in damages.

A victorious Mrs. Shackelford declared that the entire reason for her lawsuit was to deter so-called home wreckers. “I’m just trying to send a message to other people that are like Anne (Lundquist), that if they’re looking at somebody else’s husband — that’s still living at home, that’s still sleeping in the marital bed and comes to parties and introduces his wife as his better half — to leave him alone and not go after him,” she said in one interview.

Ms. Lundquist, who now lives in New York, is appealing the verdict, saying the court system did not give her enough warning about when the case was going to trial and did not grant her a continuance to prepare. She also claims the Shackelfords’ marriage was irreparable before her own relationship began with Mr. Shackelford, which means that she could not have caused any alienation of affection in the first place.

What do you think? Do you believe a re-enactment of an alienation of affection law could put a stop to a lot of affairs? Would a man who wants to cheat with a married woman — or a woman who wants to cheat with a married man — think twice about getting involved if they know they could get sued and end up having to pay 9 million smackeroos?

We’ve got a show on about this entire subject today, and Mrs. Shackelford herself will be my guest. Needless to say, I can’t wait to read your comments.

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129 Responses to “For Better or For (Much, Much) Worse”

  1. Sandy Lehman says:

    I can totally relate to both guests on today’s show; I’m living it thanks to my husband’s affair that began playing on-line poker and QUICKLY escalated to sexting and “love.” He proposed marriage to this woman 3 weeks into the sexting, having never seen nor met her. He says she met his needs… I say he was her job and he just couldn’t let it go, even after I learned of the affair 8 months after it began. We tried to reconcile but he kept lying to me, to our daughters, our friends – he just couldn’t give it up. She sent him movies of herself, photos of her breasts (implants), he had plenty of naked photos of her. He left here 2/21/10; he moved her into his newly rented condo 2/28/10, exactly one week later. She told him she wanted a sugar daddy, he told her he would be that. I’ve read hundreds of their ichats / he lied to her, she lied to him. My husband told me he had nothing in common with her but “she was like my own personal porn site, it was fun.” Once our divorce is final, I’m sure they’ll quickly wed unless she learns before then there is no money, and certainly not the kind of money he has told her we have. I agree with statements made on today’s show: I’ve loved this man for 36 years but he has become someone I do not know… he is not the man he was even 3 years ago… and I am grieving that loss, our daughters are grieving the loss of the father they knew. As our younger daughter said in February, “I don’t like my new dad, I want my old dad back.” It’s VERY sad, overall. Do I think alienation of affection lawsuits should be allowed in all these United States? Absolutely. Maybe people would think twice before tearing apart two families. I, too, believed he and I would grow old together but, sadly, that has been taken away from me and I had no choice in the matter; he made that decision for me.

  2. Melissa says:

    Dr. Phil….if people want to have affairs..they will. Is it morally correct? NO…however..Mr. Shackelford didn’t HAVE to have an affair..and suing the woman? I mean..come on..why sue the “other woman”..she is not the one married to Mrs. Shackelford..her HUSBAND is…As far as I am concerned..if my husband cheats with someone, I am not going to blame the other woman, because my husband should have the mouth and the will to say NO.

  3. Louise Robinson says:

    Dr Phill. I would like to thank you and the two women you invited on your show. You alway say that it’s may be a turning point in your life. Now I believe you !
    For the first time since January 1987, I feel proud of me, proud that I stand up for me, proud to be the women I have been at this time and proud of myself today.
    I never think that it’s gona happen one day. I feel free for the first time since the divorce. It’s so good !!!
    I know that I have made mistake the way I did it for my son, I did’nt protect him, but I know why and I still stuggle with that today.
    I am so tankfull.
    Now I have to pass thru the bad feeling about my son, I have to pardon myseft to did’nt know better at this time.
    I also understand now why I never permit myself to commit myself with an other relation since then. I hope that I gone be able to do it some time. I ‘m just happy to beleive that one day I’ll be able to do it.
    Thanks, thanks, thanks !!!!

  4. Kami Busch says:

    I come from 2 marriages ruined by another woman. They went after my husbands knowing he was happily married. They pursued and enticed until they got what they wanted. Then the guilt sets in and the marriage is ruined. Their guilt and shame was all it took for them to leave and go with the other woman. They both knew that they could have second best by going with the other woman. They both chose not to fight to fix what they broke as they felt the guilt would be too much to take. All these people that think there must have been something already wrong with the marriage for a person to cheat are dead wrong. Alls it takes is some enticing and the thoughts of not getting caught. They were tempted by the devil in human form. I would love to have the law put back into place. It would save many families. It would alleviate the great temtations of cheating. All these people that say their spouse would never do it, well guess what. I was one of those people, two times and it still happened. No matter what I did the second time around, it still happened. First time was with a co-worker that we both worked with. The second time was with the neighbors sister. I applaud those who have long term marriages but it can still happen to you. Try and get over it twice without feeling like what’s wrong with me? Why do they chose their mistress over me every time? It would be easier if they died. Still fighting to stay sane. They should pay for the mental anguish they have caused all people involved in their affair. I am now without a home, without medical, and trying to start over again. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?

  5. J0yann says:

    That law should never of been taken off the books. But then again I have mixed feelings about the law.
    If I had the names of all the women and teenager on my husbands cheating list maybe I could of used it. But this law didn’t exist in my state anymore in the 60’s.
    I guess in some respects it should be on the books and used by either party that has gone through a cheating problem. I question it being used at different stages of ages when there are children in the marriage. It could turn them against the person filing it. Younger children are always victims, and the younger they are the worse it is on them. Again it goes to the age of understanding the situation.

  6. Tricia says:

    Your show was amazing today. It’s a VERY similar situation that I went thru about 3 years ago. I worked for my dad and a coworker (who i felt was a good friend) started having an affair with him. Once I had enough evidence for myself (and my mom) I confronted her and my mom confronted my dad. She tried to deny it, but I pressed her and was so pissed off at her because she was one of those ladies that took advantage of a situation. My dad never would have done something like that because my mom had done it to him a couple of times. But she was already cheating on her husband and ended that affair to start one with my dad….I was devistated that she would do that and that my dad would do that. I almost quit my job several times because I had so much anger towards hiim. She quit the day after my parents got back from vacation where my mom confronted my dad. I still have very angry feelings towards her, but i dont see her anymore. I have anger towards my dad, but it is fading. I don’t work for him anymore because the store shut down due to the economy. He apologized to me, but only after my mom said I was going to quit because of everything that happened. He didn’t really mean it tho. He really doesn’t feel like he did anything wrong. He has the kind of attitude about it that my mom did it to him so he had every “right” to do it to her. He doesn’t get what he has done to me and what he has done to the family. My parents are still together, although, it may not be for long….I just pray that I never ever have a relationship like my parents.

  7. Ashley says:

    I think it may stop some people, or at least make them think, which is a good thing anyways. Although, some people will still cheat of course.

  8. Crystal says:

    Dr. Phil:

    I think this would have made a huuuuuuge difference in the 1930s- not in 2010. Its good, I likee it but, in todays society people care veryyy little for family life and values. Back then this type indiscretion was handled a little more discreetly. People would have these type situations and the cheater/cheatee would be considerate of the wife and family. Society would tar and feather offenders. But infidelity is now media fodder and public sensationalism. As a matter of fact people care very little about each other. Its just okay to steal someones husband/wife or to committ adultery.

    What I find challenging though, and for all the people that just think the wife should sue her husband , there are children involved in these affairs. Its not just a wife and her husband. Its like Elizabeth Edwards alluded to; It takes effort to create a home and have a family and if you want one go and get one of your own. Sure, marriages experience difficulty. Thats relationships in general but, what could possibly be something to resolve becomes irreconcilable because an affair occurred. Same again for the Edwards family. Their relationships seemed to be able to withstand gail force winds until the Hunter lady. Most relationships survive difficulty , loss of job, medical or health trauma etc., but, along comes fidelity and you have the 3rd party going…”oh this relationship was in trouble along time ago..”;(

    I am sure the argument is too diverse to conclude with a comment but, I really wished that law talked about destroying homes and children’s lives. I wished that law talked about the alienation of a father from a son and the lack of protection a daughter feels when her home is divided. Then I would say double the amount.

  9. Annette says:

    I feel that the fear of being sued may very well make cheaters step back for a minute before they destroy someones marriage. I understand that it is not just one person’s fault when the spouse cheats and the fact that the spouse is the one married, but the fact remains that cheating is cheating. If the other woman or man were fearful of being sued then maybe just maybe they might think twice about having an affair with a married man or woman. What has happened to the sanctity of marriage, does no one think that marriage is a special. Personally in my own marriage my husband did commit adultery early on and we worked through it together and as a family. Infidelity does not just hurt the spouses it hurts the whole family. I have been married now for nearly 17 years and he has not had another affair and trust me I can verify that because I work very close to him and we spend most of our time together. I think that if he was to have another affair that I would file a lawsuit against the other woman. People just need to think before they act and be more accountable for their actions and the lawsuits may be just the thing.

  10. Paula Ashworth says:

    And we wonder why some women after 25 years of marriage and grown kids turn LESBIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m happily married now, but have been cheated on emotionally and lied to and the pain is so bad. i live in south carolina and understand they are seeking to get this law back. i bet if a woman or man has to write that monthly check out to the other party they’ll think twice about doing it again.

  11. Karl says:

    I live in Columbia, SC. Home of the Luv Guv. I just want to say, I think Jenny is a BABE. I don’t know what Mark was thinking. She gave him four sons. FOUR!!!…for heaven’s sake. And she still looks fine. A woman like that go through labor four times, to give me four sons to carry on my name…I would worship the griound she walks on. I would make it my life’s mission to satisfy her every need. Jenny…you won’t have any problem finding someone special.

  12. Joyce Long says:

    I think the law is silly, it takes 2 to tango and to go after the other woman is just redicilous. The husbands have a mouth, they can say no…. A woman does not hold a gun to the mans head and say sleep with me or else. He does it because he wants to. It is not just the womans fault. If a woman is coming on to a married man, he doesnt forget hes married, he cheats because it is what he wants and no one can make him do it. Or in the opposite situation if a man is coming on to a married woman, she knows she is married and knows how to use her mouth and respect her vows and say no.
    And what good does it do to sue someone anyway, you seldom see a penny out of it.

  13. Misty says:

    I personally think this is a stupid law. My fiance’s ex-wife tried to sue me for this after she had found out that we were together (we started dating 4 months after he left her). We, too, live in North Carolina, but she didn’t have a case because I had nothing to do with their marriage breaking up. I think all states should do away with this law because all it does is allow a bitter spouse to sue their husbands (or wife’s) new partner. This woman got $9 million in damages? Come on now, that’s just messed up. But in the wonderful state of NC, you can pretty much sue anyone for anything, so it doesn’t surprise me. I do think that cheating with a married person (or cheating if you are married) is morally wrong, but not something to be sued over. If your spouse doesn’t want to be with you, get over it and move on. Unfortunately, most people won’t do that. It’s so much more fun for them to try to “get back” at the spouse who left and in this case, get rich in the process.

  14. darnell says:

    Thanks Dr. Phil for the help you bring every day .
    I think the alienation of afection law should be enacted in all America, but reevaluating how the cultural changes are damaging the very center of society: marriage.
    Most of affairs happen at workplace and some companies enable the misconduct. It should be prohibited to have extramarital affairs at work.
    It is ironic how you can sue anyone for causing injuries to your pet or damage to your property, but theres nothing legal you can do for the destruccion and pain that comes with an affair.
    I married my high school sweetheart, had three children, worked hard for everything We had, and then he met a woman that worked as Manager for a company that he made business with, and they both decided to have the affair.
    I got sick, that triggered many lupus flares (I didn’t know about the lupus until that) he was fired from his work because his boss was afraid of a law suit. We lost our house, our savings until he found another job, the marriage is almost ended, and later I found out that the woman , who also happended to be married, was having several extramarital affairs at that time.
    the coworkers knew, and even cover up for her, she had the promotion she wanted, and the funny thing is that the company slogan is that they are a “Family values oriented company” and I can surely “expect great things”…like the great damage to my family .. without any legal action against her or him or anyone….I’m still learning to cope with that.

  15. Melissa says:

    I think that some form of punishment should be applied. I think it should be applied to the “cheater” and the person they cheated with. It’s kinda like an “accessory” to the crime. After all it is a contract that would be broken. But I’m not sure that any price could make up for the damage that would be done. I think people cheat for many different reasons…because they are unhappy with their spouse…because they aren’t in love….and sometimes they say they just can’t “help” themselves….and then some blame the person they cheated with. But I think when they cheat they can’t see the consequences that they, and their family, will have. Some think they won’t get caught, or they will just get a divorce so they can do what they want. The person who they cheated with probably feels like they aren’t the one who is married so they are not doing anything wrong.

    I think that if there was a clear punishment from the law for some who cheats on their spouse and the person they cheat with they would be able to see their consequences and hopefully think twice. If your not happy or, for whatever reason, don’t want to stay faithful….don’t get married, or atleast have enough respect for yourself and others to get a divorce first!!!

  16. Janet says:

    I think you had my life on TV today – I just found out 8 weeks ago today that my husband is having an affair with a women that works in his office. Of course, he did not admit to it until I did some snooping and came up with her name. He moved out “thinking” I guess it was OK to continue on with the relationship. I have filed for divorce. He always new that if he EVER cheated on me – it was over. We have two grown sons that don’t want anything to do with hi. he destroyed the family values that they were taught growing up. To add a little more confusion to the fire, we have also been raising out 7 year old grandson together for the past 5 years (99% of the time) and of course his grandpa is his world. My question now is – how do I explain this to a 7 year old? he thinks he is coming back when the 6 month lease at his “new place” is up. He seems to be a trooper but not sure he is not holding in some anger (he already has issues from his infant years) that we were dealing with. I don’t want to put him in a worse place but feels he deserves to know the truth. Questions will be coming, and I don’t feel it is fair that I have to give them – although with me at least they won’t be lies. Your advise?

  17. I am from South Carolina. When I saw my morning paper, I was appalled at our governor. He is seeing his mistress again. It’s a slap in our face as well as direspectful to is family.

    He cared more this woman than he did for his wife. What a jerk!!! Thank God his term will be up in November.

    Jenny Sanford did the best… thing when she filed for divorced. I feel for her and her sons.

    Mark Sanford is dog!!

  18. Denise says:

    A coworker of my husband’s pursued him for over 2 years before he gave in to her persistently trying to seduce him. Now, my husband is an idiot for playing with fire and not reporting her behavior to his employer or myself. I hold him accountable. But this spawn of the devil knew our family and did not care that he was happily married with children. She lusted after him and finally wore him down. She is pathetic, controlling and manipulative and my husband began to think of her as a nuisance. She threatened to tell their employer and me whenever my husband tried to refuse to meet her. She wanted to leave her family and run off with my husband but he refused. She also threatened to harm herself. She stalked our home and our family. My husband and our family are not her first victims. If there were a law to sue her I believe it might actually make the whore think first.

  19. Irene says:

    I believe that the law should be effect all fifty states. I live in New Mexico and the same situation happen to me but with a bad twist. The woman was my best friend. I did tell her to leave my husband alone because he and I need to work on are marriage and she flat out refused to stop seeing my husband. People like her need to realize that they can not continue doing what they are doing and recking home for their pure pleasure and in months leave the man and gone off to someone else. I say have this law harder and stricter so that there won’t be so much divorce.

  20. Ron Noble says:

    It happens to men too
    I was married and with my ex for 23 plus years and she found someone on
    the e-net and was gone with her inhertance and tried to destroy me.
    7 years later the money is gone and her relationships are deteriating, so
    now she comes back to me for allimoney, is this possible after being
    divorced for more than 5 years.
    Help me

  21. Natalia says:

    I felt I was watching a copy of my own life in Cynthia’s situation, right down to her avoidance of confrontation with the other woman. I totally understand the way Cynthia felt and how she handled it. Based on 30+ years of good, you have blind trust, admiration and tremendous respect for the man, but on the other hand you are finding out things that are so out of character, you just cannot even wrap your mind around them. He is the gold standard of trust, and the first instinct is to give him the benefit of the doubt. If he doesn’t admit it when confronted, you keep making excuses in your mind for him while you search for absolute irrefutable proof of what’s going on. Let me tell you, searching for that truth is pure torture. I find it interesting that your examples were financially successful men of certain power and prestige. My ex has a well-respected job in the entertainment industry. He cheated with a PA from his office and still to this day has never admitted it or apologized to me or our children for cheating on US. He got married to this person last year without ever acknowledging that the relationship existed during our marriage. Our daughter got hysterical at the reception. Our two grown children used to adore him, but now they have totally lost respect for him. They love him and are cordial to him, but they miss the relationship they can never regain now that he has made the trespasser a permanent part of the family. My children and I feel the loss of the family in a profound way. I don’t think he even really “gets” why. We spent 30 years together nurturing our family and setting a good example of a loving family. That has infinite value to me. The tragedy is that if he had turned his energy back to wooing his wife, instead of a girlfriend, his wife’s thrilled response might have provided just as much excitement for him and enriched his family as well. One other consequence: I was very close to his family. They were my major supportive relationships and I miss that.

  22. Stefanie says:

    I went through the affair nightmare. My husband had affairs with women from the workplace. It is horrible to watch my children having their world break down. All the values that I have tried to instill in them are broken now. One of the main persons in their life, their dad cheated not only me but also them. I feel that the contract between a man and a woman is especially important when there are children. If trust is wrecked by infidelity, the children’s basic trust takes a nose dive that is never going to be fixed, they will always remember that THEIR dad chose an intruder over their mom and children. Something so basic to them is GONE.
    Cheaters and their mistresses (males too) are currently not held responsible for breaking this contract/commitment. The women or men that have affairs with married people can chose not to do what they do, but since there is no consequence why not? The children are expected to not lie, be trustworthy. Can you steal and get away with it when caught? Society looks at this type of behavior as a crime in all other instances, but not so when it concerns the very center of our character development, the family nucleus.
    If you are not happy in your marriage, open your mouth, seek help, you have the responsibility even more so when you decide to have children. If nothing works, have a separation or a divorce. At least you can agree to give the children a honest mom/dad relationship towards them. But an affair ruins everything, the victim is the other spouse that never had a chance, the children whose world of trust and when-I-do-the-right-thing-I-receive-good is broken for them too.
    Does anyone care about this anymore? We should ask more of ourselves as humans than reverting back to excuse everything as animalistic need.

    I am very sad for my children that I tried to raise in a positive way and environment, now they visibly are less shiny in their optimism and trust in their future, dreams have been destroyed…

    The mistresses do not have to face any consequences. It is sickening too, that after a divorce happens so many times the cheaters get to take care of the children!! They get to give their bad seeds to the children. Their character that allowed them to cheat is now allowed to be passed on to the children. I think by their behavior they disqualified themselves as parents.
    Can we finally see the obvious and do something about this!

  23. Marianne says:

    I agree that alienation of affection suits should be allowed. They are allowed in Illinois and I considered filing one against the bimbo who got involved with my then husband. Unfortunately, the attorney wanted $30,000 as a retainer and she didn’t have any money to take. It would have been nice just to cause problems for her, but not worth 30K.

    She, along with many other women who get involved with married men, know they are married and should be off limits. This particular bimbo made a habit of dating only married men, older and wealthier than herself. I can sympathize with women who are lied to by men who say they are single when they aren’t. I have no sympathy for those who knowingly get involved with a married man.

    The most ridiculous thing is she thinks she was cheated out of the money I received in the divorce settlement. Money that belonged to both of us. I guess she thought is should be hers. Never mind that she never would have looked at him twice had he been the underpaid school teacher he was when we met instead of the doctor he became after we married Unfortunately, he wasn’t quite a wealthy as she thought.

    However, maybe there is justice. They are now married. He is sick. She is under house arrest. I am happily remarried.

    Too bad for them!

  24. FosterBoys says:

    Ah, Justice.

    As adults, we have to accept that, yes, bad things do happen to good people and that sometimes (if not oftentimes), there is no recourse. Not every injury has a remedy. Not every crime has a punishment.

    Each one of us has a well within us for life’s injustices. Into it goes each unfairness, malign, slight, and hurt. Some will draw from this well as their earned admission ticket on “the bitter bus”. Others will fortify themselves from this well, strengthened in the knowledge that not only hasn’t it killed them, but it has given them a courage and confidence that they would have been lacking otherwise. Others still, will simply give up, jump into the well and drown.

    Life isn’t fair. Not every injustice can be remedied with a lawsuit.

  25. Darlene Hollis says:

    If men did not have a soft place to land (other woman) and women did not have a strong shoulder to cry on (other man), marriages would have a better chance of surviving turbulent times and not lend thmesleves so quickly to sexual temptation. As painful as it is, affairs sometimes just happen. But if someone dilerberately goes after another’s spouse, it should be treated as “stealing” and absolutely be dealt with in a civil court and lawsuit. There are not enough consequences to adulterous behavior anymore. I agree with the coment “they are the devil in human form.” These homewreckers seek out who and what they can destroy.

  26. Maria says:

    The law should be in effect in every state, both wowen and men should be included in the suits. I am sure that many spouses would refrain themselves because of the consequences and perhaps family values would prevail.

    I am going trough the same situation. My husband lied to me and our son, he denied having and affair and even today when he is living with his mistress in NY and filed for divorce deny that she is responsible. He claims that he was not happy in 25 years of marriage what is a surprise to everyone because he seemed very happy. For him family, his wife and son were the most important things in life. He was very proud everytime he introduced me to his friends and was constantly talking about his son’s accomplishments. That changed a few years ago and now he does not even contact him, sometimes text message. Our was only 16 when this started and his father destroyed his present and perhaps partially his future. He lied to us. He left last year in August and begged to come back in September, he talked both with me and our son and promised never to leave again and to be here for him to help him to go to the best University in the country. He left just before Christmas and notified our son with a phone call. He refuses to pay for school. Where is the man I met 26 years ago, we don’t know. What did this woman do to him, I don’t know, but she destroyed a very happy and united family. I would like for them both to pay for the pain caused. Bring the law back

  27. Perhaps. Too, a law for person being sued to sue person who initiated relationship. So, if husband initiated he can be sued by both women which brings us back to square one that likely States who ended practice saw “it takes two to tango”.

    It use to REALLY grate on me when single folks at work would encourage married folks to go out then once THEY had a relationship and had damaged married folks marriage they didn’t think right to do what they did.

    Essentially, I think the courts were saying we are all adults and responsible for our actions and, true, possibly marriage did have problems before affair yet, also, true might not have.

    For instance, single co-worker scenario above I mentioned all the persons married who went out were flirts and enjoyed going out and being seen with the younger single persons at work. Sadly, though, many of course then didn’t want to do any thing fun with family because already had at work. I knew one man who brought his work home and would watch watch for things did with wife because had so much fun at work couldn’t get all of his work done there so did at home during family time. Then, would scour at wife “I’ve got work to do” then go on picnics with co-workers when likely his family would have liked to go on a picnic too.

    A married co-worker who didn’t go out with all the single persons at work mentioned to man, “Do you ever take your wife places you always want us to go.” Man, with displaced guilt, got mad at his wife that co-worker thought his behavior inappropriate. Yet his wife would say the red flags were there before married. So, if woman suing woman in this instance saw red flags before married that her husband a flirt… well… what you see is what you get.

    Very tempting when family budgets are tight to have fun on expense accounts with co-workers just simply because not only do “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” everyone does… people get in over their head… Things can begin innocently on both persons’ parts and get out of hand in a hurry if alcohol introduced at Happy Hour after work etc.

    Personally, I think that we need Emotional and Life Skill Education DAILY classes K-12 and maybe in Freshman year college too in schools to role play a lot of these scenarios with either educational films or actual role playing so folks see how iffy behavior can be hurtful. Age appropriate topics relative to each age group from stranger danger to ignoring relationship red flags danger.

    Parents cannot teach what they have not learned. However, as a society, we have collective knowledge of common pitfalls that’d be nice to see a road map of and discuss before damage to be armed with knowledge and a better response. Robin’s book “Inside My Heart” is excellent about personal choices. I’ve said since taking Economics in college… Life is like Economics: Choice. Enough bad choices you can end up emotionally and/or financially bankrupt. Or you do have the ENRON factor where another(s) can wreck your life… misallocating funds or time due you.

    Most every difficulty in my life I ignored red flags or my first better thought to do or not to do whatever. Sure sometimes, too, I was snookered by someone without my best interests in mind. Not only on tests yet often in life that first thought is often your heart of hearts first choice including “this situation is iffy and compromising”. Sure we can do repair and maintenance on poor choices and there are exceptions.

    It’d behoove all those considering a relationship to Google which States still have “alienation of affection” law to avoid being sued. For, yes, if persons knew this could happen if had an affair might deter “alienation of affection” and so maybe law is a good law if would save marriages. True, if persons not in marriage wouldn’t have an affair with a married person than married persons would make relationship in work. For Dr. Phil is right that “Relationship Rescue Begins with self” and I believe not only with others and with oneself. I lost my point or maybe this last paragraph encapsulates.

  28. Well you go girl! I think that is awesome! The other lady is just justifying — the guy was married regardless… hands off until he’s free to date. What are the other states that have that law? Hmmmm… going to have to go Google that! :)

  29. Peter says:

    Your show about alienatiion of affection struck a loud chord in my life. I went through the samething three years ago. My wife left me and three adult kids thee years ago. We were starting to find each other, rediscover the “flame” etc. We took up motorcycling as a hobby. Prior to that we lived a good life, we did everything togeather. We were a skiing family. Skied all over New England and once a year we wold go out west to ski with a ski group that we had skied the last twenty years. We were having fun. Did we have problems ?? None that I was aware of. So what happen…We met this man that we both knew, he road motorcycles also. He had lost his wife two years prior. We conciderend him a friend. we knew his wife and his kids. We asked him to join us riding at night after work etc. I had no problem with him. I “trusted” him….big mistake. “You practically threw your wife at me” when I confronted him in his own home. I tried to reason with this guy. I needed to get him on the right track. I didn’ yell at him I spoke to him. I knew that he was infactuated with my wife. My wife knew it was wrong, she agreed with me. I told her that I will speak to him again and this time I was not to be as nice to hime. She told me that she would speak to him about this problem. She was afraid that she would hurt his feelings……Guess who got the high ho ??? No regard for me nor our kids. Our family and friends were shocked. She wanted out. This guy is your classic passive agressive personallity. He was NOT to be denied, he was going to get what he wanted regardless of the cost. I prayed for death everynight and was bull when I would wake up in the morning. What saved me was my kids. I love them very much, they pulled me off of the living room rug one weekend when I gave up on me and on life. I held out for a year waiting for her to come home. That never happened. We got a divorce in 2008. I ask her the day of the divorce if she really wanted to go through this, her answer was yes, Since then I have rediscovered myself and I am enjoying life. I hold nor hatred towards my ex wife. Hatred has no place in my life and I thank god for giving me the courage to go forward in my life and to enjoy my new friends that I have found along the way. So yesteradays show really got me thinking. I think that you should be able to sue the people that break up a marraige. I know as soon as they see a court date and they know that their ass is the sling the game will stop. Sure there are cases where they don’t care they will go ahead with the affair. It would be like trying to stop two german shepards in a field…we know that isn’t going to happen !! This is the male version of yesterdays show it happens to both genders. Oh did I mention that we were married for 34 years?? We weathered out all the major storms of life togeather, but at the end of the day that persistant s-o-b won….Knowing what I know now I think I won !! It came with a price trust me. I have my dignity, I have my pride. Most importantly I have the respect of my kids. Thanks for letting me air it out..Feels good !

    Peter

  30. The OldLady says:

    I used to practice divorce law in North Carolina, and although the bar seemed to think this law was outdated, I got a surprising number of questions about it. I used to tell people the law was intended to keep rich men away from poor men’s wives. And I think it probably worked for that. But it’s not worth suing the interloper unless he/she has money to pay a judgment unless you have plenty of money yourself, don’t mind paying it to a lawyer, and really want to make the happy pair miserable.

  31. Tami Stellern says:

    I am going through divorce right now for the very same reason as Mrs. Shackleford. My husband is the Manager of a nationally known store. There were several that he worked with that he thought were rather nasty, but there was this one in particular. He would come home and tell us how she was dirty, slept around, things she would do in the store, how her daughter was so nasty also, etc. Well he decided that this girl needed help and asked if I would befriend her and try to help her through some problems that she had told him about. I reluctantly agreed to try to help her. Well, long story short, she now has my husband and he is trying to take everything we have known away from us. She quit his place of business under the pretext of studying to get her GED. However, they were carrying on at that time. It escalated to his leaving his family for this married woman. They immediately started living together, even though she was still married (and her husband knew nothing of the affair). I have been blamed for everything, including the breakup of my marriage. I homeschool my daughter, and now he is trying to force me to put her into public school, simply because he does not want to pay any type of maintenance. My daughter does not want to see her father, and I am being blamed. He is trying to force visits on her and I am caught in the middle. I support my daughter’s feelings, but the court is ordering me to take her to him. I have a grown son, who legally changed his name to be the same as the man he had called dad for most of his life, then this man walks out of his life as well. Now he does not speak to my son, acknowledge his birthday, etc. This upsets my daughter. This man feels that he has done nothing wrong. We are dealing with it all. It is hard, but we know that God is watching over us and that we will make it. The state I live in does recognize the “Alienation of Affection” law, but I have been told it would do me no good, only cost me money. That is what is wrong with society today. You have no rights unless you do something wrong. I will not stoop to their level. I do not want him back. He has taken so much from me, TRUST being the number one thing. My only guilt is that I loved and trusted this man with all I am, and now I am alone. I have my two beautiful children and we are on the uphill. Thank you sooooo much for this episode. My daughter texted her father and told him to watch it. I am sure that he did not, but she tried. My prayers are with Ms. Shackleford & Ms. Sanford. Again, thank you for this episode and for the bravery of these two wonderful women.

  32. nicole says:

    I loved the “alienation of affection” lawsuit. Do men follow some sort of “script” when it comes to affairs? My husband also found his soulmate, but couldn’t actually admit it to anyone. Due to his complete change of behaviour (also described by the women on the show), I had to dig deep and find out about the affair. Not once did he offer up anything, only when directly questioned would he admit what had happened. When I spoke with his soulmate, she said she was not the problem…there were problems in our marriage long before she came into the picture. She said she was merely the catalyst to make us realize there were problems in our marriage.
    The “other women” who insert themselves into families to break them apart should be held accountable for their actions. She entered into the affair with her eyes wide open, knowing the man she was sleeping with had a wife and 3 young children at home. If only she could have picked up the phone to get my side of the story when it came to the problems in our marriage (I thought it was going quite well, actually)….People who cheat, and the people who cheat with them are nothing more than cowards. Bravo to Ms. Shakleford for calling that other woman out and demanding she be responsible for her part in the affair. Bravo to Ms. Sanford for moving forward with grace. You both are remarkable women.

  33. Cindy Kiesewetter says:

    I felt so at peace after watching this show. I was married for 7 years before my ex-husband had his first affair with his brother’s wife. When I confronted him with my suspicions, I was told that I was “crazy” and “paranoid,” and he self-righteously declared that he could never do that to his brother. After I found out the truth a few months later, I demanded he end the affair and, because my daughter was only 3, I wanted to try to make our marriage work. My husband had changed, though…it was as if he were a completely different person. I know that I had changed, also, because I was a very trusting person before the affair, and following that, I had a difficulty time believing anything he said. After several years of working extremely hard to be the wife he wanted and trying hard to trust him again, he began his affair with her again. When I brought to his attention my suspicions, he moved out of our bed and onto the couch. He lost his job because he was spending too much time talking or emailing her from work, so when I told him I needed him to move out of the house, he refused, saying it was as much his house as mine. I lived for another 7 months in those conditions before he finally moved out, and I scraped together the money to purchase our home from him and pay off our debts. They are still together, although it took her 2 extra years to get divorced, and they are touting it as “meant to be” because they couldn’t be kept apart. I admire both of the women in this show for going through the process with grace and dignity.

  34. BB says:

    I think the law should be abolished, it’s outdated and spouses are not property. I understand the hurt and betrayal that is caused when one spouse betrays the other but it is the spouse who is doing the betraying not the OW/OM. It doesn’t make it right, nor does it excuse the behavior but something was broken, either in the marriage itself or within the person and to put blame on the other party is sticking your head into the sand and revenge isn’t the way to move past the hurt and the pain.

  35. Kay says:

    My husband (now EX!) also cheated on me. I only knew and had prove after hiring a private investigator. Best money I ever spent! I only wanted the truth! My family had a large business and we hired him as an employee that had a large responsibility. He ended up having an affair with his secretary. So, I was paying the salary of the woman who cheated with my husband!! I told him he had to fire her, which he did. But, I know he kept seeing her for awhile. She finally broke up another marriage and married this man. Now they are divorced! I didn’t know it at the time, but my husband was using cocaine! Now I understand where our money went! We tried to work on our marriage (counseling, etc…) but it just didn’t work. He wasn’t willing to listen and do what the counselor suggested. He thinks he knows everything!! We were more like roommates than husband and wife. I couldn’t forget what he did to me and our children, because he never showed any remorse. He didn’t care! After, we finally separated years later, I found out he had been cheating again on me for years towards the end of our marriage. This woman was a “trust-fund baby” and had money! So she lied to me about the affair so she wouldn’t get sued! We live in North Carolina. I wish now I would have pursued thi Law, just to see what the outcome would have been. I strongly feel that if this Law was publicized more and everyone knew about it, that they would think twice before cheating. But, if they don’t have anything to lose, it wouldn’t matter to them. These are my views. My ex ending up marrying another woman and she and I are friends now. She calls me “Thelma” and I call her “Louise” because I helped her spy on him so she could catch him cheating again! We are “Wife In-Laws” now!! I have helped her deal with this and she has told me a lot of things he revealed to her about what he did during our marriage, that makes sense to me now. I would highly recommend talking to the ex of any man, to find out what you can about him, prior to marrying him! As they say, if he cheats once, he’ll do it again!! Cheating is bad for everyone involved and the laws should be stricter on this “crime” because it destroys so many lives, especially the children’s. P.S. But, I am happier now without him!!

  36. Darrell says:

    Ladies,

    Before you call those of us who were having to cheat, cowards, you need to look at yourselves in a mirror! We men did not marry to abstain from sex, and if we’re denied our affections like I was over a period of several years, I looked elsewhere for my needs to be met and once I had a place to go I went and filed for divorce. My first wife was a rape victim and I always had to wait for her and I found out she was sleeping around, and I told her I couldn’t take this anymore and I wanted out of the marriage. My second wife took norplant denying me any more children except for my only son and I felt this was wrong and I felt it was time to make some changes. My wife I had gained over 50 pounds and completely let herself go and didn’t care about herself, me or our son and then had the nerve to falsely accuse me of child abuse. I feel that if a woman won’t give her man the time of day or the affection he deserves, then he has the right to seek another woman for comfort period. I did without long enough and found someone who would meet my needs.

  37. Karen says:

    We were married 42 years. We celebrated our 40th anniv. in Hawaii and it was fantastic . We did everything – snorkeling – parasailing – horseback riding on the
    beach – it was romantic and fun. I thought I really know how two become one.
    We were there for each other during our marriage- in fact a few years before-I thought I had cancer (Thank God it wasn’t) and he could hardly function he was so upset.We have two adopted children and 7 grandchildren. He was a devoted dad and grandfather. His secretary -who was also mairied and a grandmother had an affair. I found out and of course he denied it. We had a messy divorce – he still denied it, but cell phone records and all said differently. Then she divorced and they moved in together .Seral years later they are getting married next month. I understand what they said –
    he’s not the same person – in fact during an argument I asked him -who are you and what did you do with my husband? At the same time my divorce was final-
    my Mom passed away – I found out I had colon cancer (had surgery – and all is well) He never contacted me about Mom or during my surgery. Our daughter is very upset – feels like he divorced all of us and doesn’t see her or the grandkids that much but does see hers alot. I can’t understand how someone can change that much!! He hasn’t a clue that she used him to better herself- she knew he was married and he knew she was they couldn’t care lessHe used to be a person of integrity and had morals. I guess you just never know. I just don’t get it. We met senior year in HS and the night after our first date I knew I wanted to marry him PS she can’t even swim and that’s one of his favorite things! ha

  38. donna says:

    The law should be used, and it should not be so difficult to obtain funds from the stalker. My husband was stalked, he had a great case, but stupidly fell for the garden utensil. Oh my at the things I found out they’d done, and SHE was married as well. Both of them down talking me and the garden utensil’s husband in order to make sure the other one knew they were available for s*x. My husband got owned though, he tried to deny it, snickered in my face, even told me I needed counseling, and he’d back me 100% — isnt’ that sweet. Well, I said a prayer “God, if it’s your will, I need to know the truth”! Guess what? At 2 am that very morning, my husband’s phone accidentally called mine, and my phone (these are cell phones) recorded everything :) This started happening on a daily basis, I could hear him and her talking. UGH! Then, I found her undergarments in our family van. My hubby has such nerve, that he had this dirtbag call me on the phone!! Yes he did. She and I had a “nice” conversation, mostly her lying her rear off “I didn’t know he was married”. And I told her “but I know YOU’RE married”. hehehehe. So, if your husband gets stalked, it’s such a game to some rusty garden utensil, sue the crap outta her, heck yes. The Court should make them pay support, because honies, I found out with a quickness, that man who swore you were the best thing he’s ever had, will leave you with NOTHING.

  39. Lee Ann Folder says:

    I am in the middle of a divorce brought on by an old girlfriend looking my husband up on Facebook. The end of February she found him; 1 week later I discovered that they had been talking as my husband tried to hide a cell phone call he received from her. Looking in his emails I found friendly emails “Hi, good to hear from you.” on day 1 to “Can’t wait to meet you, see you, hold you.” on Day 5. When confronted, my husband denied all. I wrote the “other” woman asking her to honor our marriage commitment and to stay away from my husband. She did not. They met for the first time in a hotel room on March 23 and the Thursday after Easter (March 11) my husband asked for a divorce so that he could be with his “lost” love. I have evidence that she went after him even though she knew he was married. In IL we still have the Alienation of Affection law on the books but no lawyer that I talk to will take the case as it is just considered a nuisance lawsuit. I want so badly to bring this affair out into the light of day so that her family and friends will know that she sought out my husband and knowingly broke up my marriage. I don’t care if I don’t get a dime for it. I just want to hear her admit what she did and for everyone to know that we weren’t divorcing when they met as I suspect they are telling people. Her family needs to know what sort of person she is and they also need to know what sort of person she has hooked her wagon to. He is a habitual liar and nothing he says is truthful. And even though he is this way, our marriage at the time of their getting re-acquainted was happy. I think this law should be in all 50 states and should be used as frequently as is necessary to curb men and women from setting their sights on married spouses.

  40. LindaRH says:

    Yes, Dr Phil, I think a revival of this law would make some people pause. If you’re tempted to cheat, and hurting your spouse, catching an STD, ruining your family and reputation isn’t enough, maybe this will be what makes you cool your jets.

  41. Yvonne Dillon says:

    Dr. Phil, thank you for having this show because 1. we do need a morally sensed nation 2. We do need to remind men and women that they are principles of right from wrong, ethical moral, integrity, and dignity.
    Ms. Shackelford and Ms. Jenny Sanford’s case showed just that. I too divorced my ex after 28 years of marriage but I waited my youngerest daughter turned to 18. He lied about his affair with the woman who’s 30 years junior and same age as my olderest daughter’s age.
    My four children accepted their father’s affair and marriage with this woman and new baby. Whether it’s a pretention or true feeling, they never showed any moral sense about their father’s affair, lies, and twisted messeges about almost everything.
    I did meet my loving soulmate and husband after the divorce. He extended his love to all my kids and even offered financial support to my daughter. He has been there for me and my friends whenever there’s a need.

  42. Dalia35 says:

    When I saw the show ,I realized that I wasn’t along. Three years and half, my ex-husband decided to left my two boys and me for a marry woman, that he meet in a karate school,where my two son was taking classes. She saw me with him and my boys,I talked to her and I saw her with her husband and her son too. And then the next think I know ,one day after coming back from bury my mom (I was in P.R.), my older son,(9 yrs old ) told me that they are kissing. When I confront him he didn’t denied.He say the same thing that they old say,”I dont love you anymore”,”I am in love of this woman”,he didn’t think in the boys,we even make love the night before I found out,no sign that he was cheating on me.But the good thing is that after marry her a month after our divorce,three year later now is getting divorce again, because ,people thing that the sex,passion and fantasy never is going to end ,but everything go back to a normal live. The reality is that everything get old. This world is full of selfish people that don’t belief in God and they just think in thenself and they don’t care to whom they can hurt as soon are satisfied ,that what count. When you do something that is wrong in this world you pay here. I am very happy now with my two boys. I don’t think that I will trust again, I think I learn my lesson after been marry for 11 yrs. I admire all the woman that will be able to survive and go with our life.I know that it can happen to man too,because the reality is that in this world today the mayority of the people doesnt have any respect for others.

  43. Uggh, I have serious problems with this. Why is she not suing the ex again perhaps? This is insanity. We would never see these kinds of lawsuits in Canada. I suppose it is proof that there are still several other laws out there that are forgotten about and people will still use. I mean seriously? Does this woman think she is actually going to get money? What will that solve anyway?

  44. VickeB says:

    Dr. Phil:
    Thanks for the interviews. I have been contemplating having my husband and his mistress (my former best friend) arrested. It is a $250 fine in Virgina but the humiliation would be worth it to me for her. I have been married 22 years and when I found out I was devasted. My husband had us promise divorce would never be an option and affairs were out of the question.

    15 years ago this woman moved in as a neighbor with 2 girls a little older than my daughter. We became friends and did lots of things togehter. She was going through a divorce and for the next 15 years raised her daughters,never dated but had eyes for mine. I even told him dozens of times she had feelings for him, he he didn’t find her attractive, not his type.

    But now they have matching tatoos that say “soulmate” in chinese ( i was told his said red dragon and didn’t know about hers until I found out about the affair. She stepped in to be there for him behind my back because he was dealing with his mothers alcholism and as a LPN she thought she could help because she had a brother who drank until he dies. I was told he was going to Al-Anon meetings.

    Now I know that fishing trips, movies, trips to Lowes and meetings were a decoy.
    He can’t tell the truth anymore and after marriage councelling and more he has now moved in with her because he ran out of hotel money. He spent $6000 since Jauary on dinners for them and his hotel room.

    I would have tried anything to win him back because until I found the evidence that I wasn’t even looking for, I thought I was loved and adored like always.
    Now after thoughts of sucide, depression still raging and our daughter of 20 reverting back to child like I find myself still very much in love with him. I have trouble hatng him because I know she opened the door even though he said he started it. He was “in Love” with 2 women.

    Now I live in our home, with our daughter, paying the bills, working, trying to cope, no one to be here with me, no affection,or anything else I was used too because he has given it to her. I have been trying to get him to sign a Property settlement agreement for 3 months but he has excuses. I think he wants the marriage just in case. He is not happy, he now stays sick, even has Bells Palsy, is living in a 2 bedroom apartment with 1 bath, cats he allergic too and her 2 grown daughters. He visits his daughter for around 2 hours a week when before he doted on her.

    How do I moe on when he won’t let me? I am married, not divorced and I won’t date, or anything because I don’t believe in others out of marriage. I don’t feel I can ever trust again, much less marry. I work, come home, watch TV, talk with my daughter if she wants, and then go to bed, sad and hurt everyday.

    I was a happy person who trusted everybody, loved life and was super involved with my family. Now I don’t care, I don’t even want to make new friends because of her. My biggest regret is that I didn’t call off the friendship when I first noticed her eyeing him. I have more than enought evidence to bury them and he even admiited the affairs in writing, to his attorney and others.

    If she’s his soulmate then why won’t he let me go? How do I hate someone who has detroyed me when all I see is the man I married and loved? Many questions, just no answrs.

    Thanks for listening to anyone who reads this.

    Once loved,
    Vickie

  45. Beccy Hinkel says:

    If anyone is being sued under this law shouldn’t the husband be the one? Not that he’s alienating his own affections as this particular law is for but any other woman can’t do anything that a husband/man isn’t willing to do anyway. The other woman didn’t FORCE him to not love his wife, to have an affair, to be with anyone other than who he choose to be with. I always wonder why women are each other’s best friends and worst enemies.

  46. Aussiemum says:

    I don’t think bringing back a law like that would make any difference. It takes two to tango and a man can’t be lured into infidelity unless they want to be. In response to Darryll, who said women had themselves to blame for their partners’ infidelity, there is NO excuse for being unfaithful. If you aren’t getting what you need from a relationship then leave it before pursuing something else. I found out three months after my partner and I moved in together that he cheated on me several times with at least two different women while I was pregnant with our daughter. He is now facing a court ordered paternity test to find out if he is the father of a little girl who is five months younger than our daughter. His excuse for cheating was that I was living 4 hours away from him and he couldn’t see me every weekend. His selfishness not only hurt me, it put mine and our daughter’s health at risk because he had unprotected sex. If it was just for sexual gratification he could have masturbated and if he really wanted sex he could have driven the four hours. I have forgiven him and we are still together, but I will never forget what he did and it has taken over a year for me to trust that he won’t do it again. Although at least one of the women he cheated with knew that he was in a relationship, what would be the point in blaming her for älienating his affections”? She wouldn’t have been able to if he wasn’t willing.

  47. Patti says:

    I am in the same place as the 2 women on the show. For those who say the husband is 100% responsible, that’s how I felt at first. Over time, as I discovered events and details, it became more and more apparent this woman targeted him and manipulated every avenue possible. If she stole my car instead of my husband and family, she’d be in jail. If she and my husband scarred my body the way they have scarred my heart, they’d both be in jail. And if it was a business contract instead of a marriage contract, there would be more severe legal consequences for my husband. Instead, she will be rewarded with companionship and a wealthier lifestyle for her immoral actions, funded by my 30 years of devotion and work. The price for their selfish actions will be paid by my children who lost the father they knew, my family who considered my husband a son and brother, and his family who considered me a daughter and sister, as well as myself. Turns out she enjoys gambling, and this is a gamble for her with nothing to lose and everything to win. The law should be in place in every state for every person who knowingly gets involved for with a married person – you play, you pay, period. Then it wouldn’t cost so much to sue and collect, and consequently be more enforceable.

    Vickie, I understand how you feel; instead of seeing the man he is now and hating him, when I look at him I can only see the man I married and love. I don’t know how to reconcile those feelings either.

    Darrell, you have no responsibility to stay in a marriage you don’t want to be in, but you do have a responsibility to the person you have already promised to honor and respect. That means you end the marriage BEFORE you look to have your needs met elsewhere. You said “once I had a place to go I went and filed for divorce”. Did you give your wife the same opportunity for a soft landing?

  48. Aimee says:

    I completely agree with the alienation of affection laws and I feel that they should be back on the books. I myself am going through this same situation. My husband and I were never separated and were jointly raising our daughter as I was pregnant with our second baby. My husband made an extremely damaging decision to have an affair. The affair was kept a secret until the “other women” ended up pregnant. I dont need to be told by other viewers that it took two. I am very well aware. My husband is now sober and extremely remorseful for his choices. We are both in counseling and very involved in our local church. It is not a pass or a get out of jail free card for him. We have decided to fight for our marriage and our family. He everyday has to look at his wife and his children and remember what terrible decisions he has made. He has ruined relationships with my family which I dread are blown apart forever. When people say that it takes two to tango…what about that other women. My husband will forever have to deal with the consequences of his actions. The other women should just be able to walk and act like she had no part in nearly destroying a family? She was well aware that he was married with a child and one on the way. There should absolutely be consequences for being a home wrecker. Maybe if morally you are unable to carry yourself with some class, respect and dignity….maybe you can legally. The law cant change your soul but maybe it can influence your decisions so that you cant ruin other people lives while you choose to self destruct.

  49. kcgrandma says:

    The law is really outdated. If someone is “happily married” they will not have an affair. I have been on all sides of the issue. You can’t control everything in life. The only thing you truly have control over is yourself.

  50. SheilaKay says:

    I think the law should be in all states. I found out my husband of 17 years and 4 beautiful children later was having an affair. He got a message from an old girlfriend from when he was 14 years on classmates in January of 09. I read the messages because after finding out i did my investigating and ran across them. They were harmless!! They just asked about each others life, family, jobs. Then I get to the one where they exchange email addresses. He had changed his password so I couldnt get into them to read his mail. I found where they had started talking on phone all hours of night and texting constantly for days at a time. I was devastated! The worse part of all of this is I never had a clue anything was wrong. My daughter 16 years old at the time was the one who uncovered this affair and now she feels very guilty for helping bring out what destroyed our family. This other woman was a school teacher and married to her husband for 25 years with their first grandbaby being born. I confronted him in June 09 and the war was on. We tried working it out all summer he kept stating that he wanted to fix things. But in all reality he wasnt. He almost lost his job because he no longer used his personal cell phone to talk to her he was using his work phone and ran up a huge bill. The mistress paid it I was told, but I am not sure. After his affair was out his paycheck was no longer mine in his eyes. I went thru a depression and until about december all i did was think about my marriage. I never thought that someone like myself would ever marry and have children but to have 4 and be married for so long was impossible in my eyes. I was totally dependent on this man. Being a stay at home mom, I had no career yet alone a way to take care of 4 children. For months I begged him to just stay with us to help raise our children which he supposedly loves very much but he couldnt.

    To make a very long story short…. I have filed for divorce within the last 2 weeks and have child support court set up and he is scared to death! But the thing I don’t get is how a school teacher who works with children everyday and sees it all when it comes to children and how these things affect them would go into an affair and destroy a family! I could never! I have not been able to get this woman to come talk to me not on phone, email or anything. So I feel there will not be closure till I can tell her what I think of her. I know eventually I will get over it, but my children won’t!!!! They love their father very much but they were betrayed too!

    They now live together and he hasn’t even had a chance to even get a divorce going! I fully intend on checking into this law in my state and going for it. Not for the money, just for my children and myself to feel that we got justice… Nothing will replace their father, but to have this woman held accountable for her actions will be of some comfort to us all! Call me bitter, but he has put me thru too much to feel any different at the current moment. He still calls me and wants to have phone sex and wants me to send him pictures of my breasts to see what he is missing. He is definately not the man I married anymore, but I still love him! How can I feel that way?

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