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May 20th, 2010 by Dr. Phil

Loose Girls? Or Confused Girls?

TooYoungTooFastOn Friday’s show, we’re going to have a very frank and sometimes startling conversation about teenage girls and the reasons they are deciding to have sex.  I think you’ll be surprised at some of the things the girls say, including how so many of them see sex as no big deal.

The facts are what they are: this generation of teenage of girls is certainly becoming sexually active younger and faster than their moms.

If you’re a parent of a teenage girl, I can’t tell you whether you should watch this show with your child. That’s up for you to decide. But I do hope you’ll watch the show, because we will be working through some very difficult issues. We will, for instance, talk about how parents can better communicate to their daughters the consequences of teenage sex, about disease and pregnancy, and the total sense of devastation that they may feel when they realize that the teenage boys they are with don’t tend to stick around. It’s clear some disconnect has taken place between parents and their children over the subject of sex — and I want to help fix that.

But having said all that, let me throw you parents a question. Should you tell your children about your own past sex life? Do you think you should be absolutely honest with your kids about what you experienced? Do you think such a conversation will encourage them to open up and talk to you about what they are going through?

You might be surprised to hear me say that there are a lot of things we just don’t need to share with our kids. There are, for instance, mistakes that I made growing up that I still haven’t shared with my sons — and I’m still not going to talk about them, because I don’t want my boys to say, “Well, you know, he did that, and he turned out OK, so I guess I’ll go do that, too.”

What do you think? Do you think I’m off base? I want to hear your response. This issue is way too important to ignore.

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111 Responses to “Loose Girls? Or Confused Girls?”

  1. Ed Hays says:

    It is a fact that sexual attraction is second to hunger. Especially for men in the early years of their life. After 55 or so we guys come to our senses and wonder just what in the heck we were thinking back in those 12 to 19 years old school days.
    I stayed out of trouble because I did not want my parents to think poorly of me. This covers drinking as well as all other negative behaviors.
    I have found that the kids who did darn well for themselves had parents who cared more for them than their jobs, social events, etc. You know what I mean, the loved child standsa so much better chance of being successful than the neglected children of all economic levels and over all races.

  2. Vulpine says:

    Why is it always about the girls? For every “loose” girl out there how many “loose” boys are there? Why does it seem like all the moral responsibility in society falls on women to act right? When are men or boys to be held accountable for their sexual exploits of women and girls? When are ignorant Fathers going to quit passing on the legacy of “boys will be boys”? Why are girls deemed to be sluts and made fun of while boys are just going through some rite of passage? If boys don’t learn how to respect girls when they are young (and not just be afraid of getting a disease or getting her pregnant) when are they supposed to learn it?? Does no one on Dr. Phil’s show believe that they can change the male mind set, therefore women just have to learn how to protect themselves starting as girls? No one said life was fair, but that just sucks!

  3. Jami-Lynn says:

    This is a problem with boys too, not just girls…but not all teenagers who know about their parents’ sexual past is affected. i mean, i know about MY parents’ sexual past and i didn’t do the same thing..i mean…i will be 18 years old in november and i am still holdin on to my first kiss and savin it for my weddin day…God created us with free will and every individual is unique on how they look at things and what they think is ok and what is not…some teens don’t find anything wrong with it and some do but lack self control….it depends on who you are….but if there wasn’t so much sex all around them, then maybe they could have more self control. you can’t even turn on the TV because even commercials advertise things very provocatively….even chewin gum commercials. and look at billboards and magazine covers and most movies. People are half dressed and sometimes not dressed at all. i think society has just desensitized our generation.

  4. yvonne says:

    having three young girls this scares me i started young but have learned and hope i can teach my girls the rite things to do and not to do

  5. Winnie says:

    I concur with what Lynn is syaing that boys also have similar problems but for sure girl;s are vulnerable in many ways. In the first place they may get unwanted pregnance when actually their bodies are still weak to handle. They may be chucked by the very boys who use them because most of their decisions are still childish and both of them may not be able to cater for the results of such consequences. This may make them loose trust in men and end up failing to get better families and future. They may share only one common problem of getting aids but all the same, these young girls are at a disadvantage as they may be shy or excited to ensure that they have atleast protected sex.

  6. Laurie Gordon says:

    I know that because of my own family dynamics I went looking for love and acceptance in ALL THE WRONG PLACES when I was in high school. My two precious daughters will not know that history of mine (it is none of their business and will benefit them in no way!) And…I REVEL in the close, loving relationship that my husband has with his two daughters, as I know this relationship, along with my own supportive loving one with my girls, will make us a TOUGH ACT TO FOLLOW for any adolescent boy looking to “score”! Parents, its the simple antidote to any number of societal problems today: Accept, love and embrace those precious gifts God gave to you, and they won’t be looking for it anywhere else! It is such a privilege to be a parent, but it doesn’t stop when birth happens, it is just the beginning and Parenting is a Verb! Needs to be done daily! My dosage: One dose daily with lots of love!!!!



  8. Karen says:

    Can’t wait to watch your show on Friday. This is exactly what my husband and I are going through with our 13 year old daughter and don’t have a clue how to handle it. We have tried several things and nothing seems to be helping. We are desperate for some help and some answers. Her grades are awful in school, she is constantly on the computer or texting, hanging out with her friends, smoking marijuana, drinking, smoking cigarettes, having oral sex with all the neighborhood boys. I don’t know where her head is at and am so afraid the next thing will be sex and a pregnancy that neither she nor I am ready for. We have open communication with her but she doesn’t seem to care what we think or how we feel about what she is doing. Please help us Dr. Phil.

  9. Debbie says:

    I agree with Dr. Phil. There are some things we just do not need to share with our kids regarding our own experiences and mistakes. Many things are very different today. The sexual revolution has gotten us nowhere- neither has the feminist movement. All we have to show for it are broken families and broken children.

  10. Carla says:

    My daughter is getting married soon and she saved her first kiss for the day her boyfriend proposed. He did the same. They talk about their boundaries and just kissing, hugging and holding hands is what they do. She is 23 and he is 26. If we start early with our kids and tell them to wait, many will wait. I am so proud of these young people and the stand they have taken. It seems like we are not humans anymore but mindless animals without any self control. Sexual behavior is something we can control right? I think parents have lost their influence with their kids. They go anywhere, do anything and watch anything. I have a 19 yr. old son, a 16 yr. old daughter and a 4 yr. old boy. I want them to enjoy friends, school, college, and their social life without the complications of sex. My hope and prayer is that they will also wait until marriage to have sex. God Bless.

  11. Sally says:

    I agree completely. Some parents choose to tell their children way to much about their early sexual experiences. We need to start to listen better to them and understand what it means to make such a big decision and for what reason. Try to be less of the fun parent and more of the type that helps to raise our girls confidence and inner strength so they are not seeking intimacy and sex to replace what they can learn to give themselves.

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