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May 20th, 2010 by Dr. Phil

Loose Girls? Or Confused Girls?

TooYoungTooFastOn Friday’s show, we’re going to have a very frank and sometimes startling conversation about teenage girls and the reasons they are deciding to have sex.  I think you’ll be surprised at some of the things the girls say, including how so many of them see sex as no big deal.

The facts are what they are: this generation of teenage of girls is certainly becoming sexually active younger and faster than their moms.

If you’re a parent of a teenage girl, I can’t tell you whether you should watch this show with your child. That’s up for you to decide. But I do hope you’ll watch the show, because we will be working through some very difficult issues. We will, for instance, talk about how parents can better communicate to their daughters the consequences of teenage sex, about disease and pregnancy, and the total sense of devastation that they may feel when they realize that the teenage boys they are with don’t tend to stick around. It’s clear some disconnect has taken place between parents and their children over the subject of sex — and I want to help fix that.

But having said all that, let me throw you parents a question. Should you tell your children about your own past sex life? Do you think you should be absolutely honest with your kids about what you experienced? Do you think such a conversation will encourage them to open up and talk to you about what they are going through?

You might be surprised to hear me say that there are a lot of things we just don’t need to share with our kids. There are, for instance, mistakes that I made growing up that I still haven’t shared with my sons — and I’m still not going to talk about them, because I don’t want my boys to say, “Well, you know, he did that, and he turned out OK, so I guess I’ll go do that, too.”

What do you think? Do you think I’m off base? I want to hear your response. This issue is way too important to ignore.

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111 Responses to “Loose Girls? Or Confused Girls?”

  1. L.A. MikeTheSkeptic says:

    love is a fact of life. but so is lust. and the two do not necessarily correspond, and that goes for females as well as males.

    i have the distinct impression that dr. phil, at bottom, is a religious and social conservative who believes that sex without the “sanctity” of marriage is a “moral failing” and a “spritual danger.”

    I, on the other hand, believe in biology, Darwin, science, reason, and evidence unencumbered and uncorrupted by religious dogma and arbitrary “moral” authority. And Darwinian biology states that men and women both need to “get some” every so often. It has been shown to be essential for health, as a matter of fact. True, teens are sometimes (or often) foolish, but i believe they should not only receive comprehensive sex education, (all pros and all cons, especially safety considerations) but also, dare i say it, comprehensive contraception.

    Wake up to the 21st century, dr. phil. Those of us with eyes to see have awakened to a new age of reason and skepticism. And tell Heartland America to wake up with you. To do otherwise is to make the U.S.A. backward and uncompetitive, nay, superstitious. Europe, at present, is culturally light-years ahead of us already. And, like it or not, we are now in a one-world community, and no amount of traditionalism is going to turn back the clock at this point.

    But then, I am a skeptic, a Unitarian, a liberal (gasp!), and an advocate of science and logic. Freethinker to the core. And damned proud of it all, as proud of my point of view as any Baptist could be of his point of view.

    The difference, i believe, is that my point of view is backed up by evidence, not dogma and prayer.

  2. Natasha says:

    I disagree that Dr. Phil will have archaic views on teenage sexuality. Just because he has a southern accent, does not mean he’s a redneck. He is a VERY open minded and rational individual, and I am very interested to see what he has to say.

    Just because we are wired to be sexual at a young age, does not necessitate that we will be equally mature emotionally. We evolved to become this way before the modern world of school and work, and long lives we so commonly have now. Sometimes it is in one’s best interest to wait or at least hold off on every sexual urge in order to stay away from the long-term emotional hurdles it can cause for so many emotionally immature teenagers.

  3. MLH says:

    Although I too believe in education and contraception if needed as L.A. MikeTheSkeptic has stated, I don’t think he’s answered the question at all. What does “culturally light-years ahead of us” mean? Communicating to teen girls about the value of their own bodies and the fact that they can choose to say yes or no is what we should be concerned about.

  4. Kim Peterson says:

    We started young and desired to raise our children to avoid the hardships that we now “see” we brought on our selves. It has not been easy being teen parents but we have managed the tough times as well as the good. Teenagers have a mind of their own- no matter how much you teach, preach, sit on insitll good values, let them go, give, give, give to them, they will ultimately CHOOSE their own path-good bad or indifferent not caring or considering whom hey may hurt in the process. YOU say guys get what they want and move on what about the girls that are playing that same game and seein how many “notches” they can get in their belt??

  5. L.A. MikeTheSkeptic says:

    Natasha says:
    May 20, 2010 at 8:27 pm
    I disagree that Dr. Phil will have archaic views on teenage sexuality. Just because he has a southern accent, does not mean he’s a redneck. He is a VERY open minded and rational individual, and I am very interested to see what he has to say.

    Just because we are wired to be sexual at a young age, does not necessitate that we will be equally mature emotionally. We evolved to become this way before the modern world of school and work, and long lives we so commonly have now. Sometimes it is in one’s best interest to wait or at least hold off on every sexual urge in order to stay away from the long-term emotional hurdles it can cause for so many emotionally immature teenagers.

    hi natasha,
    true, as a psychologist, he is a man of science, but his science seems to be colored by what i suspect is a very religious attitude.

    and no, i do not think he is a “redneck,” whatever THAT stereotype is supposed to mean. but i do draw the line when any arbitrary “morality” makes science take a back seat of any kind.

    as for being “mature” in the teen years–yes, i do think that teens need guidance (hence my saying that they need to be exposed to all the positives and negatives about sexuality), but at the same time i think we adults tend to sell their opinions short. They have pretty sharp minds, and i for one am still an enthusiastic proponent of a voting age of 18–i would like to know if Dr. Phil has the same opinion on this issue or not.

    when i was a teenager, nothing made my blood boil hotter than having my intelligence insulted, and nothing made me angrier than being condescended to. I am 58 years old now, and i still feel this way. I think it is time to take teens and their opinions seriously–i think we are obligated to respect them that much.

    as for “holding off”, “waiting”, and “resisting every sexual urge”–good luck. The very evolutionary process you and i have both cited will, i”ll bet cash money, win out about 95% of the time. it is time to accommidate Mother Nature, and live in harmony with her, at long last.

    as for teenage boys not sticking by their girlfriends–i don’t know the stats (perhaps Dr. Phil can enlighten me on that), but my own highschool rememberances teach me (admittedly in an anecdotal fashion) that this was not the case–not with me, not with my friends. i knew quite a number of males back at William Howard Taft High who were quite devoted to their girlfriends, through thick and thin.

    And emotional maturity? Teens have to learn heartbreak sometime. I suspect with the strongest feeling possible that none of us ever really grow up. Perhaps I am being overly cynical, but the record of world history and its wars is proof enough, i believe, of our essential infantalism, no matter what our age. and you know what? Evolutionary psychology supports this view, as do recent advances in brain biology.

  6. L.A. MikeTheSkeptic says:

    Kim Peterson said:
    YOU say guys get what they want and move on what about the girls that are playing that same game and seein how many “notches” they can get in their belt??

    hi Kim,
    Truer words were never spoken. Those who think that females are the “innocents”, “injured parties”, or the “weaker sex” (and Dr. Phil seems to be among those who think this way) need a crash course attending a tennis game or swim meet with male contestants competing, or attend a ballet, or a gymnastics meet, sit next to some females (especially the TEENAGE females), and eavesdrop on their comments about the male bodies on display. I guarantee it will be an earful. Girls can be quite a lusty bunch, can’t they?

    Chivalry (and Dr. Phil seems to be a very chivalrous person) is fine, and an excellent attribute, but there comes a time when a girl will say to her boyfriend, “So when are we going to bed together?” When I lost my virginity, my girlfriend initiated it. I was nervous as a cat. She pulled me through it all. And I thank her for that to this day. So much for the “weaker sex.”

  7. sandra says:

    A Basis for Morals and Values
    Sadly, the trend of science as practiced by some today seems to undermine morality, values, and standards. Biologist Richard Dawkins, who rejects the idea of God, stated: “In a universe of blind physical forces and genetic replication, some people are going to get hurt, other people are going to get lucky, and you won’t find any rhyme or reason in it, nor any justice.” Do you find that a rather grim view of the world? Don’t you think that human society needs a moral code that rewards good behavior and punishes wrongdoing?
    Here we find a critical difference between the Bible’s view of humanity and atheistic evolution’s view. God’s Word stresses that humans hold a special place in creation; evolution suggests that humans are the accidental product of blind natural processes. The Bible explains that humans are made in the image of a just and loving God and are able to live moral and good lives; evolution, with its emphasis on the struggle to survive, is at a loss to explain the human qualities of love and altruism.
    Evolution cannot offer any real hope or purpose. The Bible offers the Creator’s grand purpose for our future. He has clearly declared his intent: “I will bless you with a future filled with hope.”—Jeremiah 29:11, Contemporary English Version

  8. FosterBoys says:

    1. “Loose girls? Or confused girls?” — Wow. That tag is making my brain hurt.

    2. I don’t think you’re off-base in not wanting to tell your sons about everything you’ve ever done. But which is the reason — because you don’t want them to emulate you or because it’s none of their business?

    3. “This issue is way too important to ignore.” Why? And who said that anyone was ignoring it before you started talking about it? You don’t talk about responsible, adult marijuana use. Are you ignoring it or is it just not relevant to you?
    I truly mean no offense when I say that. It’s your show. You talk about things that are important to you because you want them to be important to us.

  9. JaneDoberman says:

    Mike you speak to my skeptic heart.

    I think it is very important to include all views, positive and negative, in sex education. Understanding the biological element separate from the morality assigned to sex is absolutely necessary. However, it is also so very important to understand that the consequences of sexual behavior do not just include possible pregnancy and stds but also social ramifications.

    Not everyone views sex as natural and benign of dogma. further, despite this or maybe because of this sex can complicate the emotions and worth teenagers place on themselves. this will ripple into how they view themselves and ultimately into their adult lives. maybe sex education should be taught in high schools in the context of sociology as well as biology so that students can make informed decisions based on all possible consequences of their choices.

    i hope dr. phil will address what seems to be a statistically significant trend of high teen pregnancy in areas and schools where abstinence only ‘education’ is promoted. and i also have “faith” that he will not treat sex with teenagers as a moral issue but rather as another reckless behavior all frontal lobe challenged human beings face. their thoughts do matter, though, mike! i agree about that too. im 25, is my frontal lobe all done growing up? i wonder this…

  10. JaneDoberman says:

    Now to answer Dr. Phil’s question… I am a daughter and a mom. I would characterize my parenting style as authoritative- i am not my children’s best friend, nor am I their dictator. I am benevolent though. My mom certainly did not share all of her mistakes to me as a child and I am glad for that. She was very open about sex education and I in return was very forthcoming about my views as well. Lucky for her I was so afraid to kiss anyone through high school that I never gave her heartache about it. Likewise but not similarly lucky for me I have boys- and i only say lucky because I don’t see the stigma attached to sex for boys the way I do for girls. I don’t see why a parent should have to reveal their own mistakes while educating their children unless you can show how damaging the consequences have been or how hard is was to get past it. Really you know your child best and you will know how best to open up that dialogue. The problem is the dialogue I think. Parents need to be educated on the culture their children are living and how to instill a desire for respect not just popularity. Mike is right that there is an urge. so i say encourage self-stimulation until you are emotionally ready to tackle a relationship that involves sex, until you are emotionally ready to take on the strong opinions people will have in response to it, and until you are ready to deal with the actual not theoretical success rate of contraceptives (which i know increases dramatically with education but is still not 100%).

  11. GREAT WORK DR. PHIL! Until schools wise up and begin EMOTIONAL AND LIFE SKILL EDUCATION K-12 plus Freshman year college DAILY class of age appropriate social issues you will keep wising us all up with the cold hard facts. It is redundant for so many to have to learn by experience since parents cannot teach what they have not learned and schools don’t. Yet easily could with role playing and viewing of shows like yours today etc. and THE DOCTORS youth & teen related shows and reading of books such as your LOVE SMART, Robin’s INSIDE MY HEART and Jay McGraw’s books for teens, i.e., “CLOSING THE GAP”.

    An English teacher told me that women confuse sex with love. To some degree true that if a man at any age whether sincere or not says “I love you” the “gates to sexual paradise opened”. Irresponsible sex and/or pregnancies are NOT love or loving oneself, another or a child since more than entertainment the very possible outcome of irresponsible sexual activity is a pregnancy and/or STD. A psychology teacher, Mrs. Hix, in college at 7777 S. May in OKC told class that many confuse passion for love and that’s why often persons hop from relationship to relationship since intense passion lasts about 9 months.

    Think about it… the natural mechanisms to nest for women that occur when sexually active and the natural mucho macho in men meant to provide for family are all out of sync for what nature intended to nurture and provide for family. (We’ve turned eating and sex into entertainment…) Sexually promiscuous men confuse the mucho macho(ness) feelings nature provided to nurture family with being a stud. The term stud has a more mucho macho connotation than the sleazy terms used for female counterparts’ sexual promiscuity. Nonetheless the same less all the faddish romanticizing: Sexual Promiscuity. It is what it is and that’s how it is in reality.

    Irresponsible sex is hard on everyone as we’ve seen on THE DR. PHIL FAMILY with Alexandra & Erin et al. Any teen that gets put off cleaning her/his room just imagine 18 years of you mother and sister trying to upstage you and letting you know at EVERY opportunity how much you ruined your and their lives. How would you like to be the children in that toxic nightmare with everyone cringing up faces like “Oh no! Your pregnant!”

    Wouldn’t, ladies and gentlemen, you rather be like Erica McGraw and Jay McGraw and your pregnancy be a celebration of true love? Doesn’t your child deserve responsible behavior? Don’t you and all involved deserve responsible behavior to yield a better outcome? There are responsible teens and sexually irresponsible adults so I’m not age profiling here. Detrimental behavior is detrimental whoever does and whenever done…

    I’m not sure “I love you” a necessary component required by young ladies for irresponsible teen sexual activity is as much the case now with young ladies buying into being “sexy” is so hip.

    Plus, you have the Starr Report factor that made guys begin pressuring young ladies for oral sex and Rainbow Parties… Tacking on a catchy & hip name to romanticize doesn’t make any less risky & irresponsible behavior. The same reasoning you gave, Dr. Phil, that you don’t share everything because, as you said, “Well, you know, he did that, and he turned out OK, so I guess I’ll go do that, too.” Is a valid and true statement of common sense that isn’t as common anymore.

    On cold nights at a University Medical Center, a security guard studying to be a doctor sat behind reception area with me during my midnight to 8 a.m. shift once told me his opinion was… “Men lie to ladies that they love them because of the draft or because plan to join the military and want to experience all they can in case they die while serving in the military.” That’s a pretty driving force for guys to live in the fast lane and, also, for young ladies to give in for the same reasons whatif(itis). What if he doesn’t return?

    When I was in high school, before DNA tests, quite a few guys made the “I love you” if it gets me to first base rounds before high tailing it out of Dodge to join the military with no forwarding address. Then, you have the females I saw on a documentary who piggyback off the backs of babes to get out of the house and onto welfare PLUS collect funds from men under the table too. I think Texas has the highest multiple teen pregnancies.

    It is like being cool being “sexy” (promiscuous) has replaced smoking in a lot of instances with the new hot topic not being who is smoking in the bathroom and who is going at it like dogs on the dance floor prom night. Definitely a dose of reality taking the hipness and “glamour” out of our of being “sexy” IS needed when instead IS sexual irresponsibleness. You aren’t more mature when you smoke or have sex as a teen… and both are risky behavior in want of a more mature, responsible response rather than reaction to Johnny come lately trends trying to fit in leading to behavior unbefitting a lady or gentleman at any age. Sincerely, SEA

  12. L.A. MikeTheSkeptic says:

    Sandra says:

    A Basis for Morals and Values
    Sadly, the trend of science as practiced by some today seems to undermine morality, values, and standards. Biologist Richard Dawkins, who rejects the idea of God, stated: “In a universe of blind physical forces and genetic replication, some people are going to get hurt, other people are going to get lucky, and you won’t find any rhyme or reason in it, nor any justice.” Do you find that a rather grim view of the world? Don’t you think that human society needs a moral code that rewards good behavior and punishes wrongdoing?
    Here we find a critical difference between the Bible’s view of humanity and atheistic evolution’s view. God’s Word stresses that humans hold a special place in creation; evolution suggests that humans are the accidental product of blind natural processes. The Bible explains that humans are made in the image of a just and loving God and are able to live moral and good lives; evolution, with its emphasis on the struggle to survive, is at a loss to explain the human qualities of love and altruism.
    Evolution cannot offer any real hope or purpose. The Bible offers the Creator’s grand purpose for our future. He has clearly declared his intent: “I will bless you with a future filled with hope.”—Jeremiah 29:11, Contemporary English Version

    hi sandra,
    i may be a skeptic, but i admire your humanity. That’s right–believe it or not, i don’t believe that religion is all bad–but i do believe in the separation of science and religion, and i am militant in my belief in the separation of church and state.

    The church can be a force for great good, and you really seem to be living evidence of that. But the same institution that gave rise to your constructive and compassionate comment here also gave rise to the Inquisition, and I think that’s what we’ve got to watch out for. Like hawks.

    And science? I’m still all for it. I believe in facing the facts of life. Dr. Phil has said many times that you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. It is only by facing the state of our Universe squarely and courageously that we can move to make it better.

  13. Ashley says:

    I understand that kids start having sexual urges at very young ages. This is nothing new. But just because they have these urges, doesn’t mean that they are psychologically ready to deal with all that comes with the territory of sex. From my own personal experience, even I knew at age 12, 14, and even 16 that I wasn’t emotionally ready for sex and therefor, I should hold off until I am ready. I am a member of several message boards and a monitor of one in particular where many teens are also members. They will discuss their sexual experiences and seek advice for their issues they are dealing with. Most of them suffer from the same problems: Their boyfriends are pressuring them to have sex and they don’t know what to do, or they give in and soon regret it. They aren’t properly educated about protection and end up either getting pregnant or severely worried about getting pregnant. They think they sex will bring them closer to their partners. Their partners break up with them after taking their virginity, leaving them heartbroken and insecure, just to name a few examples. I understand that it’s not their fault that they aren’t properly educated, but that doesn’t mean they should be given permission to have sex when all of the other problems are likely to arise that they shouldn’t be having to deal with.

    Dr. Phil, I see your point in not wanting to tell your kids every little thing you did in fear that they might get the wrong idea about it. This is something that I was actually thinking about the other day. I don’t have kids yet, but when I do, I would love to be able to share the things I did in my past (the good, the bad, and the ugly) and know that they understand that just because I did it back in my day doesn’t mean it was okay, and it doesn’t mean that I don’t realize now that I shouldn’t have done it. If I decided to tell them those things, I will try to make sure that they get the right idea about it, and then if they do, then maybe I will continue to be completely open and honest with them about everything.

    This is a great topic to discuss and I have 1000 more thoughts on this but I bet I will be back here after I see the show.

  14. Twenty-One says:

    I am a 21-year-old woman. I have been with my boyfriend (my only boyfriend ever) for almost 4 years. We decided to have sex a little over 1 month into our relationship and I have my regrets. Four years after we did it the first time, our sex life has become the most difficult challenge in our relationship.

    My parents never talked to me about sex, and when I was younger I was glad about that. However, looking back I do with my parents would have discussed it with me. I saw sex as trivial by watching shows like “Sex & the City”, as well as many others that featured women who were famous for having sex before marriage (with many partners). Therefore, when I made the decision (uneducated decision) to have sex, I was not prepared for what could follow.

    Things I wish my parents would have told me:

    1. No matter how the media makes sex look (easy, fun, exciting), there’s a lot more to it. Sex is complicated. Not only is there the physical aspect of sex, but there’s also the emotional the psychological repercussions.
    2. Consider these questions: What if you guys don’t stay together? What if you get pregnant? Have you been tested for diseases? If you’re too uncomfortable confronting these questions, you might not be ready.
    3. I understand that you guys have an intense physical attraction to each other and that’s completely normal. Understand that you only have 1 chance to lose your virginity, and there’s no rush. Having sex is okay, and if that’s what you decide to do right now, that’s fine. Just be informed, talk about it with your bf/gf in a mature, adult way, and take the right precautions.

    I wish I could take back my 1st time, because my values have changed since then. And I hope the girls slow down on this dangerous sex trend. Because it’s not “just” sex, it’s everything that comes with it.

  15. Monica says:

    I’m a 21 year old woman. I believe girls should be educated to the significance of life and the importance of respecting your body. All through high-school I saw young people have unprotected irresponsible sex without any regards of the consequences. To me, there is always a risk of getting pregnant. Bringing a child to the world without having the emotional maturity or means to take care of him/her has always seemed liked a big sign of irresponsability. This is not to mean that we should pretend sexual desires do not exist, but boys and girls should learn that human beings can subject their desires to something higher.

    To L.A. MikeTheSkeptic: The main criticism that “Darwinian biology” (as you call it) has never been able to successfully reply is that human beings are different from animals in that they have certain abilities that make them capable of moral and ethical judgements. You suggest we stop repressing sexual urges with morality. I say that is not going to work because morality is not a burden but a real need for social and spiritual life. When humans had notion of their own mortality and a little insight of the future, they had to resort to something higher in need for some explanation. Science is just another recent way of explaining. So it seems to me that “science” is your own religion..

  16. Maria says:

    I think Dr. Phil is totally correct when he says teens are getting pregnant faster and having sex earlier. I think its sick, even has grown women to just put ourselves out there like DOGS and let anyone do us that will tell us they love us. It is pathetic. Sex was not intended for us to just do with any random person. It is a sacred gift and as girl in her 20’s I wish I would have listened to my parents tell me No, do not do that or my pastor, no, do not do that. I totally get why now. Aside from unplanned pregnancy and a disease, the emotional side of it is detremental to a young girl and will continue to effect them in the future.
    Not to mention, I think it is rediculous the amount of single mothers there are out there who dont know how to close their legs and continue to get help from the state. makes me furious! USE BIRTH CONTROL if you cannot control yourself. And parents, really, get a grip on your children! It used to be frowned upon to have a child out of wedlock or in high school, now we throw baby showers and high school girls get together for play dates! ARE YOU KIDDING ME.
    makes me sick.
    I really wish Dr. Phil on top of his psychological information could share a little biblical sense as well! The world could use a little biblical sense knocked into them!

  17. Randi says:

    I a mother of three teenage boys is quite shocked at this opinion that it is always the boys who start this sexual prowl. As I see it there are lots of girls who come after boys and sexually seduce(not quite the right word) them. My sons have had girls approach them and want to have sex with them and my boys will not go there with any of them as we talk to them regularly about this issue. I am quite insulted that all teenage boys are made out to be sexual peditors. I think that both sides shown and not just give the boys the bad rap.

  18. Kim says:

    We have just been through a similar issue with out 12 year old daughter; it actually started when she was 11. YES, 11!!! It can be devastating as a parent to turn around one day and find out that the daughter you thought you had only exists in wishful thinking. We only became aware of her actions (no sexual but headed there) after find letters and notes she was accidently left behind after leaving for school. The sad part about it all is that all this activity and drama between girls and boys alike was happening at school, not under our roof. The drama consisted of boys and girls dating, girls fighting over boys, kids making out in a special spot in the library, boys cheating on girls, etc. AWFUL stuff to hear coming from 6th graders. We contacted the school to gain access to her email account after finding all of this out and were told that was not possible. We let them know about the library incidents we found out about, and various hallway meetings we learned of between boys and girls, our daughter in particular. To make matters even worse, our daugther knew “dating” was not allowed but she continued to sneak around every chance she got. To add to it, the boy was verballly abusive of our daughter, whom she continuously apologized to so he would like her. They would continue to tell each other that they cannot live without each other, the boy ALWAYS told her how much he has given up in his life to be with her and how dare she listen to her parents, etc. To say the least, she is AGAIN grounded for an indefinite amount of time, I put her into counseling regarding all the lying and sneaking that was involved and to help her understand what boys really mean to her. Since last spring, we have counted at least 8-10 boys whom she has told that she was madly in love with. What do we do? We took cheerleading, girl scouts (where some of the friends that were involved all were a part of), phone, internet, electronics, etc. I hesitated taking the cheer and girl scouts away but it seemed to be the only thing that even brought a tear to her eye. Hopefully the counseling will. I could go on and on but maybe the readers get the gist of what I’m saying.

  19. sally jean says:

    why is there NEVER anyone willing to talk to boys about any of this stuff. So many hosts have done shows on teen girls and sex and it really bothers me that no body has talked to the boys regarding sex. WHY DOES NOBODY EXPLAIN TO THEM THAT IT IS JUST AS WRONG ON THEIR PART???!!!!!!! Seriously! Where are the young boys in all of this?????? FRUSTRATING!

  20. carolann calies foerch says:

    Sex is ALSO the sole purpose of men of any oops EVERY age. I am 64 and have friends of different decades. We think we find one decent enough to go out with, and it always ends up the same…wrestling as he pressures us to ‘have sex’ using every reason he can think of. …and as I’ve told you before: they put the chastity belt on the wrong gender…..(and I really do love men and sex)
    I had to tell another friend just this morning what to tell the jerk she went out with last night who she thought had some class. I said to tell these men that if they HAD showed you the respect YOU DESERVED, they’d get more than they could keep up with…and then walk away!

  21. Jamcanmadog says:

    I find what you are all saying quite interesting. I am a young adult, of 22 years and I am very keen on hearing adult views. It is true that teens are experimenting at earlier ages, however, alot of this is due to media, peers and sadly parenting. Most TV shows display sex as a means of securing love or the ultimate act, or even as just an activity to do for fun. Among teens casual sex on both sides of the gender pool is the norm. Popular culture has sex being the thing to do. We have gone from alcohol to drugs to sex and I am afraid of what is next. Teens younger and younger are engaging in sex in some cases because of lack of proper sex education.
    Sex is depicted as a means by which a girl can get her boyfriend to commit to her, or to deepen what they already have. This either feeds the emotions teens are lacking and searching profusely for or follows the path of self destruction that many teens tend to take in enjoyment or fo lack of a better option. Also the rebellious attitude of teens continues to grow and it furthers the gap between parents and their children having the children do whatever it is to hurt or spite their parents, even if it means harming themselves. There are the ‘goodie goodie’ children who try to adhere to what they were taught but peer pressure, the need to experience things, or pressure from their imitimate other. Parenting styles also vary quite largely among families across the states. The majority tend to fall into the stereotypical 3: Not caring enough, smothering, or the balanced parenting style. Each of these three tend to have children engaged in sex to different degrees. How to regulate it? We can’t unless we force teens to adhere. Only thing possible is to try and instill maturity and tell them our experiences exactly how it happened. If it was fun, or dangerous, or scary let them know. This doesn’t mean we should sell them the notation of repeating what we did, we need to tell them how we feel about what we did. Our duty is to pass on our knowledge to our children, and I think this means to let them know everything we do, and have them pile unto that for the generation after them.

  22. Cat C says:

    This has nothing to do with religion (Religious beliefs are what they are – everyone has their own take on it) but with self-preservation, awareness and maturity.

    If a teen is able to fully discuss their sexual activity (and the pro’s and con’s that go along with it) with both their parents and their doctor, rather than “sneaking around” ect, then they are a lot less likely to put themselves in situations that result in STD’s and unplanned pregnancy. The parents also have to be mature about this – yes, the conversation may have to revolve around their personal religion/belief system and the morals that go along with them, but they have to be open that what THEY want for their children to believe might not be what their children feel is right for them. A discussion needs a open, two-way converstion, otherwise it’s a dictation (and very few people appreciate living under a dictatorship). I think we can all agree that prevention is worth well more than a pound of cure. Under-age dating should be considered a privledge – if you can maintain good grades, be a positive contributor to the school/family/community and show that you can be mature enough to be honest about what your doing and why, then it wouldn’t really be a problem, would it?

    I see these young girls (AND boys – I certainly don’t believe it’s fair that all the pressure to obstain should be placed on the girls shoulders!) and really wonder what else they could be doing to help themselves realize there’s so much more to life and feeling fulfilled than dating boys. What are their involvments in extra-curricular activities at school and in the community? My grandfather always said “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop” (sorry for the religious feel to that, but it really is very fitting!) – giving Teens the oportunity to express themselves and obtain accomplishments through sports/arts/community programs will help curb the desire to feel “wanted and important”.

  23. JaneDoberman says:


    I am not sure that atheism and moral anarchy go hand in hand. I find a great motivator for doing good in my life is my own conscience and self worth. I treat others the way I would want to be treated, I hesitate to judge as I would wish others to hesitate to judge me.

    This is an issue of indiscretion and risky behavior. This is a teenage brain issue, not a moral issue. Teens drive too fast, they experiment with who they are, they don’t have the necessary fear of consequences that later develop along with their brains. To tackle this religion can be a very positive tool but it can be only a tool and with so many factors we need many other tools.

    Again I have to ask that Dr. Phil address the dangers of abstinence only sex ed because there are so many factors involved. It is theoretically a great message post hoc ergo propter hoc but let’s face it sex is more than just a sacred union as viewed by the bible. It needs to be dealt with as that more complex thing. If we address sexual transgression as a moral issue we must assume that morality will solve it and it just doesn’t. Sex is not just a moral issue.

  24. Ashley says:

    I agree that teens are starting to have sex younger and younger as time goes on and they take the consequences of this like they are nothing. A lot of teens think that it will be cool to be a teen mom. They get influenced by shows on tv where they show teens getting pregnant and making it look like its easy and its cool. Well let me tell u it is definitely not what they make it out to be. I watch some of these shows and I have to laugh at how they make teen pregnancy look. I myself was a teen mom. Fortunately I was 18 and out of high school, but I was still a teen and it was still hard. Teens think that they’re boyfriends they have in high school are gonna be there forever and that they’re in love. Yes that works out sometimes but life after high school is completely different. I would advise anyone to wait to have sex til they are ready and are able to take responsibility for the consquences of having sex. Let me tell u, I love my daughter to death, she’s my world, but I do wish that I would have waited because u end up trying to finish ur teen life (going to college) while trying to take care of someone else, when u can hardly take care of yourself. I ended up being a single mother, her dad signed off all of his rights and I have to play the role of both mom and dad. So it is very difficult to raise a 2 year old, live your daily life and run errands, and go to college at the same time. If I had it to do all over I would definitely wait till I was out of college had a good job and take care of my daughter the best way possible.

  25. Hmmm…. On one hand I think it’s not a good idea to disclose past mistakes on the idea that it will build mutual trust. I think, OTOH, that disclosing past mistakes in the sense of “well, I did this. These were the consequences. This is what I took away from it. You should feel free to learn from my experience rather than going through it yourself” is almost always positive. IOW, don’t tell for the sake of telling. Tell for the sake of teaching.

    Secondly I think there is an irrational fear that kids are growing up too fast. As parents we want to protect our children, but life involves risks. We are best off encouraging our children to be open, honest, and mature and avoid throwing around things like “you’re not old enough” except where it’s patently obvious.

    I personally think that if we are able to teach kids to live responsibly in general, then we have less to fear about things like binge drinking, promiscuous sex, etc.

  26. Jamcanmadog wrote: “Sex is depicted as a means by which a girl can get her boyfriend to commit to her, or to deepen what they already have.”

    This has been well known beyond the modern time. It used to be that pregnancy was a means by which a girl could force her boyfriend to marry her. Or at least that’s the way it was when I was growing up in rural Utah…..

    I really think teaching general responsibility is the answer.

  27. JMI says:

    I have to say i watch Dr. Phil almost every day and I think today is the first time I have been even a little bit inclined to write in and give an opinion. I have a 12yr old son who is no angel in any shape form or fashion. I do believe that both boys and girls at this age are searching to find their place in this world. We tell them they are old enough for some things yet not old enough for others. That in itself is confusing. What i have observed being on the flip side of the coin is that my son is not nearly as smart or vicious as some of the girls he has been in contact with. it has been my experience that the girls seem to be MUCH more experienced than he and his very silly little guy friends. I could be wrong but it seems to me that girls BEGIN teaching boys and it doesn’t stop for quite some time. Granted boys have extremely active hormones……. i don’t know that we can always lay the blame at the little boys feet. I really do believe it is our job as parents to educate our children. It is our job to know who their friends are and instill good morals. We just need to BE PARENTS!!!!

  28. canuckgirl3 says:

    i believe to be honest with your children about sex and about what you have been through..if you are honest with them then they will know you are not just telling them no cause you dont like it…they will see that you have been through it and so you know what you are talking about….i just recently had a baby and my 5 year old was asking me how the baby came out of my tummy….i told her that mommy had to push really hard to get the baby out….i felt that she deserved not to be lied to about it….she has known about male and female body parts for a couple years and knows the proper terms for them….i feel that if she is taught about sex then she will be smarter on the decision to have it or not when she is older…my mom made sex seem like it is the worst thing ever and did not educate me on anything and i ended up having sex at 15 which i regret and i got pregnant at 18 right after i graduated from school….my dad was very honest with me about his drug use when he was a teenager and i put that into consideration and to this day i have stayed away cause i heard what he went through

  29. wouldliketosee says:

    I would like to see a episode on teen BOYS and preteen boys engaging in sexual behaviors or contemplating sex. We see that teen girls do it more for attention but how do we deal with our young boys as well? How do we teach them to respect women/girls? Please Dr. Phil do a show on the other side as well.

  30. sharon Krawczyk says:

    Dr. Phil, it was Oprah that first made me deal with my physical abuse at 40+ and then I continued therapy and family reconcilation into my 60’s.. Next came Dr. Phil, my second mentor. I have respected you like Oprah. You brouight so much truth to the front for people to deal with and never let them leave without a possibility for change and lifeline to make it happen.

    I watched today’s show about young teens dealing with their sexuality. It is always amazing how much time doesn’t change, it just becomes more open and accepted….good or bad. You could certainly see the underlying reasons that these girls craved attention and that most of it was based on not having the best male role model available. Or in the case of Cassidy, she had a double whammy. She had no father invovled in her life, but worse, you could tell that her mother covertly blamed her pregnancy (therefore her daughter) for not having the life she so wanted. Even though she had come to a place of achievement, she still looked angry.

    I really believe that these girls can be reached either through counsiling or through mentoring from someone who understands and can reach into their souls to let them know how precious they are and what is possible for their lives.

    Please let us see how they progress and hopefully change their opinons of themselves and recognize the difference between sex, consentual rape, and respectful relationships.

    Thank you for all your help to those whose voice might not be heard.

    Sincerely yours,

  31. IC says:

    I just want to thank Dr. Phil for bring these teen issues to light, hopefully it will get parents/teens to talk more openly about whatever teen issue they are going through! I have two teenage girls and I really appreciate any constructive information that I can get. My daughters often watch the show with me, especially when it is a topic they can relate to and I know that they are listening and learning.

  32. Kikyo says:

    It is very common things to happen, but just because of that doesn’t mean you should do it as well.
    I had sex and i regret so much, and i lower myself that i know that i am better than that.
    Not only that i had sex with my boyfriend(now is my ex) i thought he is really loves me of who i am, so i let him do what he wanted it. but i found that he was just using me for the beginning. after that i told myself what is the point to have sex anyways, is like obligation to do? no is not, you can have a boyfriend without having sex. plus with that you will see if is that guy does really love you or not. if not then you will find out that he is not without of regret and hurting your feeling of doing it.
    Have sex when you guys really going to marry or wait until marriage, i know is old but now that people married but they divorce. so is better to see if that guy proves and respect you of who you are then you may start to think but think about the negative about that person. because if you only think about positive you are becoming blind and you will not see the bad about that guy, not only that you dont’ want to admit whatever he is not been good enough for you.
    dont’ let you control by the charming words because action speak louder than words. so instead of listening watch what he does to prove it to you and be strict on them because they might do action in few days or weeks but later on they will just stop. And watch how they talk!! that will help you what kind of guys they are.

    Remember when people have diamond, they take care so carefully, you are diamond, not fake diamond. you deserve better!!!

  33. Donna M says:

    All of the above are interesting points but no one is asking the primary question – What are these young people looking for? While some teens are mature enough to handle the emotional repercusions of sexual behavior – and let’s not fool ourselves, there are always emotional attachments no matter how detached you’d like to think one is – most kids are either trying to fit in or find a connection to someone so as not to feel alone or left out.

    Perhaps, we should start addressing the problem at a much earlier age. Kids today are “wired” into too many actiivites, too much pressure to exceed and pushes to try bigger and better things earlier and earlier. Just watch parents at an amusement park trying to convince their kids, just barely reaching the height, age or weight requirements to try a ride they’re too scared to try.

    The child who happens to throw a ball well at age two, is suddenly being groomed to be a national league star pitcher. All he wants to do is play ball . The little girl who enjoys jumping on a trampoline is suddenly the next Olympic gymnast. What is happening is that kids are in an overload of experiencing newer, bigger, better at younger ages so that by the time they’re teens, they don’t know what else to try to get that “new and exciting” feeling so they turn to adult activities.

    It’s time to go back to letting children be children until they are old enough to handle all aspects of being adults – emotional and physical.

    Let’s face it, it’s not kids forcing other kids to engage in adult activities, it’s the parents trying the make little men and women out of their precious darlings then being shocked when those same darlings actually start to engage in adult behavior for which they have no emotional tools to handle.

  34. Annette says:

    I am really sad to see that the Doctors (including Dr. Phil) are missing the point regarding teenagers having sex at such a young age. It’s all about hormones and how much teenagers are developing at a much younger age. (some countries as young as 8 yrs old.)
    When I was a teenagers I did not think about sex until I was past 17 yrs old.. but that was because I did not have the urge. I was just not developed enough at that time.. Today with all the animals being fed hormones and the water being contaminated with an abundance of hormonal substance – it’s just a natural thing to happen. So we should be concentrating on how much and how many people are actually to blame for this situation.. You all need to deal with the cause and not blame the young ones for their behavior. It is all natural and it is so sad to see that they do not understand why the are feeling this way.
    Yeah some of it might have to do with self-worth or looking for a male figure in their lives. But, a lot has to do with the physical satisfaction.
    Please take the time to analyse the underlaying reason and stop blaming teenagers for their behavior when someone else should be responsible for weat’s happening and why we are where we are today, and why teenager feel the way they do, with all these sexual needs.

  35. sharon says:

    Dear Phil,

    Sorry to post here, can’t sleep so just came over to look at the blog pic of kind eyes “looking” at me to help because I’m hurting and having a tough time right now and your prayers still mean a lot to me anytime you do, so thought it might be ok just to ask if you’ll pray, if you see this? No hopeful corners yet, just more pain and no closure to it that I think my heart still needs. ? Thanks. God bless.


  36. That One Girl says:

    Im 18 Yrs Young And Must Say We ( “Teenage Girls” ) Have Pressure Everyday With Sex. Not Just From Boys, But Media (Mostly), And Our Peers. I Was Told About Puberty But Not The Dangers Of Sex, What Happens When You Do, Nothing That Directly Has To Do With Sex Till It Was Too Late. There Is A Difference Between A Sex Talk And A PUBERTY TALK. Trust Me! You Need To Open Up To Your Children And And Express To Them That Sex Changes Everything! Not Just Boys And Stuff But Your Everyday Life. I Know Boys That Are 20 And Virgins, But Then Again, I Know A 14 Yr Old With His Tongue Pierced.. STOP BLAMING GENDERS. We Want It Equally, But The True Core Of Our Knowledge Is MEDIA. Mothers & Fathers! Step Up And Say Something.. Coming From My Own Experience, I Wish Either Of My Parents Could Have Warned Me What Sex Entails. And Im Sure Any Of Your Kid(s) Really Do Want Your Advice And Opinions, Even If We Seem Too Cool For All That “Parent” Talk. ;)
    Help Reduce Teenage Pregancies, It Can Make A Difference.

  37. kim cortex britain markey wandlock says:

    this is a good way to make theses young girls understang demerits of having sex at such young age. I am very happy that my parents gave such great education to me that I will never go on wrong path.

  38. ghayth says:

    hi dr.phil my name is ghayth i am from the middle east i dont want to talk abut religione i want to talk about this problem teen sex . in our cuntrys we dont have sex in that age i am 16 years old male teen and teens love this things having sex and playing put we have a block in our ways so we dont have sex its religion we beleave that we will be asked about this after we are dead and in the life we will get a lot of bad thing ……. what i want to say the important thing is teaching kid before they becum like this that they have a lot of responsibility if they do it …. its not a problem is my country but i wanted to help ..and if you want to know more eslam have a lot of sulioshen to your problems just ask and you will find : my e-mail :prince_ghaith@hotmail.com please dont get made if i made it as a religon problem but we real might have the end of the problem . and thanks to you all :p

  39. Carter says:

    The stigma of premarital sex just isn’t what it once was and the rise in premarital sex isn’t confined to the teenage age group. As a single adult, I get more pressure to have premarital sex than I ever did as a teenager. Date number three seems to be the magic number. It seems to be socially unacceptable to not have sex when dating and those of us who don’t find it difficult to find dates who will stick around very long after date number three.

    Anyway, we’ve all heard the expression, “Monkey see, monkey do”. Kids will much more readily do what they see (or hear about) role models doing than what they are told to do. I also think that the rise in teenage sex stems back to certain needs going unmet due to the breakdown in the family unit. I think this is especially true regarding the issue of younger kids engaging in this behavior. If they can’t get their needs met at home, they will look elsewhere. Obviously, premarital sex isn’t the answer but I think maybe kids settle for what to them, seems to be an acceptable substitute.

  40. Christine says:

    Wow, big issue.

    Teens arent’ ready for sex, many of them feel pressured by their other friends, who also felt pressured. Some of them feel that they are in ‘love” and they will get married, believing in “one true love” each and every time they are with “mr right”. They dont know or understand that the world is ahead of them. After enough times with so many “mr rights”, they feel that they lost their virginity, they haven’t gotten sick yet, so it’s no big deal.

    It’s the trend, and thats how it almost always happens. It starts with “prince”, and ends with, “this is normal”.

    but is it?

    Probably not. the first time I had sex was when I was 18. I’m perfectly fine with telling my children that. 2 boys. My boyfriend at the time, now my husband, was a virgin too at 19. YES, they exist. virgins until 18+. Infact, my best friend was a virgin until he was 26, good looking guy too!

    But sure we can blame the media, or the parenting, or lack of religion… but it’s the same thing it has always been. Peer pressure.

    One girl does it, one guy does it, all of a sudden they are pressuring other people to do it, so they aren’t alone, or because they want to have sex as well.

    Most girls that are younger, feel insecure the first few times they ‘do it’. Until the boy tells them they are special, and that they are in loev, and they will get married.

    I saw it in my school, 60% of the girls claimed to be engaged to their boyfriends. Even if they have been dating a few weeks.

    There are the girls who feel insecure with themselves, and have sex to feel better.

    There are the girls who are raised in a ’sex free’ household, where abstinence is important, and girls during their rebel years, do somewhat the opposite. Their parents need to tell them everything, including waht could happen if they do have sex, and how it could change their lives, versus just telling them no, and end of story.

    I think in the long run, education in school is the most vital. Then you know that all the kids are getting the same information, and all of the kids have the same understanding… problem is parents cant agree on what should be taught, abstinence, protection, or just plain understanding.

    In my school, we learned more about STDS, pregnancies, miscarriages, and everything. We focused on the reality of sex, and the consequences, rather than what to do and not to do. It let us make our own decisions! If a teen makes their own decision to do the right thing, they are more likely to follow those morals and standards for themselves.

    The best way to nip these kind of issues in the butt is to really go after the source…

    peer and personal pressure.

    Guys dont see the ‘big deal’. I think a better understanding of child support, broken families, and stds… and the pain and agonies of pregnancy.

    Thats what my mom taught me!!!
    She said, and I’ll never forget… Which is what made me think sex wasn’t all that important… “The day you start having sex, is the day you become responsible for all the worries that comes with sex” She explained stds, pregnancies (in vivid details!), being cheated on, being ‘used for sex’, and so much more…

    She made it sound like, I should truly wait for the right guy or until I could personally take on the responsibilities and worries that come along with sex.

    Thank god, I waited until I found mr right, and was with him for a couple of years before we had sex… we got marred at 21, and have been married since, 4 1/2 years.

    The wonderful thing about that, was that we were together, we saved up together, worked good jobs, and were able to buy our first home at 22 years old, THEN we had our child 16 months ago, and another on the way. We know how much we love each other, and we have no worries. Life was easy. I see too many lives destroyed by sex.

  41. ghayth says:

    you need harder roles

  42. S. El says:

    A few days ago, I discovered that my fourteen year old daughter is and has been sexually active for almost a year. After complaining about specific female problems for several days, I grew more concerned. Being oblivious to what was really going on and operating under the delusion that she was not sexually active, I thought that she was only experiencing minor irritation. Nevertheless, as her complaints grew more frequent and she started suggesting that she be seen by a doctor, I started wondering if something more was going on; however, I still remained in denial.

    The following day, I took her to an urgent care facility, where all services are provided in one convenient location. Still in denial, I proceeded to escort my daughter to have her vitals taken, but I was quickly informed by staff that my presence was not required. I was taken aback by what I perceived to be blatant disrespect because I had never been treated in that manner before. About ten minutes later, I saw my daughter with a urine specimen cup and somewhere at that point, I realized that there was definitely more to this situation.

    After what seemed to be almost two agonizing hours later, the doctor called me to the back and provided me with a cursory explanation about what was going on. She stated that they were going to perform a gynecology examination. Again I was asked to be seated in the waiting area, but was never invited to join my daughter in the examining room as I had always done in the past. After more than two hours of being in the waiting room with little to no information, I grew stir crazy and left the building.

    I went outside to call my daughter’s cell phone and even sent her text messages to find out what was going on in the examining room, but all attempts to make contact went unanswered. This was further confirmation that something more was going on because until this moment my daughter’s cell phone was like a permanent fixture to her hand and no phone call or text message went unanswered. It might sound weird, but I left and decided to go grocery shopping.

    While en route back to the facility, I received a call that they needed me to come back right away. When I entered the building, the doctor was standing in the door way waiting for me. I definitely knew then that something was wrong. This time she invited me into her office and closed the door. As we sat across from each other, she proceeded to beat around the bush and lead into what she wanted to tell me, but I urged her to cut to the chase. I even had the audacity to confidently and emphatically state that my daughter is a virgin, so there was no way that her problem could be anything sexual in nature. Not only did the doctor inform me that my daughter is and has been sexually active since last summer when she was only thirteen, but also that she had a couple of issues that would require antibiotics. Additionally, she went on to state that my daughter had been having intimate relations with an eighteen year old boy, who has an indiscriminate sexual history.

    Needless to say, I am still shocked and appalled by the recent turn of events. For intervention purposes, that same evening I sent my daughter to stay with her father, who is also my ex-husband. I need to work on betrayal and trust issues, but we also need to work on our mother/daughter relationship. I always thought we had such a close bond, but a few days ago I discovered that she was really a stranger, who created a web of lies for almost a year. I really hope that we can resolve our problems and move past this devastating issue because I think she still needs me and really want to be there to give her the love and guidance that she really needs.

  43. Blgspc says:

    Now, I’m wondering whatever happened to the ‘Works-99.99%-of-the-time’ strategy of a parent addressing these issues before they arise, with the ever so intimidating and effective, veiled/implied THREAT! That worked for my twin sister and I! We came of age in the 1970’s. My Dad LOVED us but nonsense, UH-UH!

    I remember right after some girls in my class-and in our Beach Country community- got into some trouble. The exact nature of that trouble remains unclear, to this very day! (However, we-my twin and I- believe that it involved Booze and sex. In my identical twin’s mind, make that swinging-from-the-chandelier-sex!)
    Anyhow, in the days that followed the rumors of ‘trouble’, my Dad came home one evening and asked my twin sister and I if we knew M***** B******. WELL, WE DIDN’T KNOW HIM, HOWEVER, EVERYONE KNEW THAT HE WAS THE CHIEF OF POLICE on the north end of the strand! He went on to explain that he and this man were friends and frequently had lunch together and further that, that very day he had spoken to the man and asked him if, “(He) knew my twins. And he advised me that he knew that I had a set of identical twins and thought someone had shown him pictures of the twins. So, I just told M***** that you look like me only you’re adolescent females. I then went on to advise M***** that if he EVER had the need or obligation to pick up MY twins FOR ANY REASON, to NOT CALL ME, but to book you and keep you in jail until you had served your time.” Well, my twin sister and I were flabbergasted! We very quickly explained to him that we NEVER got a chance to really get into trouble AND that we had NO intention of doing anything that might involve us with Law Enforcement, period! My father, continued by saying that he just wanted us to know- in advance- what ‘legal arrangements’ were in place should the need arise!

    Couple that with the fact that I BELIEVED that if I became pregnant out-of-wedlock, in my father’s LIFETIME, that I would windup in a shallow unmarked grave somewhere along the banks of the Waccamaw River….TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THAT THIS IS A VERY EFFECTIVE DETERRENT!


  44. sandra says:


    And science? I’m still all for it. I believe in facing the facts of life. Dr. Phil has said many times that you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. It is only by facing the state of our Universe squarely and courageously that we can move to make it better.

    Hi mike


  45. L.A. MikeTheSkeptic says:

    hi sandra,
    thanks for the referral, but i intend to remain secular, thankyouverymuch.

    that having been said, i think Jehovah’s Witnesses are decent, polite, and friendly people, but i just can’t buy into that Biblical literalism, you know? And their advocacy of theocrasy gives me the creeps! Long live the Constitution!


  46. L.A. MikeTheSkeptic says:

    Hi all,
    I dunno, but I get the impression that most of you Dr. Phil folks are religious and with a preponderance of Christian believers. That’s perfectly okay though. My belief in the Constitution includes freedom of religion.

    I read on the web recently that there was a town govt. somewhere in the U.S. that tried to ban home Bible study. Well, I don’t know if anything like that could happen here (gulp), but if it did, I would side with you Christians in defending your rights. Because that would be not only a violation of the 1st Amendment but possibly the 4th Amendment as well, the one that guards against unreasonable searches and seizures, just in case anybody thinks of confiscating Bibles.

    Any info on this alleged incident would be appreciated.

    Back to sexuality–abstinence is perfect for avoiding (unwanted) babies and (very unwanted) diseases, but perfection, in my experience, is mighty hard to come by.
    I think, as I have indicated before, that GUIDANCE and COUNSEL are the key. And, after a powow with both sets of parents, perhaps the Pill and condoms both, supplied gratis. Love CAN blossom, even at 15.

    And, unlike Dr. Phil said last Friday, i don’t think 15-year-old boys are incapable of feeling emotional attachment and deep love. I have seen too many instances to the contrary. For decades. Boys do cry–i should know. I’ve been there.

  47. Kate says:

    Teens and worse, tweens are not having sex because of hormones and lust.

    Plain and simple – it’s peer pressure, conformity, the desperate need to be cool and fit in. Rainbow parties – everyone else is doing it, who is going to be the one who says no? Your best friend has that smug look on her face because she had sex and you haven’t? Buying a few moments of affection from a boy in the hope that you beome popular and one of the in crowd.

    Shame on the school system and shame on parenting. Everyone is too worried about saying no to their children, you can’t discipline a child, the rights of the child come first. Sure, have a computer and a TV in their bedroom and a cell phone, because, right, every kid “needs” a cellphone for “safety” these days.

    Why are children not being taught about their bodies, about respecting them and teaching others to respect them? Why blame the media when parents have the right to the remote control, to the parental lock on the computer. I see so many parents too caught up in their own lives, “needing” to work to maintain that lifestyle, not being there when their children get home from school.

    Every parent should be made to attending parenting classes yearly from the time their child starts school, because somewhere along the way people seem to have lost the ability to raise children. The feed them and coexist with them, and drive them to activities.

    I was a teenager in the 80’s. Some of my 14 year old classmates were smoking and drinking and sleeping around, lying to their parents about whose house they were spending saturday night at and whether the other parents were even at home. Me? I was at home with my parents drinking lemonade, making popcorn on the stove and playing boardgames as a family. If not, chances are we were all out for dinner – as a family. We had attention, parents who were present, who gave us boundaries and consequences.
    I chose my friends carefully, maybe I avoided the “bad group” because I was headstrong and didn’t want some teenage bully girl telling me I needed to smoke some vile weed to be cool. What was in it for me? Acceptance from a bunch of people who came across as desperate for attention? I didn’t need it, I had enough at home. I’ve never felt the need to do anything I didn’t want to do in order to fit in, and for that reason I had the respect of the boys at high school because I didn’t play the games. What you see is what you get. I’m not going to sleep with you but I’ll hang out with you and be your friend. It’s surprising that so many boys actually seemed to be relieved at that prospect! I waited until I was 18 before I had sex, with a male friend, just to see what the fuss was all about.

    I’m now a parent myself, and am raising my 5 year old daughter in the same way I was raised. With much love and respect – teaching her to respect herself and respect her parents. We spend our time as a family, we eat at the table together, every night, and talk about our days. We have picnics, we ride our bikes, we play games. (And, for the record, we are agnostic. You don’t need to have religion to have good moral grounding and some good old fashion common sense and values).

    All we as parents can strive for is to be, as Dr Phil himself says, the best and most persuasive influence in our child’s life.

  48. Blgspc says:

    To: L.A.MikeTheSkeptic

    From: BG Southern-Nut-In-Residence

    I MAY BE from the Bible-Belt however, my concerns about under age sex are FAR MORE SERIOUS than unplanned babies OR unplanned capitol letter diseases!
    Sex implies a connectedness that adolescents simply- in my experience- are NOT prepared for, emotionally! It forces adolescents, already struggling to balence hormones, peer pressure and the assault of the great media machine to balence yet another MASSIVE emotional roll-a-coaster!
    As adults, I believe that it is OUR responsibility to aide and assist these young people AND that includes helping them AVOID taking on MORE Adult situations that they are NOT prepared for, emotionally.


  49. jason koda says:

    Religious or not
    Please Dr. Phil want to get rid of this dirty phenomenon
    I want to ask this question , what is the difference between the girl has sexual intercourse with the exchange of infinite men and a prostitute?
    For me the same thing just the prostitute earn money, and teen girls take nothing that make prostitute even smarter then her.
    Do not tell me that this is love and that for the money, the point is that both sides will be thrown away
    Dr. Phil I’m still a virgin and I am 26 years old I want a virgin girl like me please I can not find my life partner
    In the last two years has become increasingly aggressive, does not bear my temper because of this issue I began to feel that life is to facilitate to have any meaning for me
    I have a law in life is to agree to what happens to the people to accept such as this to happen to yourself
    Why do girls always choose the person, who is despicable to have a lot of females? Do you think that he will leave all the girls for you, that’s stupid.

    am sorry coz my english is bad and it turn little personly but please Dr.phil do some thing

  50. FosterBoys says:

    Are strippers and prostitutes loose girls or confused girls?
    Do promiscuous girls have a predisposition towards the sex trade?
    Should girls who take their clothes off for money be viewed more or less favorably than girls who take them off for pleasure?

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