Comments on: Our Ninth Season: Ending the Silence

By: Amber

Amber — Fri, 03 May 2013 00:28:38 +0000

I am in the middle of a divorce that has turned very ugly. He threatened to kill me before I left…we have a lot of money and he is VERY CONNECTED POLITICALLY. I fear I will be another statistic as he is escalating. We were married 28 years, I adopted 4 of his children and we have one together. They have all turned against me. He promised they would. I am scared for my life and no one will take it seriously…I have been told they are afraid of his power to ruin lives… Good luck to everyone out there … It does not matter if you have money or not does it? We are all Gods children…

I never thought my life would end up like this at 48 years old! What a mess…

By: Kendrick Colston

Kendrick Colston — Thu, 02 May 2013 16:59:45 +0000

HOMEGOING MAY 5.1989 RIP MY DEAR MOMMA!
May the 5th 1989, my mother was murdered by her estranged husband. Linda at 35 left behind six Children a mother, brothers, sisters and a host of dear friends. The hurt never leaves we just have found ways to endure from our precious lost. We had to put our trust in God because God is the only one that could fill the void in our lives! Time is coming around again for the passing of my dear mother. I can’t believe that it’s been over 20 years. How time flies I promise as long as I shall live, her home going will never forgotten nor be in vein! Momma on this day I would like to say, thank you mother for giving me life for given me the most precious gift s of all my brothers and sisters! Momma I would also, like to thank you for teaching me how to love and be loved! Momma you were a strong black women whom shared your love with many even until your last breath! Momma thank you for enduring all of the hardships and pain’s of life for your children! Momma thank you for leaving your husband even knowing that it might cost you your life! Momma thank you for standing up for your children and for doing the best you could do with six children and a crazy husband. Momma I know that it wasn’t easy for you I heard your cries when you thought I was a sleep. I cried a many nights with you even without you knowing. I heard and felt your pains while you were dealing with the emotional and physical abuse from your husband! Momma thank you for hanging in there while people talked about you and saying what they would have done if they were in your situation. But you are the only one who knew what you were doing and why you were doing it! Momma thank you for bearing your cross; for your children. I know your cross was heavy but you carried it any way and you never gave up no matter how bad things got momma thank you R.I.P my dear mother! Please stop the violence if a person tell you that they will kill you they will believe me, I heard it for many years. I have learned if a person says it enough it will come to past my mother gave her husband many chances until those chances cost her, her life. If you can find a way out of a hostile environment ladies or men don’t look back no matter how much that man or woman tell you that they love you. They don’t mean it because if they meant it they wouldn’t hurt you! A real man or woman would leave before they would hurt their family. And I know that’s the truth because I had to do the same I left because I became violent with my family! Hurting people hurt the ones they love not knowing how to reach out for help! Domestic violence is like a disease it tries to carry through the bloodline! I had to break those generational curse’s I give God the glory for delivering me! Please stop the violence domestic violence hurts everyone there is no excuse for it! If you truly love them leave them before you scare them for life!Thank you Dr.Phil for having more topics about domestic violence I would like to really like to have the opportunity of asking my step dad why!

By: Jacqueline

Jacqueline — Tue, 27 Nov 2012 14:56:50 +0000

Oh how exhausted I am from emotional and spiritual abuse I have had to endure for 8 years. Cannot even articulate into words. Husband won’t even look at me or touch me for last 3 years. Have 3 children. Work for my church, married a man from church – now I’m stuck and confused. No one believes in divorce since he doesn’t sexually assualt me or physically.

I get so many compliments from good looking men and it makes me feel good and warm inside. Even ladies in my church tell me how beautiful I am but my husband will not compliment me, tells me I’m overweight when I’m not. Always treating me like his child.

I’m so alone – the only reason I have not committed suicide yet is because I am afraid of going to hell & the only reason I have not left him is because I do not earn enough to support my children…

Feel lost and broken.

By: cheryl

cheryl — Mon, 15 Oct 2012 18:44:24 +0000

I understand how domestic violence works, believe me I do. I know the obstacles that occur to. I think one of the biggest is the children. The batterer has the right to see them, and the woman has to let them. It doesn’t matter that he has exposed them to danger or that they are all living in a shelter to get away from him in the courts that’s ok he still has his rights. they wouldn’t be forced back out of fear of losing children to fifty fifty custody which seems so typical today. If the laws were changed to truly protect the woman and children more women would leave. Twenty five years ago I had a judge tell me that just because he batters me does not mean he will hurt the children visitation granted. We haven’t come very far have we?

By: Dipa

Dipa — Mon, 25 Jun 2012 15:20:10 +0000

I am 32, involved in a verbally abusive relationship which has escalated to physical pushing, shoving, and grabbing, with objects being broken. I grew up being severely abused by my father.

I have been trying for over a year to exit this relationship, alternating between knowing that he will never change, to seeing that he tries occasionally. It always seems that events are twisted to me getting blamed all the time, and it has been a chronic stressor for me.

I am a successful doctor, I have conquered the world, but I find the trust in community has always been lacking, as I wish someone would have rescued me from the severe and constant verbal and physical abuse I suffered as a child.

Why is it that I cannot get the message, “He will not change” through my head? It seems like a constant stream of excuses I have, which leave me in the same pattern. I am in therapy but I just dont seem to have the willpower to leave. Of course, I know partly why- my boyfriend reminds me of childhood, and it is hard to give those patterns up. However, him promising to change after I have already left, and then slipping back into his old patterns, shows that change really is unlikely. I pray for myself, and all women going through this horrible challenge. I can’t see the light at the end just yet, but I am praying every day for that light to find me.

By: LYNN C

LYNN C — Sat, 23 Jun 2012 12:25:15 +0000

DEAR DR PHIL,
HI lets try this again. i am a huge fan!! thank you for your word regarding domestic abuse, i have lived in this situation most of my life, first my parents, then marrying into it. i was with a man for 33 years before i said enough.
the fallout though has been the hard part. i get no spousal support, so i was thrown into homelessness, because i have no place else to go. from may of 2010-2011 i was at the goodwill inn here in traverse city mi because there are no goodwill inns in the detroit area, but, now i am no longer at the inn, and i now have my own apartment now, which isn’t easy because i only get about $690 a month from ssi assistance, i continue to look for work, nothing yet, but soon i think, and i am going to school so this will all pay off someday, but, i feel like i am starting to go deep into a depression, i need help i can’t go into too much here but if you could help me i would appreciate anything you can do, you are my last chance, to get over this hump in my life. i have written you before, and i realize you get lots of mail, if you could spare me some time, i would be grateful, i do not drink or do drugs, thank you for reading this letter. sincerely lynn c ps i would love to be a part of the show on june 25, 2012 i would love to speak to this gal, i see myself in her can you make that happen? thanks again

By: Melissa

Melissa — Tue, 19 Jun 2012 23:15:00 +0000

Dear Doctor Phil

I first want to say thank you for the support to end domestic violence. I am hoping that this message reaches you because I need your help. I lost my best friend Amanda in 2009 to domestic violence. We have continued to honor Amanda by forming a committee and raising money to help others who are in Amanda’s situation as well as helping educate young men and women to prevent this violence from occuring. I would really like to explore how to start working on the legal system that is in place currently for domestic violence and what I can do to get involved to increase the maximum penalties for domestical violence. The man who murdered Amanda received 27 years and just recently in my state another man was convicted of a domestic violence murder and received 25 years. You can never put a number on the loss of a life, however, I beleive each state should raise the bar and set the tone that there will be maximum punshiments for the abusers. Please contact me if you can help lead me in the right direction.

By: Ruth

Ruth — Fri, 11 May 2012 09:46:07 +0000

I am a long term domestic violence victim. Looking back, I believe I did the right thing by being silent and risking death on a daily basis. I homeschooled my daughter into Berkeley. Since I got my permanent restraining order, I have lost everything. Judges give us the orders and then give everything else to our husbands. This is why so many women are silent and why so many die after getting the order. My mother is now dead. Three of my dogs are dead. In granting my order, the judge crossed off my mom’s name, and my husband squatted in her house, starving her. Her back was destroyed by the time the police rescued her. My husband got to stay in her home until she got a restraining order throwing him out. When she died, we found evidence of the Internet bank thefts from my mom’s account, winding up in my husband’s private account. My mother died penniless and I had to beg for funds to bury her, though she had saved so much that was taken. Though the police recommended prosecution, the matter involving one of his beatings of me was dropped by the D.A.’s office. You see, three public officials have lost their jobs in OC (CA) as a result of what happened in my case and one of them was the D.A.’s fiance. So he won’t prosecute my husband. Instead, he fired a deputy D.A. whom he was afraid had discovered the public corruption. My husband was also in politics, having run for Congress. Some people are above the law. In Orange County, the real problem is a family law court system gone insane. That’s why I’m planning a rally in front of the courthouse. The worst part is that I’ve talked to other women who have had similar experiences. It seems my case is a little too close to the norm. Check out the recording my daughter made of a typical reaction from my husband to my requesting a co-pay to see a doctor. When I play this for other women, it reminds them of their own situation. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZobHXLL4mLk

By: Anne Brett

Anne Brett — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 01:18:37 +0000

When I watched the Dr Phil Show about the wife who was abusing her husband a solder who had served 2 tour’s of duty I was just so shocked to hear Dr Phil him.”you have your whole life to divorce her…give me 45 days to fix her”.I think it was so wrong I have great respect for Dr Phil, but if it were the other way around as I have watched Dr Phil on other tell other women who were in a situation like this but the husband had not hit the children which this poor mans wife has also done and even her mother in law has been hit by her. He told them to leave . Why not this man why should he and his children have to put up with any more abuse from her. This women I think is potentally capable of killing her husband or her children and she had an excuse for everything blame her past. The woman herself admited to being capable of killing someone in a rage yet he wants this man to stay with her and “protect the kids” the best protection the children can get is for their father to divorce their mother and have full custody of them ad get the hell out of there. Dr Phil I believe this is double standard I know how you stand up for people in demostic volience but this time I think you got it wrong. This women could turn on the tears when it suited her, even when you and the auddience thanked him for his service to your country she did’t even clap for him. It was all poor me she has no remorse and for her to say to him she hoped he would die an hour before he was due to go to war is just appauling. She sould be on her nees begging him to and her children to forgive her but no she say’s she want help, but when she was sent to anger managment by the courts she had excuses about why she could’t attend the classes even on your show she tried to justify why she missed the classes. If this women wanted help she would have attended every one of the classes. I think the only reason she went on the show was because she knows she is she is faceing a year in jail if she hits him again. For her to say to him he is not a man how wrong she is if women any where in the world had a husband likd this man they would count themselves so lucky . When and I believe this women will lash out again at either the children or her husban is the Dr Phil Show going to pay the medical bills for the next family member that ends up in hospital or worse still will it be a funeral abuse. Dr Phil the very least that you should have said today was for the children and her husband to be removed from the house or that she be removed from the home. Those children and her husband do not deserve to have to live one hour or a day in a situation with her not knowing when or if she is going to lash out. I know you say because she believe she had a hard life she has learned some of the behaviour well she is an adult now not a child. And another thing why did’t she show sign’s of the behaviour before she was married so it shows she is able to control her anger but she did’t want to she got off on hitting knowing he was too much of a man to hit back as he was raised well. She just loved the control of abusing him and her daughter’s . If one of her friends did’t say something she liked I bet she did’t hit them. I don’t think she will ever change she just want to play the victim .

By: tracy

tracy — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 07:42:57 +0000

For the most part, Brian leaves me alone now because he got what he wanted all along- a son. He has robbed me of my treasure, my beloved Gabriel. I miss him so much it hurts. People ask me how he is doing and its all i can do not to cry. I mourn him as if he were dead but hes not; hes very much alive.
5 years ago Brian took him from me. This was not the first time. I was so stupid this last time that it happened. I made another huge error in judgement. After divorcing Brian and winning full custody of Gabriel, I remarried. The marriage soured quickly, very quickly. I asked my husband, Luke, if we could move half- way between SilverPoint and Chattanooga because I missed my job and Chattanooga itself.( dummy here had agreed to move to his hometown) He said “” sure you have 30 days to get the hell out”. It was after all his place. I had no place to go and no choice but to sleep in the car. I did not want our son to go through that. We had been homeless enough( hats off to the one who wouldnt work and took the money I earned when I was actually able to keep a job). I felt as If I had no choice. My family was in SouthCarolina. I had no money to get there nor did I have anywhere to stay once I did arrive. There are so many other things I should have done or could have done. In a crunch, I asked Brian if he could take care of Gabriel for a week or two until I secured another residence. STUPID ugh!!! I got my old job back and was doing double shifts to get the needed money. Brian evaded me, etc etc- Next thing I know, he’s telling me that they were in SouthCarolina living with Mark. I saved up money and followed suit. Brian only allowed me to see Gabriel on his terms. His rules- as if that were anything new. He would not even so much allow me to be alone with our son for a few minutes. There was no such thing as a one on one conversation. The good part was I did get to see Gabriel every chance I got- minus the days Brian started in on me and I had to leave quickly or when he was just PO at the world (not an usual symptom for someone who is such a complete jerk). I learned to cope with the visits that I was given. Things changed dramatically last year.
Gabriel had told his school counselor about the things he was seeing and experiencing at home and she immediately called Social Services. I was called up to the school. The SS worker would not let Gabriel go with my because Brian claimed that I had Multiple Personality Disorder and I was bipolar. SS agreed to let Gabriel stay with my brother. I was ordered to do a PSYCH EVAL and I volunteered myself for counseling and whatever else they wanted me to do. We are allowed Supervised Visits through my Brother. The next thing I know, Im getting a call from my brother saying that Brian went to the school and picked Gabriel up. SS said they could nothing about it! What is the purpose of a safety plan if you cant enforce it? HELLOOO?? 2 weeks later I recieve a letter from Brian’s attorney. Brian was suing me for custody. Brian had physical custody but I was the one that had LEGAL custody. In court I did get visitation 1 week on 1 week off until it could be determined who would get custody. Gabriel was under so much emotional stress that I backed off. Throughout all of this Gabriel will not talk to me, let me hug him-etc. He wants nothing to do with me. Gabriel’s counselor says that Gabriel is showing loyalty to his dad. If Gabriel connects with me then he is betraying his dad and not to mention will be constantly grilled by his father. 2 counselors have used the word BRAINWASHED.
Its been MONTHS since I have seen Gabriel for more than a few minutes at a time. When I can, I go up to the school to have lunch with Gabriel. I know that he feels SAFE at school. He will let me sit beside him. Once he said ” I love you too mom” Music to my ears- I was on cloud 9 for the rest of the week. I no longer go to the school because no Brian knows about it and he will question Gabriel. I am currently fighting for at least visitation.
When I was asked ” WHy didnt I just go pick Gabriel up when I moved back to southcarolina” my answer was BEcause I am afraid!!! I knew if he really wanted to hurt me, he could.
Remember when I told you what Brian all along was a son? 3 days after I delivered our Baby, Brian said to me ” I have what I want, you can leave now”
I miss my little boy so much!!!!!!!! It kills me to know that he has been hurt. I couldnt read the whole DSS report- which of coarse Gabriel denies saying any of it. I dont know how any of this is going to turn out. I miss my son and want to love him and protect him.
Thank you for “listening”.