The Senate Hearing on Domestic Violence
Listen up, all you Silence Breakers out there, it’s game time. A very vital piece of legislation that protects millions of victims of domestic violence is now before Congress, and we’ve got to make some noise to make sure it’s passed.
The legislation is called the Violence Against Women Act. It was first ushered into law in 1994 and is now up for reauthorization by Congress. I was recently invited to appear before the Senate Judiciary Committee as a content expert to talk about VAWA, which funds programs that help survivors of domestic violence rebuild their shattered lives. The money from VAWA goes to building vital emergency family shelters and creating domestic abuse hotlines. It also trains police officers on how to better protect victims and prosecutors on how to establish better criminal cases that will stand up in court. And because of VAWA, these women have access to resources such as counseling, financial literacy education, gainful employment, long-term housing options and legal assistance.
In my testimony, I took great care to remind the senators just what is at stake here — every 15 seconds a woman is abused in this country. I did the math for them; during the first hour of that committee hearing alone, 228 women would be beaten, terrorized and intimidated — and by the end of day, three women would be murdered as a result of domestic violence. I also stressed the dangerous, long-term effects that domestic violence has on the more than 10 million children who will see their mothers, sisters or aunts beaten or intimidated this year, and how the violence they are having to endure will cause deeply-rooted problems, including eroding their personalities, mental health and mental fitness, resulting in a host of long-term issues, including alcoholism, drug addiction, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder, to name a few.
I showed the committee those devastating before-and-after photos of women who had been on our show — beautiful, healthy looking wives and mothers who had been beaten by their husbands or boyfriends. I talked about Audrey, whose ex-husband set her on fire after she left him, and I talked about Sandra, who lost her left eye when her boyfriend found out where she was hiding and attacked her. And I talked about how difficult it’s been to prosecute men who do such acts — and that we have to keep pushing for legislation to make sure that domestic abuse is taken out of the family courts and put into the criminal justice system, or at a minimum, we create a system of sharing information from one court to the other. “Red tape in the system means that red blood will be spilled in the home,” I told the senators.
Needless to say, I also informed them about our End the Silence on Domestic Violence campaign, and I told them about the thousands of you who have signed up to become Silence Breakers, always ready and able to give your time and resources to help.
And as the hearing came to an end, I thought, Boy, we need the Silence Breakers to come through for us right now. This summer, as I’m sure you know, Congress is looking for all sorts of ways to cut the federal budget, and I’m afraid adequate funding for the Violence Against Women Act is in jeopardy. The co-chair of the committee, Sen. Chuck Grassley of Iowa, went so far as to declare during the hearing that reviews of VAWA grants have uncovered problems with record-keeping and unallowable expenditures. “In today’s economic environment,” he said, “we cannot tolerate this level of malfeasance in federal grant programs.”
I agree with Sen. Grassley completely. We need to ensure that VAWA’s programs are held to strict accountability. However, we need to make equally sure that we never turn our backs on women who are in crisis. And make no mistake, this crisis is getting worse, largely due to our economic downturn. Domestic violence numbers spike when people are stressed out over money. One recent report found that some 9,500 women each day cannot get the help they need. They are told there’s no room at the inn.
I worry about those 9,500 women because I know the danger they face. As we’ve talked about many times on the show, nearly 70 percent of injuries and murders in domestic violence cases happen to women after they leave abusive relationships. It’s a phenomenon known as “separation assault.” So they need a safe place. And if the federal government doesn’t step in with the funding, then those women are in real trouble, because right now, states and localities can’t afford to keep many of their shelters open, let alone build desperately-needed new ones.
So let’s keep active, Silence Breakers. Write to your U.S. representative and senator and let them know how important it is that they vote to re-authorize VAWA. Let’s make sure that money continues to flow into the programs that fund safe havens for those women who have made the brave decision to leave their abusive relationships. For those of you who haven’t become a Silence Breaker and want to join our campaign, you can go here to take the pledge.
And, as always, if someone you know is an abusive relationship — or if that someone is you — we’ve got a lot of resources at DrPhil.com to help you or your friend get help.
Let’s do what we can to create a world where women feel safe. And let’s certainly make sure our daughters and granddaughters don’t grow up in a world that looks the other way or fails to react if they are the victims of violence. This epidemic cannot remain silent!
Tags: domestic violence, End the Silence on Domestic Violence, Senate Hearing, silence breakers, violence, Violence Against Women Act
Dear Dr. Phil:
My deepest appreciation to you, and to many many more people who are helping bring the issue of Domestic Violence out of the darkness and into the public light.
Victims have suffered in silence, afraid to report the abuse for fear of retaliation against them or their children, pets or other family members and friends.
Because abusers not only threaten the victims loved ones, they actually will make tragic attempts in order to control the victim.
I escaped an incident with the help of two wonderful police officers and I arrived physically unharmed at a safe shelter. I did not escape the long lasting mental and emotional effects but with the help of counselors at the shelters, I was given tools to learn to help myself.
I have sent letters to you concerning this problem and obviously you have taken a very serious stand against DV. Thank You from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you to everyone who is willing to tell their story because it will help other victims feel like they are not alone,
Thank you to the nicest counselors at the safe place for making me feel safe.
Those shelters do not operate unless there are donations of food, clothing and financial aid because when victims leave home in a hurry they don’t always have time to grab any personal items….so id you wish to be of help then get on the internet, find out what is needed and offer your resources it will be appreciated, I know because I have been there and I sincerely did appreciate a whole lot of stuff especially a cup of nice fresh hot coffee to help settle my nerves.
The coffee maker, coffee cups and coffee were donated, so were the sheets, pillows and covers on the bed that I slept on in a safe shelter where I was not afraid to sleep at night.
I could share more about my experience with my abuser but he does not deserve attention, so I chose to write about those angels out there all across the country who deserve attention for trying to make the lives of abused victims return to a safer normal way of life.
Thank you for the opportunity to submit a comment….Stay Safe….and help stop the violence.
thank you ! i did not go to a shelter with my three kids i moved away without anyone knowing … so if this could help police learn how to help. And help fund safe places then god bless …
believe people don’t want 2 get involved. im in a ‘complex’ situation. it sounds like science fiction…was afraid to tell anyone 2 much & your show has made me think differently. sociopaths? how do you figure there minds? have sent you mail……car vandalized again 4 days ago.(knob 2 open glove box broke in 1/2, went to autoZone, they grisly glued it ) ..not because of love, x despises me. If amber frey wouldn’t have had the courage to do what she did, Scott peterson would be walking the streets….interview with drew peterson made me feel, was my X husband. my sister believes him. he is pillar of the community, leading double life. this has been going on since 2005. Escalating. counselor thought after divorce final it would end. wen attorney said in court,” his co-horts won’t leave her alone even in florida,” thought it would stop.DIDN’t. he is trying to get me institunolized. Who would believe this? He is personaly not doing anything. my sister says “why hasn’t he killed you”? She believes him. she invited him to my God daughter neices wedding, not me. she said “im enjoying my retirement & don’t want to hear this stuff”..she told my kids to block my calls. His OWN neice & aunt said there laughing@her. counslor said im dealing with 2 sociopaths. KasperkyInternet security confirmed 3rd party back door.Friend just sent me smal lap top, he was1 of tons of computer tech who workd on computer.He “found & saw lot”. it’s also name recognizable, they, know ive contactd you.who would believe im stalked 24/7? Sounds insane to me also. txts in my cell ‘unbelievable’.wen txt # they say mistake mostim signed cary? different #’s. Just recieved 2..not good…when i called the police in home town, i got this text is “natiional shut the f up day & other lewd remarks…im no saint, but i say Y me God.. thank you. God Bless you & Robin. don’t know if you can help me. Big concern is my daughter from 1st marriage. You are both giving people hope more than u can know! So happy for you being grandparents.
Dr. Phil I think face book promotes valance towards woman! I just started using Buddy Polk and looking at different scenarios I found in the section for Mood the third tab in shows mad moods that has 90% valance to women avatars. Am I wrong in my thinking?
You have my email I would like to know.
Dear Dr. Phil,
I’ve sent several messages because I wanted to see more shows regarding domestic violence. Since, I’ve seen several shows. I’m a dedicated viewer. I hope to find out how a victim of domestic violence can over come it and get back to leading a normal life. I went through two back to back domestic violence relationships. I take a lot of medication for depression, anxiety, panic attacks. Suffer severe migraines. I feel the medication doesn’t help but at times it does. I don’t want to be reliant on medication in order to feel okay and go on with every day life. I take lots of notes on your shows on domestic violence hoping to learn something new or how to go about things. Many places don’t help victims of domestic violence like they should. Instead they let the abuser get away with it all especially if they are caucasion or have a family member in law enforcement. They always wind up walking away with just a slap on the hand as if they did no wrong. On top of it all, they make the victims share custody of the children, leaving the victim to still deal with their abuser. I want to thank you for having more shows on domestic violence and prevention. I would also hope to see you add how we can go about gaining custody of our children, and also getting help in starting life over. Since kicking out my two younger children’s father out of the home, I have gone to a community college and received 9 Associates in Arts degrees but can’t get help or scholarships to continue my education. I would love to receive my Bachelors and Masters so I can get a good job to provide for my children instead of living of the welfare system that only gives me $608 to live on. It would be great to receive information on the how to’s after leaving an abusive relationship. Thank you for taking the time to read my message and look forward to view it on a show.
Hope our Government take this seriously, they should have local agencies who are focusing on this case like this, especially on children and women.
Dr. Phil, I have two daughters, my youngest being 29. She is the mother of my 2-year old grandbaby, and lives with the father. They have been together since she was 14. I have been aware that her boyfriend (who won’t marry her) is abusive, and as well my oldest daughter has been in many altercations with him for the same reason. They recently visited us for Christmas and I was utterly devastated at the treatment he displayed towards her. His lack of respect for her, me, her sister, her nieces, and everyone around him has me in turmoil! Everyone literally tiptoes around him just to make things “easier” for my daughter. It’s utterly insane. He does not let her shine in any way, and cuts her down immediately if she starts to let her guard down. She is in constant fear of his next command, and in a constant state of making sure everything is “okay” just so he doesn’t freak on her. Obviously I have MANY details, however, do not doubt the severity of this situation. My daughter is closing in on herself, and I don’t know what to do as a mother. My oldest daughter feels it’s too late to do anything after so many years, and that it’s best to stay out of it so she can in turn gain the continued company of her sister, however, I refuse to believe that we cannot somehow save her from this doom. She is aware of how he is. He has been diagnosed with a form of depression, but refuses to take his medications. He needs help. But most importantly, my daughter needs help. What advise can you give me??????