National Domestic Abuse Awareness Month
In the time it takes you to read these two paragraphs, at least 10 women in America will become victims of domestic violence. Every 12 seconds in America, a woman suffers from a form of domestic violence. Whether it be psychological or physical, this is without question one of the most serious public health and criminal justice issues facing women today.
October is National Domestic Abuse Awareness Month. Personally, I feel that since domestic violence has no regard for social or economic status, race, ethnicity, age, education, marital status or physical ability, every month should be Domestic Abuse Awareness Month. But raising awareness in October is a great start.
Please join me in becoming a Silence Breaker by donating to the campaign supporting victims of domestic violence. All the funds raised will be donated to shelters and other programs across the country that provide a safe refuge to abused women and their children. Lastly, if you are being battered or abused, GET HELP. Go to DrPhil.com where you can find important information to help you and your children. Resources can also be found at the National Network to End Domestic Violence — NNEDV.org — or you can always contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE(7233).
Domestic violence is not OK, and I ask your support in delivering this message.
Tags: domestic violence, Silence Breaker
Dr. Phil – Thank you so much for taking the pledge to stop DV. Not many men out there realize that although they may be a part of the problem, they can also be a huge part of the solution! I spent four years at my undergraduate University committed to teaching and spreading the awareness of DV, rape, and sexual assault. 1 in every 3 women will be subject to rape, DV, or sexual assault in their college years. What we have is a large emotional darkness; what we need is a larger emotional light! We need to let women know that they are not alone. This is my life’s dedication. I was pushed into social work because of my own rape that occurred at my University. I created the Clothesline Project, which has remained a fixture on campus since my graduation. I made it through the darkness into the light. Thank you for helping others to find their way!
Thank you Dr. Phil for raising awareness on domestic violence!! It is very important that everyone knows they can get out of the situation if they have the help from family & even strangers!! I was physically abused when I was in my early 20s. It was a very scary & emotional time for me! Also my mother is getting mentally,emotionally, socially abused, right now & it is hard to watch!! We have tried to help her but she just is not ready to get out. He hasnt hit her that we know of but I think the emotional,mental, etc. is just as bad if not worse than the physical!! I used to live with my mom & step-father so I know kind of what he is saying & it is demeaning, made me feel like the lowest form of trash!! It is so frustrating to watch!! Anyway I am glad you are raising awareness of DV!!! Keep up the good work!!!
Thank you Dr Phil for taking a stand against domestic violence and abuse. I love the quote from Hellen Keller:
I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.
Helen Keller
Its strange sometimes to think there are really men like you dr. Phil . Men and daddys and husbands who would never hurt there kids or wifes or any woman for that fact . You are a good man and it makes me feel safe to know there really are people like you out there. Your real , you help people from your heart , not because of rates or any other reason . I’ve watched your show since I was probably I’m thinking 11 . You talked about alot of issues throughout the years that goes on in homes but no one ever feels enough to talk about it . You offered a safe place for that . I use to get hurt alot and stuff happen to me and I thought maybe its because I was a bad kid or because I’m stupid but watching your show you had kids come on some times with the same problem I was facing and you would tell them it wasn’t there fault or there not bad kids I listened and took that advise as if you were talking to me , I got hurt in ways that I didn’t know it was bad but because you were brave enough to shed light on these bad things I realized it wasn’t right but more importantly its not my fault and I’m not messed up and I will be ok . dr. Phil thank you for spreading the word for years on this issue you’ve saved changed and blessed way more lives then you’ll ever realize … Britney
Dr. Phil,
I just recently watched one of your shows with Tanya Kach, Let me tell you when I watched I was breathless and I could not even Think or imagine what she went through… How dare her father? How can you BLAME a 14 year old girl that was in middle school and was neglected and was invisible to her father? I am not a parent, but I know that your parent suppose to guide and help you go through life and teach their kids from right to wrong. I am emotionally physically disgusted with the thought of her father!!! Tanya’s Predator should be in jail for life because what he did to her. He does not deserve to die… that is a relief… the pain that he caused her its unforgivable…!What if he does that to other children or the other predator thinks that abusing and kidnapping children; the result is the same? I don’t want that to happen to me future kids and my future grand babies and my generation.
Dear Dr. Phil:
I am just desperate. My husband is a Persian Jewish 68 year old physician and surgeon who has used his influence money, power and control to take custody away from me twice in the past two years. I have lived in a domestic violent marriage for the past 17 years.. I have 2 children, one son who is 25 and my baby who is 5.
I am listening to your show on the death of Michelle Warner. The words that Mark
Castellono sound EXACTLY like my husband.
I have the experiece and the joy of having raised my 25 years old who is having a stellar education at Temple Law School. My odest is a sports champion, a man for others, a person of compassion and an ethical and wonderful human being. I have received accolades for my motherhood and my influence and involvement with teenage children in our church community.
I am living a nightmare. I have had a spectacular career and a exuberant image in our community. My reputation has always been something that i take pride in identifying with. Yet in the Courtroom, the Judge has been somehow convinced that my husband is the victim.
Our court case has dragged on 2 years with me continually being pulled through the mud and my husband showing no remorse or no emotion EXCEPT for the comments
he makes like: ” I knew i had to do something to take her away from my son.”
” She owned me. The only thing she cared about was my money. She used my son for her personal gain. I wish she were dead.”
I am shaking writing this message and wish i could find a way to speak to you, as i believe in the amazing work you and Robin do with children.
My husband had me kidnapped and my child taken away from me on July 17th.
Using a bounty hunter to detain me with handcuffs and the Beverly Hills police assisting the bounty hunter, my screaming hysterical son clung to my shoulders with my sister-in -law, his sister, waiting in the side alley to take my baby away. My son just clung on to me for dear and screamed ” Mommy i don’t want you to go. I love you! I don’t want them to take you! and somehow, in Beverly Hills, CA i had my child taken away from me while the Bounty Hunters handcuffed me and drove me around Los Angeles for 7 hours torturing me. Something you think you’d see in the Middle East — not the United States.
When we got to court to recount the story, my husband lied under oath with no remorse or any other signs of emotion except to say that ” she deserves whatever she gets. She is a sick person and needs to be taken away from my child’s life.”
I have no money to compete with his legal warfare. I am desolate over losing my child. Most days, i just don’t get out of bed. The depression and the desperation i feel is overwhelming.
My husband has been court ordered to get my child into therapy at Reiss Davis. where I had taken our family to be evaluated. We were accepted for treatment except that my husband was meant to be requalified to pay more for his share of treatment.
My husband has not complied. My baby has not had his back to school physical, his shots or most importantly any treatment for this TRAUMA he was forced to live through at the hands of his father.
When I heard Mark Castallano’s words, i knew the narcassistic, “it’s all about him”
comments were EXACTLY the same. PLEASE DR. PHIL. HELP MY CHILD GET THE HELP HE NEEDS AND FIND HIS WAY BACK TO ME.
We have been investigated by DCFS twice. Both cases are closed. There is no child abuse by either parent towards the child. Just the judge who keeps me away from my child becuase my husband has convinced him that it is in my child’s best interest to be with father. He has allowed me no contact — not even phonecalls.
I have seen mothers in my training as a mediator who were really responsible for their
children’s abuse get their children or access to their children within 2 months — but those observation cases were in Children’s Court.
In Family Court — it’s just all about the money.
For anyone that reads this, please hold a good thought in your hearts for my little
Alexander.
I am so thankful that you exist Dr. Phil. Our world is definitely a better place because of your work with children. Please shed your light and and Robin’s will of God
on my child. I am a good and decent human being and a wonderful mother.
Please do something to help me help my child before the situation spins out of control.
Thank you for your time and consideration. Sincerely, Viktoria
I am not able to go on without him.
Hi Dr Phil,
With regard to your domestic violence awareness month I thought I might see if you can shed some light on our situation.
This is very difficult mail to write, but we need some advice, (actually nothing short of a miracle).
I am the mother of a 19 yr old daughter, who wishes not to be named. We have recently discovered that my daughter was severely sexually abused by her father, and others, from I’m estimating 3yrs of age.
Due to poor decisions on my part, my two eldest daughters are very damaged (for lack of better words). My eldest is an intelligent bright young woman who has spent the last 5 years suffering terrible nightmares, anxiety attacks and memory loss. We have been to Chrisitian counsellors who suggested she was demon possessed and tried casting demons out.(its all a load of rubbish). We tried getting medical help but seem to get lost in the system being passed from Doctor to counselors back to Doctors and a psychiatrist, who is supposed to be referring her to someone else in the field. With no answers we still waiting after a year.
My daughter took it upon herself to research her condition and the closest diagnosis she came up with was Dis-associative Personality Disorder. I have observed several different personalities to date with distinct personalities and tastes. Her 7yr old personality remembers the details of her abuse. The 5yr old is carefree happy with no realization of the abuse. The other personalities range from 15 – 30yrs of age, all female except 1.
There is a lot more to say about our other hardships, but in short, she also suffers from severe neck and back pain due to a car accident 2years ago, which left her with a broken neck. The physical pain often leads to memories surfacing from her previous abuse. How can she go on in this constant state of torture. Realizing her in-ability to study and have a career and lead a normal life plunges her into depression. All the while I sit by trying to support and help my daughter who I have failed in so many areas over the years. Where do we go from here? Is there any hope of a future for my daughter? What else should I be doing as a parent? Please Help!
I watch your show almost every day, If I am not home, I record it. The show you had on today,Oct.5,2012 ~ I was raised by my parents, but, all my adult life my father did not think I was his and treated me very badly! When my mother passed away at 54, he re-married four months later ~ I found out he thought I was from an affair from my aunt (my mom’s sister) He never told me he loved me, took me anywhere, gave me a hug or kissed me~ He would beat me with a belt for no reason! I felt It was my fault, and that I was a “bad girl” I tried everything to make him love me! It didn’t work~ when my mom passed away, my Aunt came to her funeral from Mo and sat down to tell my father how very wrong he was and that my mom would never cheat on him! It was too late, my head was already messed up and my life shows it~ I have been married four times, looking for “my Father” I am now 70 years old and alone. I only hope children that are like me, find happiness and do not blame themselves for what their parents have done, or not done!
Dr Phil, I can’t believe that it has been almost 2 yrs since I was on your show “Deadly Consequences”. I want to thank you for all that you do on your show with domestic violence. Being a survivor myself I can understand why more people don’t call for help when they are being abused. I want to be a voice and tell people to please call for help. They think like I did, that if I called he would kill me. Well, if you don’t call he may kill you. Eddie was killing me little by little from the inside out and I never even thought about that. I am now living back in the town that I was living in when I was married to Eddie. My mother, my daughter, and I have a house together and I love it. It is so peaceful!!!! I still have a long way to go on my recovery and I really don’t know how “Well” I will ever get. People just don’t forget the abuse and esp when it ends in the way that my situation did. I still have difficulty being in crowds of people. When I see one of Eddie’s friends I just have to get away from them. I feel like I will have to “RUN” for the rest of my life. It is like I can breathe, I get VERY nervous to the point of shaking, and then I find myself wringing my hands and I just have to get out of whatever I am in at that time. I have a few good friends who know and can tell when I start getting that nervous feeling and they get me out of that situation. I like milllions of others are changed forever but I am waking up everyday and breathing in and breathing out putting one foot in front of the other. I just have to take it day by day. I have started writing a book about my ordeal. I would love to get it published and give money to the shelters that help people. Thanks for all that you have done for me. Keep up the good work of being a voice that people can hear and listen to. You really do help!!!
I caught the last portion of this show on domestic abuse. I took a greater involvement because over the past year and a half, I have been a victim of domestic abuse in my marriage, and as recent as two weeks ago. It all came to a head when my husband tried to choke me to death. Fortunately, I had called the police prior to the choking incident, and they were outside awaiting for me to leave the home unbeknownst to my husband at the time. They witnessed the violence and he was arrested immediately. I filed a TPO, and now we await for the crinimal battery hearing, the TPO hearing and the divorce hearing. I am blessed to be alive to tell the story today, but the scars of the past years has made me face the fact that I was a victim of domestic abuse. The black eye, the bruises, the pulled hair, and now the broken toe will never let me sugar coat what happened to me. It is puzzling to me why and how I landed into this type of relationship because I do not meet the statistical reasons.
I am a professional, 41 year Black/African American female from a two parent household and no history of domestic abuse in my own family. In the Black community, this subject is almost taboo because no one admits, discusses or is that concerned about this issue. In fact, most Black women would never admit they are victims of abuse because whenever it happens they say they were in a “fight” to diminish the fact that they are in an abusive relationship. I am still confused as to why I am apart of the number, yet here I am. However, I will not allow this situation to define, label, or identify who I am. Furthermore, I refuse to take responsibility for the wrong choices my husband made when he decided to put his hands on me. It is unfortunate that he grow up in an abusive home, but he had several opportunities to receive professional counseling and intervention from other men. He chose to ignore his issues and those issues became larger.
He must now face the consequences of those choices up to the possibility of losing his freedom for a period, the dissolution of his marriage, and a comfortable lifestyle. I chose to end the cycle of domestic abuse in my life because I refuse to be a victim to anyone or anything. I will continue to speak out for all who are too afraid, too embarrassed, or too proud to admit that domestic abuse is an evil they did not cause, deserve, or create, but they must get out!
Thanks Dr.Phil for helping stop domestic violence. I finally broke the cycle in my own life a few years ago. I am 32 now. My first marriage at 17 and all the way through to the age of 30, I have been abused physically, emotionally, and once sexually (by my husband). The emotional pain will last a lifetime for me!! I am lucky to be here today but my cousin wasn’t so lucky, she was killed by her estranged husband. He shot her in front of her two children in my great grandmothers home. My great aunt then donated the home to an agency that helps get women back on there feet. I am now studying psychology to help people that have been abused!!
Dr. Phil, it is Domestic Abuse Awareness month, not Abuse Against Women month. Above, you cite statistics about women victims only. This is an equal opportunity problem shared by both sexes equally.
Dr. Phil: I have tried to find the comment section which you mentioned on today’s show, Oct.10, 2012. You stated that the viewers could comment on Dr.Phil.com. I can’t find the right place, so I am trying to contact you here.
The show today was about a husband and wife where the husband was driving the wife crazy with his insessant need to control every facet of her personal life. He had numerous cameras and taping devices, bugs, and his children in his arsenal. He like to watch her sleeping and would turn up the heat, so that she would rid herself of the bedding and he could stare away.
I wanted to say that this guy is a manipulator and not to be trusted with anything he says; he thinks he is smarter than any other person…including his psychiatrist. He will do and say anything to get where he wants to go. He IS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. I heard that you feel the same way; however…PROTECT this poor woman NOW!!! She needs to be in a protective program NOW! Her life and that of her children are in DANGER. Her husband WILL NOT change until he kills her or drives her to the point of the “Burning Bed.” She is being forced into a mental corner…she could also KILL him. While he might deserve it,(I don’t think he will ever be cured without extensive obsessive-compulsive treatment that would take YEARS)THE CHILDREN should be first on that protected list!!! He is a danger to all of them if he is allowed to be free!!! At this point he should be locked up and NOT FREE TO BREAK OUT. He says not to worry…he has no avenue to return to his home! DO NOT
BELIEVE THAT! He will kill them.
Please please help!
I dont know where to write i cant find Any contact info …
Little Alissa 15 month was beaten and murderd by christy shaffer!
77 DAYS IN JAIL AND NOW SHE IS OUT.
Little baby Alissa had several cuts in her mouth, bruses all over Here little Tiny body brocken arms and legs , her pulled of her small and the list goes on!
The case must be reopend, im emailing from Sweden , We are in chock Here i cant belive how she is back home with Here other 4 children!!!!!!!!!
We need signatures to help open up this case!
Even better if magazine , of famous people Will speak about this and help Alissa have à voice and gt justice!
Im sorry for My spelling.. Please stop Child abuse!!
BabyAlissaCries4Justice .org
Big Thank you for those who sign and care to reda this and help!
Rest in peace…baby Alissa
/ Michelle
10 women may be abused every 12 seconds .And in that same time how many men will also be abused by women or better yet accused of D.V. in order to jockey a better score in divorce court or custody cases. Having been through a messy divorce of witch I was finally was awarded custody of my two daughters I know first hand what it is like. Doing privet security most of my adult life I have seen D.V. first hand and have even had to physically get in the middle of the couple to stop it. The problem I have with these women rights organizations is they do not want to police them selves and are more interested in pushing an agenda than weeding out the fraudulent claims.Men are also abused and need a voice.And the DISCRIMINATION of those of us that are good fathers needs to stop.
DR PHIL your shows are great and very aspiring, we do need to help people who are in abusive relationship because it can escalate to either death or serious injury,however I have been doing some research on child abuse and it is worse then domestic violence because these are innocent children. Every year their are 3.3 million reported cases of child abuse and five a day result in death. I am studying psychology because I would like to help make a difference in these children lives. I have watched videos on it due to a research I am doing for school and it makes me sick to the stomach watching kids endure these acts of violence on them. I love your show keep doing what you love best helping people you are an inspiration to me and I hope one day I will be as great as you.
Society blames the woman as much as the man. She must be instigating the abuse. What sane person would let it go on? Until enough woman step up and say “it happened to me!” the stigma will continue. It’s not just based on the poor choices of a few low life dummies. It isn’t something you can always detect before you get involved. It can happen to the rich or poor, the prosperous college grad or your local waitress, if in a long term relationship or a new romance. NOBODY deserves to be treated in this way. No one ASKS for it. It happens to good girls, mothers and grandmothers. We need to let the light in and support the women with respect and compassion. IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!!
As a victim of DV and rape, I honestly don’t believe there is enough said about either of these. My daughters saw what I went through at the hands of my boyfriend and they each ended up in situations of DV. I thought they would have learned from my mistake, but it was not to be. I am happy to say that my youngest daughter is no longer in that place however she has never had proper therapy for the abuse she endured nor the sexual assualt. She is stronger than my oldest daughter who suffered abuse and like my youngest daughter, she hasn’t had proper therapy as well.
As a mother, one of the hardest things is to see the bruises and blood and psychological pain your child has gone through at the hands of someone that doesn’t care whether she lives or dies. I struggle with my own everyday, but I am in therapy so it helps me, but not either of them. I also don’t know everything that they both have gone through because they won’t tell me. They think I can’t handle it and they may be right, but if it helps I would listen to anything if it would make them feel better about telling someone they can trust.
Domestic Violence is a real and growing problem. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you came from it can still happen to you. If a man raises his hand once or pushes you once it will only get worse, so please get out. One thing I realized after six years of being with my abuser is that I couldn’t fix him. You can’t fix anyone except yourself!
Hello, Dr. Phil…
I am president of an organisation in Sweden witch are working for
to make the childrens situation in fosterhomes and other institu-
tions better. We also are working for to get an exquse for the children
who were in those places betwen 1920-1980 and were abused in any
way. The 21 of november 2011 in Stockholms cityhall the gouverment of
Sweden met 1300 victims of abuse in fosterhomes and other places the
sicial security had put us. We have come a long way, but now it is the
children of today and tomorrow whose names are on our agenda.
We all, the whole organisation from Sweden, will thank you and your
personal for a tremendus work against pedofiles and other abusers.
Thank you, Dr Phil, and all love for you and your family.
All the members in our organisation are victims of abusers.
My name is Wanda and I agree with Karen who was married 4 or 5 times and now is 70 and all alone. When you are abused it doesn’t matter how much you have accomplished you still feel bad about yourself.
From 1989-1998 I battled withe vertigo and lived at home with my parents. My father has been very emotional and verbally abusive to my mother and me all my life. I thought if I started working and saved enough money we could move away from my father and start a new life. Then my vertigo happened and I couldn’t work. When I got better my mother got sick with COPD and Asthma. I stayed home and became her PCA,(Personal Care Assistant), and I took care of my mother from 1999-2010 when she passed away. From then until now I have been trying to get back on my feet. Its been hard. I am 49 and I want to get back in the workforce and I also want to learn to drive. I am unhappy where I live and don’t have any friends. I don’t get encouragement from my father. I still live with him because he is 81 and has health problems. So I know how Karen feels. Abuse of any kind, sexual, physical, emotional, or verbal is always bad for the individual and the family and it has lasting effects.
Wanda
I was in an abusive relationship where i got beat down everyday for 10 years & ended up at the er several times. I always told them a lie about what happened & also my co-workers. I never knew from one day to the next if THAT would be my last day. They threaten to kill you if you leave so you stay. A lot of people have said “well she must like getting beat because she stays in it”. Are you kidding me? It is easy for them to say they are not in the situation. One night while my boyfriend abuser was gone, I saw a hazy figure at the end of my bed. I KNEW in my heart, gut & soul that it was my deceased father who was a minister before passing, telling me if I don’t get out I would end up dead very soon. I did by the grace of God & STILL continuously looked over my shoulder for several years to come even though I was in another state. I was kidnapped, blindfolded & raped for 3 days I saw NO light & he found me at the hospital & when I was released he beat he worse because he said I cheated on him. With every punch, beat, they make you think it was your fault & then they say I love you but you made me do it. How can you love someone you have to abuse?
Hi Dr Phil I’ve writing ti you before with no response but I am so despite for your help if I dnt get some help quick I truly feel someone will die. I have been told by doctors i am a paranoid scitso and I’ve been going thru this since I been 5yrs old with no help and I have been hurt so much when I think I can trust them an I won’t rest till I get revenge on anyone who has hurt me.plz help me Im past demestic violence I’ve been beat so much I can’t even feel it anymore and rap haa I laugh at that it’s happen so much I can’t count. I just kno I need help for the sack of my kids.
All I can say is way to Go Dr. Phil, you are a Blessing to many out there…..DV, I love the show and follow your advice….on life I call you the Golden Rule, Thank you for all you do for those in need…
I can’t join but I am happy to see the awareness being raised!
“Personally, I feel that since domestic violence has no regard for social or economic status, race, ethnicity, age, education, marital status or physical ability, every month should be Domestic Abuse Awareness Month.”
It also has no regard for gender!
Anyway thanks for keepin’ it real Dr Phil! I enjoy the show so much
Dr. Phil,
My son is 28 and assaulted me. The attack included hostage taking and intimidation with knives. His father is a RI State Trooper, so the local police let all the evidence at the scene be removed during the arrest.
My son has a 15 year history of mental illness and addiction and recent attacks on many people in town. The police refused to have him hospitalized as I requested during the incident. He is at large , with weapons, awaiting trial.
This is how the Jared Loughners and James Holmes fall through the cracks. I have petitioned mental health to assist, the attorney general and police, and have each time told me for some legal reason they cannot stop this sick young man. Can you help shine light on this case? It goes to court Dec 4th in Newport, RI.
Thank you.
Hi Dr Phil,luv your show have watched you from the beginning,my story starts 25yrs ago I met my husband,a lovely man we were young he was 16 and I was 17 I was madly in luv with him we married at two years later.we went on to have 5 kids,are proplems started 19yrs ago when he got bad minded of me with my cousins,it was a really bad time for me constantly throwing things up at me,loved him so much I just carried on,I was 17yrs married when my dad passed away very hard time for me and that’s when it all got serious he beat me up badly,again I forgave him I needed him so much so we went on,3yrs ago I went for a lye detector test which I passed I still luv my husband very much,so now I am here in my mums 25yrs married he beat me up again this time I have lost a tooth,he has come he is crying and very sorry I don’t want to lose him help .I live in Ireland
I need help. I am on staff at a middle school and have witnessed my principal being very inappropriate. I voiced my concerns, now I am being targeted by him and his assistant principals. Our school has been in the news lately b/c my principal appointed a custodian as the point person for all kids who need community service hours. That same custodian was arrested for indecency with a child/sexual content. This event happened on our campus and I believe there are other children who may have been abused, but the principal and the higher ups are covering it up. I need help. I can’t do it alone.
Repling about my post. Please Dr Phil, where are these abusive behaviors learned? In our work envionments where the all mightly dollar seams to win out to values and in our churches.
Dr. Phil,
I know that sometimes you do mention dv against men. I was in a marriage for six years where I was mentally, verbally, and physically abused. She did the sleep depravation thing and the sleeping with other guy thing and telling me how much better the sex was with him and then she would hit me and kick me, knowing that alls I would do is cover up and get out of the house. I hear women say that all the good guys are taken or married. That is a load of bull. The good guys are single and not out looking. We are not easy to find or easy to get close too. We have been through the ringer and don’t want to go there again. Ladies, if you want good guy, they are not easy to find, you won’t find them in bars or any of the pick up places.
thanks,
Thank you so much for raising awareness of domestic violence. I was in an abusive relationship for 25 years. Although I have been divorced for 21 years, the effects of emotional, verbal and physical abuse still linger just below the surface. Domestic violence destroys the family. My oldest son will not speak about it but my youngest is filled with rage. This breaks my heart because I tried so very hard to protect them. Please keep the stories alive so that someone who is in the position I was in, might hear it and take care of themselves and their children.
I am writing because of the experiences I have had, what I have seen elsewhere and what I hope will not happen to anyone else.
I am writing about human shelters and the need for humans to be able to bring their PETS with them to stay in the same room with them in the human shelters as lomg as they are there.
I was living in a relationship that had gone sour and the man became abusive. I knew I had to leave but how? Although I had no children, I had 1 large dog and 3 cats that were mine. I loved them and they loved me and were totally dependant upon me. I needed them as much as they needed me – we were family (human(s) + pet(s) = family) in my opinion and also in many other people’s opinions too!
I was told I was welcome at a shelter, in Ontario, Canada, but my pets were not. As a result, I had to stay with an abuser longer than was wise because I could not leave MY PETS alone with an abuser and the shelter would not welcome US.
Another time, another town, different year, but I didn’t ask this time and I took my cat with me to another Emergency Women’s Shelter, in another town. We were moving from a small town with few jobs to a larger town with I hoped more jobs.
When it was discovered, after we had lived there for one week, that I had a cat with me, I was given two hours to decide whether I wanted the companionship of my cat my reason to live or Will to live OR help? shelter, food, clothing and use of a phone (the necessities of life or the ability to live) – not because anyone was sick because of the presence of a cat, no one had been rushed to emergency because my cat was there, and no one had died as a result of the presence of a cat – it was just policy, “no pets allowed” I chose, as many would, to have the companionship of my cat.
My cat and I were, with our stuff, escorted to the door and we had walk through the door of the shelter to the sidewalk in the dark, in winter, in a snow storm, in a town I didn’t know my way around and had no money in order to stay at a hotel or motel and hostels do not welcome pets with the humans that stay in them.
We could have frozen and had no where else to go.
I knew only one person in town – a pastor’s daughter who I had asked directions from on the day I came to see the town to decide whether I wanted to move there and we had a nice visit together and promised to meet again if I did move to the town.
Her father, the pastor heard about our plight, from his daughter the next day and he spoke to the shelter staff and that same day the head woman of the Emergency Women’s Shelter personally came to see me and my cat and kindly invited me and my cat back.
We did return and stayed there one more week – only – because during that time I found work and a place for us to live!
Please note: all during that second week again, no one was sick because of the presence of a cat, no one was rushed to emergency and no one died either because of the presence of a cat!!! Why then were we tossed out? Why are shelters allowed to have “no pet” policies? What’s the point – Why should we, and if us, a whole lot of other people too, be offered the necessities of life or the reason to live, the Will to live for many, the presence, love and companionship of our pets – especially since pets are with humans on the sidewalks, in planes for hours and cannot be hindered from tenancies in Ontario?
I found the following information on the internet:
The population of Ontario on January 1st 2011 is approximately 13,215,334.
The landlords and tenants are under the:
Residential Tenancies Act, 2006
S.O. 2006, CHAPTER 17
“No pet” provisions void
14. A provision in a tenancy agreement prohibiting the presence of animals in or about the residential complex is void. 2006, c. 17, s. 14.
Since the above is true, and it has worked since 2006 and since all men (humans) are created equal, I think it would be reasonable and fair if the above section (14.) from the Residential Tenancies Act should be added to all Canada and United States tenancy situations and short term housing ie human shelters, especially since the most prestigeous temporary housing situations in Canada and the United States both presently have pets in them being the residence of Prime Minister Stephen Harper and his family, who are pet lovers and have 3 permanent resident cats in their family and have fostered close to 100 cats while living at 24 Sussex Dr. in Ottawa, and President Barak Obama annd his family are also pet lovers and have a dog named Bo in their family.
Since it works to have pets in the most prestegeous temporary residences of Canada and the United States, i follows that having pets where people live should also work in lesser temporary housing situations, and since it works in the Province of Ontario and it should also work in other Provinces and States too!
I really think that this would be something that the Prime Minister and the President and their families, as ones who love pets and have pets in their family, would understand and help to change the above type of situations as a lasting legacy for themselves when they are in their 90’s and no longer living where they presently are, and for their children and grandchildren and their pets too.
Further, because of the policy of “no pets” in most human shelters, me and my cats have been homeless in the most serious way, not sleeping in a car, or at the homes of family or friends but sleeping on concrete, wood pallet, in bushes, behind businesses, sheds with no heat, water or hydro in order to stay together – sometimes strangers have invited us into their homes for various periods of time but that has been in between the other types of situations. This seems really wrong since the onlyt issue is that I have a cat.
Another time my friend paid for my cat and I to fly from Toronto, in the Province of Ontario in Canada to Vancouver in the Province of British Columbia where there are a few “pet friendly” human shelters, (extra $50.00 for my cat to travel in the cabin with me at my feet) because for months we were unable to get into the only Pet Friendly Human Shelter in the City of Toronto with a population of 2,615,060 (2011) and she could not let us stay with her for an extended time because her parents owned the home where she and some students lived, but the parents came and used the extra room every other weekend, so as much as she wanted to help, and it was getting cold outside, we couldn’t stay there.
Sub note:
I found it interesting that people were in the cabin of the plane for hours as we flew from Toronto to Vancouver in the presence of my cat. No one was sick, no one tried to flee from the plane because of my cat and no one died either and many even chose to eat and drink on the plane even though my cat was present, and even seemed to enjoy the experience, even though a cat was present. I wondered, since people were staying in such a confined space for hours in the presence of a cat and there was no fuss in “heaven” why the fuss in human shelterson “earth”?
Also, since we are allowed to eat and drink in the presence of pets in “heaven” (in the cabins of planes) why aren’t our pets allowed into coffee houses and restaurants with us on “earth” like they are in other countries such as British pubs and stores and restaurants in France, and Spain etc.?
Our citizens of Canada and the United States return home from these experiences in other countries to live normal lives having survived the pets being present when they eat and drink in “heaven” on Air Canada and other airlines and in foreign countries with their pets allowed to be inside eateries, drinkeries and businesses, which of course is the “New Wave” in Canada and the United States to take pets to work with us, I guess since science finally proved what humans have known from creation, that pets are good for people, in fact so good that a whole service industry was started called “pet therapy” where pets are taken to people who can’t come to the pets or have pets for one reason or another – archacic laws that have gone too far to the right and need to be brought back to where the humans and their pets (human(s) + pet(s) = family) are being treated fairly – equally to those without pets.
After arriving at the airport in Vancouver, same day, me and my cat were happily and gratefully, sleeping on a mat on the floor, inside, warm and knowing breakfast was coming in the morning at the Emergency Women’s Shelter in Vancouver after living for months and in the cold and wet in Toronto because we could not get into the only “pet friendly” human shelter n Toronto.
It is my concern, that families stay intact especially after coming through something that qualifies them as needing Emergency Shelter – perhaps escaping from abuse, perhaps escaping from a burst pipe or fire or any other type of situation. That means, to me, pets and their humans even if fleeing from the abuse of another person, should stay together because human(s) + pet(s) = family. Most pet lovers would agree this is a true statement.
As a result I am requesting that everyone:
a. Find out where your nearest local human shelter is – the one that would meet your unique requirements – because shelters are created to fit different needs ie people escaping abuse could need Emergency Women’s Shelters vs. ones for teenagers etc.
This is good to know for your own benefit as well as anyone in your neighbourhood who has an emergency and needs a place to stay to sort things through before the next stelp.
b. Find out whether your nearest local human shelter that suites your needs says “NO PETS ALLOWED” or “PETS WELCOME”
c. If pets are not allowed, and this is not the type of human shelter that you want in your community, gather all your friends and relatives in the area and ensure that the human shelter in your area is as you wish. If you wish the entire family kept intact, humans and pets then make sure that is what you have or start another human shelter in your area that is PET AND HUMAN FRIENDLYwith both staying together in the same room beside each other, and think of whatever else you may like to see at the “Pets Wecome” Human Shelter, if you ever had to use it andeput that in place too.
d. Put the information on the front of your refigerator door and make it a subject of conversation when people come to your kitchen of finding out where their closest human shelter is that WELCOMES PETS TO STAY BESIDE THEIR HUMANS IN THE SAME ROOM is so that if any of you or your friends or neighbours or they or their friends or neighbours have an emergency and need to know where to go quickly, you will be able to give them the information immediately. Also, if ever you or your family need a quick escape, as you run out the door with your children, pet(s), and photos, etc. you can grab the information about where the closest “pet friendly” human shelter that suits your needs is and be first in line, because you prepared ahead of the emergency.
There are many humans shelters and many animals shelters, but there are few human shelters that welcome humans and their PETS AND KEEP THE FAMILY INTACT -whole animals and people. It is my understanding this is a world wide issue. Therefore this information can be useful in any country have those who find out where there closest appropriate “Pets Welcome” Human Shelter is have them put that on the front of their refrigerator door and also start the conversation with those who visit their kitchen – and so on….
Everyone needs to know where their closest human shelter is that will meet their needs and especially shelters where humans and their pets can go. And, if there is not one close by, then their community needs to organize together for one to exist before an emergency occurs.
Let’s learn a lesson and be prepared before our own need arises – remembering the pets of Hurricane Katrina
epd3
Re above
Please note: I was advised by email from the only “Pet Friendly” Human Shelter in Toronto when I found it on the internet that they believed when they replied to my email asking if we could go there that theythought they were the only “Pets Welcome” Human Shelter in the entire Province of Ontario! I had tried to find others closer to where I was living – but even though one had a cat living in it, their policy was still what I had experienced at other Emergency Shelters I had contacted or stayed at “no pets allowed”! so we, me and my cat, travelled to Toronto hoping to get into the only “Pets Welcome” Human Shelter in the Province but were unable to.
You may be wondering what happened to the others pets I had years ago. That family had all passed being many years ago and I now had a new family (human(s) + pet(s) = family) and I tried eveything I knew, given our situation, to keep us together trying to get into the Human Shelter that would welcome me and my feline family.
It seemed to me that the conclusion of Toronto’s only “Pet Friendly” human shelter was right! I couldn’t find any others – that’s what made it necessary to fly to Vancouver with my cat in the cabin and at my feet!
This is pretty serious isn’t it?
What I would like to know is WHY? Why have men become so violent, because, let’s face it, most of the time it is men taking advantage of their power over women. What upsets me most is usually when men are violent towards their wives, they also abuse their children, because the violence is part of who they are (or have become).
Something totally different. Dr Phil, I got very upset when I read all over about your and Robin’s “divorce”. True or not, DON’T DO IT. Not after so many years. You won’t be happy nor will Robin. You belong together. All you gotta do is treating her (at home without cameras) like a queen and she will be your slave. Heard stories of you behaving very nasty off-cameras. If it’s true, change it please. Robin is a wonderful beautiful lady, the prettiest I’ve ever seen. Love her, adore her, cherish her and YOU will be a very happy man too.
I’m actually a bit desperate for help coparenting with an abuser. He was physical. Mostly psychological. He has ADD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder and is probably a sex addict. He is described pretty well in Life Code. I truly can handle myself but it is heartwrenching that his disease affects coparenting. He is in a relationship now with someone who I feel is worse than he. I’ve looked at dealing with narcissists and they all say don’t engage. Well…is that ok even with my childs other parent? I’ve tried and found my son gets punished/put in the middle. So…evidence points this is the way to proceed. Just looking for other opinions.
Dr.Phil I just finished watching your show saving Julie I want to commend you for all you and Robin do but it brought back so many painful memories as I am a survivor yet still a victim in many ways. luckily I left with my life just in time yet still feel I am trapped n fear every day he will somehow find me its been 4 years of looking over my shoulder I try to do my best every day but will not rest comfortably til I know this monster of a human being is no longer alive. how do I get over the guilt and pain please any advice will b appreciated thank you
Dr. Phil,
I would like to add a comment about domestic abuse. A even more serious side effect of domestic abuse is the havoc perpetrated on children. I am the grandfather of a child that witnessed years of domestic abuse and the effect on her development has been devastating. Also I live in Indiana where it is a felony for a parent or parents to participate in domestic abuse (physical or psychological) in the presence. However, it is very difficult to catch parents since most choose not to act out with an audience.
Thank you for the services you provide,
Ricky Lee Ritter
Dr. Phil,
I would like to add a comment about domestic abuse. A even more serious side effect of domestic abuse is the havoc perpetrated on children. I am the grandfather of a child that witnessed years of domestic abuse and the effect on her development has been devastating. Also I live in Indiana where it is a felony for a parent or parents to participate in domestic abuse (physical or psychological) in the child’s presence. However, it is very difficult to catch parents since most choose not to act out with an audience.
Thank you for the services you provide,
Ricky Lee Ritter
P.S. sorry for the need for the correction.